Beginner Gardening: You know you're a gardener when.... (revisited), 1 by missingrosie

missingrosie wrote:
OK - I'll tell you another funny story. It wasn't funny to me --but I posted this long ago here at DG and somebody actually asked me if I would mind if she used it. It sort of exemplifies devotion to the garden and so maybe it fits in this thread. Since you all like a good tale here it is.. revisited.

I shudder and blush just thinking about this - here goes.

One bright summer morning more than a few years ago I had an adventure. Even tho the sun had barely risen, it was already getting hot and steamy. I had just finished showering and had thrown on a summer shift. Rosie was waiting at the door to go out to do her business and so I went out with her. While I was waiting for her to get done -- and before it got really hot---I figured I'd check out was was blooming in the garden. Rosie was snuffling around trying to find the 'perfect' spot for her morning business. All of a sudden Rosie growled and I saw her jump back. To my horror, I saw that she had gotten into a nest of bees in the grass!! As I saw and heard it happening, "TAWANDA" took over! (If you've seen Fried Green Tomatoes you know who Tawanda is.) I loved that dog and would do anything for her ---including braving the wrath of a hundred yellow jackets. Rosie was getting excited. She weighed ~ 60 pounds and I realized that to pull her away... I would have to tug really really hard. Anyway, I have this metal 'yard bird' - made from recycled tools. It's toes are about four feet long (OK OK ... 7 inches but it seemed then that they were four feet long) and are made from the rusted tines of a pitch fork.. the 'bird' has some kind of long pointy metal spokes coming from its head and very sharp 'wings.' Long story short --- it is DANGEROUS ! I grabbed Rosie's collar and jerked her back really hard (to the sound of very agitated bees filling the air) and as I did I threw myself off balance..... Not two inches behind me was that darn yard bird --ready to impale me! I started to go down right on top of it... and somehow (I STILL DON'T KNOW HOW BUT YOU DO READ ABOUT THESE CRAZY THINGS HAPPENING DURING TIMES OF STRESS) I flipped over it (like a somersault). I believe that the maneuver involved defying the laws of physics..no kidding --I am no spring chicken and am not 20 pounds either. The worst thing was that --as my legs went over my head my shift followed immediately after ---all I could think about was that I DIDN'T HAVE ON ANY UNDERPANTS! Neighbors cover thine eyes! Yellow Jackets careful where you plant those stingers!

Here is a photo of the bird but her feet and the deadly toes are covered.

(Ok now as I type this -- it is sort of funny all these years later.) I hope you have enjoyed my most embarrassing tale. Now it is your turn!!!

This message was edited Apr 3, 2009 10:25 PM