You know you're a gardener when.... (revisited)

and reveal my antics? never!

You might find you are not alone! And, it might give the others some tactics for dealing with the less-than -enthusiastic gardeners amongst us.

Great additions! Sadly (?) I am reading them and going....ohhhh yaaaaa.... I've done that. Especially spending $30 before you walk into the store, always checking the plant section, shooing the kids "Not the plants!!!!", the "spouse" look (& sneaking them in), and while I didn't secretly destroy the lawn I was always getting yelled at for pulling out more. Your poor confused man! LOL! I hope you only do it when he's not at home I'm not sure how he'll react if you get caught :)

I do (did) it when he is asleep...risked my life... fear snakes coming out at midnight! Yes, he was confused.. he didn't understand why grass just kept dying in that spot. (Must be the drainage or somethng!!) It just yellowed and keeled over!

This thread is a real hoot! I'm loving it all, and yes I must confess I am guilty of a few of the same tactics!

I know I'm a gardener because my day goes like this:

Shower
Slather on Sunscreen
Get dressed in gardening clothes (old shorts, worn out t-shirt, ratty sneakers, baseball cap)
Morning coffee
Out to work in the garden
Mow lawn
Prune shrubs
Edge
Blow sidewalks and driveway
Move to the deck/porch to groom plants, take cuttings
Sweep up leaves and debris on deck/porch
Put all gardening tools in the shed
Drag garden hose around and water everything thoroughly
Reel garden hose back on reel
Go inside for second shower of the day, wash and blow dry hair, put on clean clothes
Out to the deck to sit and relax and gaze at the view
Notice a few more plants that desperately need re-potting
Retrieve little garden trowel from shed
Find bag of potting soil and clean pots
Commence to play in the dirt, for a brief period of time (yeah, right!)
Get garden hose and water the newly planted cuttings
Get broom and dust pan to clean up another mess I've made
Take third shower of the day

Hubby arrives home and I say "Gee, what time is it?" He answers, "It's almost 5:00"
Into the kitchen to decide what we are going to have for dinner ... end up having hubby go get take out, because I'm just too tired to even think about cooking and having a mess to clean up in the kitchen!


Rosie: You've given me an idea about how to have less lawn to mow! I think my DH has a supply of Roundup in the shed, I wonder if I could get away with that trick? For years I have wanted to get rid of all the lawn and have an entirely natural setting but just haven't been able to convince my husband of it! He loves a nice green lawn and is the type of guy who doesn't like change.

Bluebunn,I've got soem free cement if you want it! We have a humongous, wide cement driveway that goes all the way around to the back side of the house, and a narrow sidewalk in front of the house. I would dearly love to get rid of all that cement too! Got a truck and a jackhammer? I can give you directions to my house and let you know when we are going on vacation!

Well, I think I will go find some dirt to play in! ^_^ Have a great weekend everyone!

Yeah, I have a lawn freak too. He should worry and fret over ME as much as he does that sultry green mistress of his! (I got her good that time tho!!)

If you go the roundup way.. be sure you don't put it down in a very 'prescribed way' ---it's got to look like a natural death!

You are so BAD . . . . LOL I laugh every time I read about you rounduping your DH grass.

Alas, it would be a waste of time using roundup. We've had large and small areas of the lawn that have had insects, fungus or disease kill grass over the years and he just goes out and buys pallets of sod and re-sods. I told him a couple of years ago I refuse to ever lay sod again, LOL. I've also told him I don't want to be doing so much mowing for too many more years, I'm getting old and mowing's getting old!

I would really love to have a natural, native landscape .... less work and much less chemicals needed, healthier and happier for me as well as the birds and other critters!

OK picture this ----- (keep in mind that I really really don't like anything about grass..not the cost...the work...the appearance...the 'sharing my man's admiration aspect, and the environmental issues.)
After a few weekends of breaking my tush dawn to dusk, helping him lay his trailer-load of sod just 'so' (this being the zillionth attempt to grow grass where it DOES NOT WANT TO GROW) After being bit, stuck, and (almost)every opening invaded by anything on six legs.... after, sweating, dripping, BLEEDING, (I kneeled on the rug/razor cutter that he used INSTEAD of a sod knife) and after starving and dehydrating all day.... I dragged this 50+ battered and beaten self into the house (which was trashed because I had been neglecting it for too many days during this sod frenzy) only to glance outside the window long enough to spy my grass-ogling LYING ("I'll be right in to make you tea honey") husband, with my good kitchen broom....proudly and tenderly SWEEPING the grass so that it would all be facing the SAME direction.

ROFLMBO!

I understand totally! I just turned 61 and we've been in this house for 34 years ... can't begin to count the number of times I've helped lay sod! What is is with men and lawns anyway? I think I need to find a few native landscapes and take my husband on a tour so he can see how nice it would be! Maybe in the next couple of years he will come around to my way of thinking but I doubt it. I just know I will never lay sod again ... and I'm getting to the age where I don't want to mow anymore either! I just want to sit back and smell the roses and gaze at the garden, putter around with plants to my hearts content! LOL. My dear mother in law lived to be 97 and she was still gardening and mowing almost an acre at the age of 90! She was an inspiration to me in so many ways but I just can't imagine doing all the hard physical labor at age 70, much less 90! My DH loves his job and doesn't plan on retiring for another 5 or 6 years, if then! We might just have to end up hiring someone to do all the yard work.

What a HOOT! The whole thing but that last one from Rosie was just too much!!!
I used to hide my purchases and do all the things y'all have done but got to thinking "This is stupid. He buys video stuff - movies, games, hardware, etc.etc so why shouldn't I have a vice too?" Two years ago I gave up smoking after 60 years of doing that so I figure I deserve another vice. The newest is hibiscus and the funny thing is he likes them as much as I do. And I won't have to give up gardening and buying stuff cold turkey the way I did the smoking. Come Hail or High Water.

Ann

This message was edited Apr 3, 2009 1:16 PM

Amen to you both Plantlady(s)

My new theme song: "I don't like no sod, I ain't dealing with no more sod and I ain't laying no sod!" (take that any way you want to!!) (snort) (that'll shake him up!!)

Regarding the vices:
I got one of those hardware, electronic, CD/DVD and tool-loving husbands too. I said to him just yesterday -- "I keep hearing about this NETFLIX -(may not be spelled right) and you rent the movies.. you don't have to BUY them. You don't have to STORE them and if the movies are not as good as you thought .. you can send them back to NetFlix land. Why are we INVESTING in these things....?" Just like that darn...leather thing that he had to buy because the hardware store was going out of business.... it holds a power drill.... straps around the waist...like a holster .. sort of like playing cowboys type of gear.. what is THAT about?? The drill (also on sale) looks triple the size of that strap on thing anyway. .and I asked 'when have you ever needed anything strapped around your waist to climb a ladder anyway??' What's wrong with between your teeth or tucked into your belt..it's worked for the past 37 years..
(I don't want anything too big or heavy strapped in something too small as he climbs that ladder because he INSISTS that stand at the bottom and HOLD the ladder...."Just put your foot on the bottom rung..hold it still..make sure it doesn't slip..hold it tight....ARE your PAYING ATTENTION??...is your foot pushing down hard enough??" (all this is being yelled down to me while he is cleaning out the gutters and flinging leaves,mold and bugs all over me.) Oh sweet temptation... ..one little 'whoops' and I can really get rid of all that grass and sod and all those useless DVDs.....But, I think I'll keep the leather cowboy thing to hold my little garden shovel...

This message was edited Apr 3, 2009 3:38 PM

Missingrosie you're my hero ^_^

shucks..

Missingrosie: ^_^ You really should put pen to paper (or nowadays I guess it's fingers to keyboard) and write a book! I know it would be a best seller!

Yes, Rosie, a book. You are hilarious. Kind of like an Erma Bombeck type.

Thank you all - I guess it is funny except I have had to live it!!

But it's the way you tell it. You're a born story teller.

OK - I'll tell you another funny story. It wasn't funny to me --but I posted this long ago here at DG and somebody actually asked me if I would mind if she used it. It sort of exemplifies devotion to the garden and so maybe it fits in this thread. Since you all like a good tale here it is.. revisited.

I shudder and blush just thinking about this - here goes.

One bright summer morning more than a few years ago I had an adventure. Even tho the sun had barely risen, it was already getting hot and steamy. I had just finished showering and had thrown on a summer shift. Rosie was waiting at the door to go out to do her business and so I went out with her. While I was waiting for her to get done -- and before it got really hot---I figured I'd check out was was blooming in the garden. Rosie was snuffling around trying to find the 'perfect' spot for her morning business. All of a sudden Rosie growled and I saw her jump back. To my horror, I saw that she had gotten into a nest of bees in the grass!! As I saw and heard it happening, "TAWANDA" took over! (If you've seen Fried Green Tomatoes you know who Tawanda is.) I loved that dog and would do anything for her ---including braving the wrath of a hundred yellow jackets. Rosie was getting excited. She weighed ~ 60 pounds and I realized that to pull her away... I would have to tug really really hard. Anyway, I have this metal 'yard bird' - made from recycled tools. It's toes are about four feet long (OK OK ... 7 inches but it seemed then that they were four feet long) and are made from the rusted tines of a pitch fork.. the 'bird' has some kind of long pointy metal spokes coming from its head and very sharp 'wings.' Long story short --- it is DANGEROUS ! I grabbed Rosie's collar and jerked her back really hard (to the sound of very agitated bees filling the air) and as I did I threw myself off balance..... Not two inches behind me was that darn yard bird --ready to impale me! I started to go down right on top of it... and somehow (I STILL DON'T KNOW HOW BUT YOU DO READ ABOUT THESE CRAZY THINGS HAPPENING DURING TIMES OF STRESS) I flipped over it (like a somersault). I believe that the maneuver involved defying the laws of physics..no kidding --I am no spring chicken and am not 20 pounds either. The worst thing was that --as my legs went over my head my shift followed immediately after ---all I could think about was that I DIDN'T HAVE ON ANY UNDERPANTS! Neighbors cover thine eyes! Yellow Jackets careful where you plant those stingers!

Here is a photo of the bird but her feet and the deadly toes are covered.

(Ok now as I type this -- it is sort of funny all these years later.) I hope you have enjoyed my most embarrassing tale. Now it is your turn!!!

This message was edited Apr 3, 2009 10:25 PM

Did either you or Rosie get any stings?

I can just picture the flip, like in one of those grade B oriental movies, LOL.

Maybe it was this one - I have them all over -- anyway you get the idea.

Owie. Pretty monarda!

no not one sting. but I did get a cut on the shin from the 'bird' I had to get a tetanus shot and even tho it was more of a scrape than an actual cut --the scar stayed for a few years and I bet if I look it I could still find it.

Hi Missingrosie!!
Nice garden stuff.
Your lawn story is a howell.Love the bird too.

You know this guy that worked for IBM used to go to the local july 4 festival and sell them ..then I think he got laid off. The sales were brisk..so I don't know why he stopped attending unless he had to move to find a job or maybe the materials were too expensive and he didn't make enough of a profit.
What you doing up so early Ge? Did you ever buy those two art pieces for the garden?

Off topic:
I live in an area that was IBM territory, and they have announced up to another 5,000 to be let go. I wonder how this is going to impact us since we've had to deal with this since 1993.

Hi Missing .
I have been waking up around 3 or 4 AM Dont know why.
I make myself try to stay up layer and its working, I am up at 5 now.
Yes I did buy the sculptures and they are in my livingroom as I write.
I will move them to the garden later this month when all danger of freezing is over.
We opened the fountain this weekend.SIL is such a sweetie,he ran the electric underground and does the official electric connection and disconnect at the ends of the summer season.
I'll post pics when the sculptures are out.
This is a great thread.
The first official fountain gurggles agains an April 5 sunrise.

what the whole scene looks like.
This is last July just after making this garden area.
I will put plantings in as soon as they get here.
Astilbes and Heucheras and small hostas.

That's beautiful, Jo Ann!

Thanks Pirl
Its spring officially now that the fountn is running.
Not warm enough for coffee on the deck and sun isnt up when I am so another month and I'll start my day in heaven.

That is heavenly, being outside with a cup of coffee early in the day. I love the peace and quiet and enjoy the birds then more than during the day when I'm busy. In June and July when I can actually sit and watch (with camera in hand) as the Japanese irises and the daylilies open it's my own paradise.

Its the place in our hearts we long for all winter.

Rosie, so glad to hear that you came out of that relatively unscathed, however, please don't take this the wrong way, I think your shrubs need a visit to the local AA chapter ;)

more than just the shrubs!

Ge -be sure to photograph the sculptures once they are out.
I forgot that you have to watch for the freezes. (but I know the art looks at home in your livingroom too!!)

Hi Missingrosie
I thought I had sent a pic. I'll put them out May1.

I have a fondness for Aster Purple Dome and bought some last summer when Bluestone had their sale. It was fantastic in August and Sept - -.
I have been peering into the plants to see if they lived thru our winter.
Such joy, there are little purple-green leaves coming up.
I have to move them,they are too short for the back of the row.

Back on topic...

I live in a rental property that very fortunately has some gardening space. In the back yard is a small, roundish flower garden edged by stones. Really nice :) My idea? Every month or so, I move the stones outward about 3 or 4 inches. Nobody would notice, and I end up with just a little more space to feed my heuchera addiction.

Last month, my landlady came by and asked my husband "Is it just me, or does that garden seem to be getting bigger??"

BUSTED!!

No the garden isn't getting bigger; the stones are eroding away so it just looks bigger ^_^

Ah good answer!

No there just aren't enough plantings and so the space tends too look too big and empty.