Apropos of Nothing v.13

Susy, I feel for you going through tough times with your mother. I hope there is soon good news about the result of her treatment.

Susy b, I'm unexpectedly off the next 4 days, just knocking out a Web site & catering a few dozen lunches at Sitka ... so you would be more than welcome for a sleepover. Maybe you would bring good weather?

Maybe Lisa could join us & we could work on our books.

Those 'slow downs' on the highway near me are designed to allow people to stop in at my place and walk around the garden. If it ever stops raining, that is. I admit to feeling a tad irritated at mother nature right about now. I want some of Laurie's blue skies and puffy clouds.
Here's what I really hate: the rain splats so hard that even though I carry an umbrella it splashes up from the ground and soaks the bottom of my pants legs. It just feels cold and nasty.

Wow, Pixy- I didn't know you had so much influence with WSDOT. I'm impressed! :)

I'm well fed up with this rain too. I neeeeed suuuuun...

You never know who has influence over what, Pony. :) But I wish I had influence over the weather. Now THAT would be the kind of power I could actually use!

Me too. Except then PNW residents would suddenly find themselves living in a tropical zone... LOL!

Suzy I too feel related to your dilema with wanting your mom to get chemo. But I too have a Mom who may be short with life. But after driving in the car with my mom the last few days...... I want to kill her, Oh forgive me I got excited. We really have no control over them as pArents but we can walk thru the choices they make and love them until the end.

I have control over the weather-well God wants me in the sun for the last 30 years most of my days off or at work in AK has been sunny. I used to have clients in my practice schede golf days when I was off. Just left 3 weeks of fun in the sun up there!

Suzy so sorry to hear about your Mom. Sounds like things are getting better! Elders can be challenging that is for sure!
The weather has been a bummer! and when a sun break happens there is so much to do it is hard to know where to start......and just when you get it figured out it is raining again! Drat!!
Sofer..New plants are always good!!

Ohhhhhh, sofer, been there, said that although it is my dad who gets to me. He's had his license taken away, thank goodness, and he is appealing to have it reinstated, insists that his Alzheimers is okay "and there are lots of 84 year olds driving worse than me". This is the rationale for having it reinstated. So, we were talking, he couldn't remember either of his grandson's name, called me by my younger brother by my mom's name, and got my older brother's name right - "1 out of 4's not so bad!"

Now, back out to plant out some more vegetables, and I'm taking a cup of tea along - just to remind me that this is a day off, and I am having a pleasant time. Yes. Still having fluffy cloud days.

My dad only survived driving as long as he did because he was driving roads he knew like the back of his hand, where he had lived for 82 years. But I figured out it couldn't go on any longer when he picked me up at the airport and turned into the farthest oncoming traffic lane on a wide, 6 lane street. Luckily, they were all stopped by a red light and I had time to get the message across to get over the yellow lines NOW. He was an excellent driver all his life, and it was incredibly difficult to give up his independence.

At the end of my visit, he had planned to pack up his vehicle with boxes of handcrafts from his store to take part in a holiday fund-raiser for Unicef in Milwaukee. I called the people hosting the event, and they came with a van, packed him and his wares in, and took him there and back home again after. He had protested this idea, but I figured he couldn't very easily turn them down after they showed up ready to help. Then he wanted to drive the car across country in January when they moved out west. Luckily, it broke down the week before and we convinced him it would be better to leave it. He was unable to qualify for a license in his new home state, so we didn't have to do anything more, and it was only months before he qualified for Dial-a-Lift public transport. While this is a good service, I do think the public transportation needs vast improvement so people (particularly elders) can get around more easily before they have to prove they are incapacitated enough for the pick up service.

We also went through the driving thing with my parents. My dad, who is now 94, quit driving when he was 85, when eh realized his eyes were not so good. But mom refused to quit. I got in the car with her when I was visiting, and I was petrified. I knew I was going to die that day, and lots of other people would meet the same fate. We tried talking to mom about this, but she is so stubborn. So my daughter and I went to the DMV and filled out an anonymous form made just for such situations, and they sent her a letter saying she had to come in the be tested. Knowing she would not pass, she decided to stop driving. Whew! She never found out that we went behind her back, but we really had no choice.

The funny thing is folks, we will all be just like our parents. We may someday refuse treatment that seems overwhelming, refuse to give up our cars, and become grouchy because we can no longer touch our toes. And we'll drive our kids nuts.

Sofer, send sun. Please hurry.

Thanks for the tip on the DMVJudi. I'm going to do that for my DH. And then watch the fur fly. I hope WA state does that.
We got in the car yesterday to go down to the bank and he asked me which road to take. He said it had been so long since he went that way he couldn't remember. It was about a week ago.

This message was edited May 22, 2010 9:10 AM

Willow, my parents live in Lake Tahoe so that was a California DMV form, but I bet other states have the same thing. If not, they should. It would be an even stickier situation with a spouse. Good luck with this. Thankfully my parents live in an area with a "televan" that they can call to arrange rides. They live in a gated community (eek, not my thing) with a golf course and are allowed to drive golf carts on the streets. So they drive their little cart to the clubhouse for dinner, etc. There is also a lake with a beach, and a few years ago my dad built a big long box on the back of the golf cart to carry their gear to the lake, and one of the neighbors complained that it looked like a coffin and what was he doing, just driving around waiting for bodies to pick up? He took the box off the cart.

Beautiful photo.



This message was edited May 22, 2010 11:06 AM

We have golf carts here to run around the neighborhood and go to the pro-shop. He would never take a bus or van anywhere. I would become the designated driver. WHeee!

Glad to hear I'm not the only one struggling with a should not be driving parent. We currently have Dad's car in the shop waiting for an obsolete part that Ford no longer makes. I'm hoping no one can find it and the problem just resolves itself that way. Dad, at this point, is convinced that I am making up stories (I'm not) but I think I'd rather endure his angst than risk him hitting someone/thing. Even his lady friend has taken me aside and told me he really shouldn't be driving. He lives independently in a retirement facility and has ready access to their bus, although I don't think he has yet used it. I also live within 5 minutes and run errands for him if he can remember what he needs/wants when I stop in. I'm happy he hooked up with a companion after Mom died, as she makes him participate more than he would otherwise (and she's a very nice woman). I also have my 27 y.o. son temporarily (we hope) in the basement. Welcome to the sandwich generation...

Judi - isn't that brilliant. We all complain about the bureaucracy, but that's an example of practicality in action.

My Dad made the decision on his own. Later he told me, though, that the first year without his care was very difficult for him. Losing your independence in that way is such an emotional thing. Holly, I agree with you wholeheartedly about public transportation for the elderly. Corvallis, where my folks live, has dial-a-bus and their assisted living center has a bus. But my dad can't quality for dial-a-bus because the assisted living center has a bus. And the assisted living center will only provide transportation to medical appointments. So he's stuck.

We should all print out this thread and read it when we get to that point, eh? My Dad asked (my brothers, not me) several times how his driving was. He was very cognizant of the potential that his driving would deteriorate. Bless his heart, he voluntarily gave up the car when they moved to assisted living, even though at 88 he was still a very good driver. I admire him for his practicality. I didn't get that gene . . .

My mom finally did get qualified for dial-a-lift in Olympia due to unpredictable bouts of vertigo (not severe, but enough that she feels unsteady). Though it requires planning ahead and a certain amount of waiting around, it gives her peace of mind to know that she can get where she needs and wants to go without always relying on friends and neighbors. The place she lives will provide transportation to a doctor's appointment for a price ($25 I think), but that does not disqualify her for the public bus service. Corvallis should update their rules it seems to me.

I like my car, though I do use my bicycle a lot. But who wants to be riding a bike to the market when you're f!#@! 85 years old and it's pouring rain?

How about I design a community living place where we all have our own private space but there will be a communal kitchen and a little farm and garden and we can hire a driver. Oh, I forgot - that's a 60s commune!

Portland, I'm in!! Sounds way more fun and practical than the currently available retirement places. I get very frustrated with the place my dad is at -- one would think for $3K per month, that should cover everything - he eats like a bird and keeps his tiny apartment spotless. But no, they nickel and dime him to death. Even the dang root beer floats on Fridays cost a buck. Those places must be making money hand over fist. I tried my darndest to get him to move in with us (plenty of room and I would have remodeled), but he wouldn't have anything to do with that idea. I'm just glad he did agree to move close to me (5 min) rather than chosing a place in Seattle (an hour out). As expensive as it is, though, he does get much more social stimulation than he ever had at home with Mom, who was slowly deteriorating with Alzheimer's.

I'm a bit serious about this concept - there can be a guest cottage or two for when our kids or relatives come to visit. And our driver can take us to the city for concerts & plays. And when we get really old or sick we can hire a nurse. There would be couples and singles, and we would share the work in the garden. And we could lease part of the land to nurseries to grow trees. It would be an economical way to live, with lots of companionship. It could be fun with the right people!

I used to think that I would found a commune someday where we could all grow old together but it turns out that I just don't really like people that much. I'm much more suited to being the #@!$* 85-year-old pedaling to the store in the pouring rain, swearing the whole way.

The whole impulse to create some sort of group home probably stemmed from a foreboding feeling that many of my friends & acquaintances were headed for doom, either emotionally, physically or financially ... and perhaps I could corral them all into a safe place where they would eat well, find some sort of fulfilling life, and not rack up credit card debt.

Now I figure, let 'em. Just leave me in peace.

I fondly recall considering a commune in my early 20s with like-minded friends. Still friends, although all have gone on totally different paths. Perhaps it will gel in our elder years rather than our early years.

Lookit me I'm a caterer!

Key lime pie chilling in the fridge next to the edamame & snap peas & herbed almonds; mushroom & wild rice soup is mulling itself over, awaiting a dollop of Dijon & cream; poached salmon with green beans & new potatoes is resting in its horseradish vinaigrette; Caprese salads & the fixings for make-yer-own veggie pita sandwiches are laid out on their platters.

$1.00 for a root-beer float? That's terrible! At my place of employment we spoil our residents, we serve wine and beer with snacks on Friday afternoons and it doesn't cost them anything extra. There is always pastries and cookies available in the bistro at all times for no charge. We are only about 15 miles further south and we also have more men than most other places.

Sounds divine, Summer. Certainly more exciting than what I'm having. But I just got in from an absolutely wonderful day in the yard. Filthy and tired. Ahhhhhh.

Judi and BH, I'll bet that there are a lot of Baby Boomers thinking about this right now and that we'll see the change that comes from our experiences in the next 20 years. Everything from people working as advocates for the childless elderly to variations in independent communal living. I like your ideas.

My folks pay a pretty good chunk of money for their place, which is very nice . . . all except for the food. It's awful food. The elderly need to be stimulated to eat and they need basics, not cold attempts at fancy replicas of haute cuisine. And for some reason the food seems to continue to get worse and worse.

That would be awesome - I keep trying to make my Dad his martini when I go visit, but he just doesn't seem to think that he should. Why not? Where's he going? If my mom has a drink, though, then he will. So I'm getting better at that.

When I'm old I want mashed potatoes EVERY DAY.

geez - it started raining at my place hours ago - right when I was getting into a project...
this system must have missed you to the north of me. Black clouds, lightening, thunder, wind. I had the woodstove going to warm up the house. It's just wrong to run the heater in May.

LOL, Summer. You and my niece are in agreement on that.

It rained here a bit starting after 8 p.m. But just lightly and no thunder or lightning. It is cold, though.

This message was edited May 22, 2010 10:20 PM

Summer I have communes with you on thought until the mashed potatoes. Euuuuch! It is nothing but sugar x 2 with nosweetness or flavor. Oh unless you dump grease on it to make it edible. I prefer the skin of the potatoe to eat.
Fortunately the brakes cost 400 bucks to fix and I didn't pay for it soshe realized the expence of car ownership. Now she wants to sell the car!

"Summer I have communes with you on thought until the mashed potatoes."

Say what?

I thought that was pretty self-explanatory.

We're clearly talking mashed potatoes, but how does the commune conversation play into them?

I use an Iphone and it replaces words if you don't keep looking when you type. It should have said "concurr" instead of communes. Welcome to autofill on iPod. Any potatoes especiall mashed I do not eat.

I like the potato skins with pico de gallo & chicken - you know it's just a wrap for whatever.
BUT - home-grown potatoes taste so much different than store-bought. I grow several varieties each year & so glad I do: fantastic winter-treat.

Ah, I see. Still not sure what you were concurring with, but glad to have concurrence in any form.

I made sweetened condensed milk & horseradish from scratch today, probably not seeing straight anyway.

Katye, maybe you will share your potato-growing secrets. Mine always have a bitter taste.

grow them above-ground & mulch with straw/dry leaves/compost they root along the stem). Harvest is easy & pretty clean.
I don't fertilize or do anything special. I have grown them in-ground as well, but digging takes more time, and I always speared some by accident.
There are several threads in the Veg Gardening forum, but for a good overview, check out doccat's article here: http://davesgarden.com/guides/articles/view/435/