I Confess, the Movie! Starring Marlene and Friends.........

I have been validated today. "Stamp" Thank you Gloria.

I think people and animals, too, are attracted to a self-validated person. But some just want to trip you off your "high horse" so you will be like everybody else (!).

When I sense that from people I allow it to become a joke. They then don't see me on a high horse. Just a cute pony. Many people are followers of self confident people. They are desperate for someone who can make decisions, and live with the concequences. Being wrong when you are self confident is a lesson not a punishment. Being right is a validation (when quietly accepted) is a character that everyone wants to be around.

I see that you have had that experience!

Daily. I work with an office of 8 doctors and I being the transient one am watched closely. When I get gifts from clients (weekly) they wonder what I do. So I joke about how the person related to my comedy, good looks, massive mind, or what ever they are able to accept as my uniqueness. It has benefited me because the bosses are pleased and comment also jokingly that Alaskans must like outsiders on horses with cowboy hats. I take the jokes so they flow readily. But that keeps me in a position of equal without having to deal with jealousy.

Good humor goes a long way.

I was in a similar situation - I mean a competitive situation. I didn't win though. I lost my State job - one I had devoted 20 years of my life to. Guess I didn't have a sense of humor.

Anyhow. Skills that we should learn but sometimes don't.

Sometimes the "skills" that enable you to "win" in a particular situation are not desireable.

That was certainly true in this situation. The people actually running the Agency are political yoyos with no technical training. All of the technically trained people were attacked one by one and forced out of their jobs. The agency head was recruited from out-of-state so that he would not be aware of the inner workings - by the time he found out he would also be attacked and run out of the state. The result is an agency run by a little clique with connections to all the power sources in the state. Their continuity is assured - and so is the mediocrity of their product.

I imagine this situation holds where ever there is State/Federal money to be had.

I'm glad you guy enjoyed the video =)

Lovely, lovely story.
Sofer, a lot of kids in your situation would have learned self-condemnation. What made the difference?

Sadly, it seems to go that way frequently Gloria. Sorry you had to loose out. I've seen it too where someone has an agenda for where they want their funding to go and they don't want any real technical expertise to tell them anything different.

I had God in my life and he told me a lot of good, and rewarded me when I worked on who I was. I have spent my life becoming someone special vs someone angry. I had lots of help with people He put in my life. I am very blessed even after many failures that didn't stop me but only made me a better person. I am not bragging but only telling you it could have been really tough and different if I followed my feelings.

I did follow my feelings and tried to fight the system. My hair fell out and I got pretty sick. I retired on disability.

I am sorry to hear that. I don't know why God became so important other than He did. I wandered off and back He brought me. It is good to be loved by someone so special.

I'm with you Soferdig, lots of reasons I could have been messed up and I went my own way for awhile. Reading the Bible has definitely helped me see people and my own life in a very different perspective.

First, I LOVED that video! And it's so true. Second, Gloria, you are an awesome person, and yes, crap has come your way. Yet I know you have the strength to see the next open window, and find where you really are able to grow. Girl, you can do it!

Brenda

If your hair fell out Gloria, it make me wonder how the other people kept it in.

And yes, Sofer, to be loved and to know it is so very stabilizing. All the things we get upset about seem so much smaller.

I didn't mean to get into specifics - only that there are challenges and we all have to find our own way. So its a good thing to plan on having some resources - whatever they may be - to get through our lives.

Sofer said, “MM I meant to comment on the painting but got sleepy. Her eyes are seeing something powerfully spectacular but quite terrifying. I suspect the event horizon she is experiencing has given her the expression. Wonderful moment of emotion captured on canvas! How did you personally experience this in your life? It is too real.”

Sofer, very perceptive of you. I think you fully understand pushing limits and risk taking, given your experiences with the outdoors in various ways. I have done some of that myself, but these days I am more likely to take equally challenging inner journeys in my artistic and spiritual processes.

This painting pretty much represents what has been happening to me since early December, although I did not recognize that fact until I had the painting done. It has been a deeply intense time, which is why I have been extra goofy on the forum here, as a bit of a release valve.

What I have seen has indeed been “powerfully spectacular but quite terrifying” as you described it. For one example, I was shown the process of the creation of my soul, which certainly qualifies for that description. This painting speaks of my personal spiritual odyssey.

I was wondering. I have always enjoyed understanding the developement of who I am and how each event in my life changed me. I hope you too enjoy yours. This will be a wonderfully difficult time in your life.

Yes, you know what you are talking about.

Gloria, hope you are doing o.k. I worry about you being in Alabama. Ever think about moving out west? Not that it isn't hard here sometimes but I do think you would enjoy the people in our area. Eccentricity is more accepted, I think. Altho, southerners are famous for it and I even have family in Florida, so you Know there are pockets of non-conformists not far from you! Friends can be a great comfort.

Roybird: Just like you to be concerned about me. Yes, it is a little hard to be - maybe an octagonal peg amidst a bunch of square pegs! And I did live out West earlier where there were more people like me. I lived in Santa Maria, San Jose, Palo Alto, Santa Barbara & San Diego in California. We were "missile gypsies" in those days - following government contracts for the Space industry.

A few years agoI bought a 100 year old house in this little historic town in rural Alabama. Its on 2&1/2 acres and I thought it might keep me busy. A greenhouse business has not worked out though. I guess I should think about moving on. I do have retirement income and I do own my home. But I am pretty weird to the local residents (!)

I knew you lived in California and that the house has been quite a struggle. Although I'm sure it is a very interesting house. I doubt I would do too well in the south, beautiful as it is.

When I first got here I worked for the University so there were a lot more compatible people. Traditionally this little town did have a University as well - so the old families are from an old southern intellectual tradition that you might not expect - Truman Capote, Tennessee Williams $ etc.

Places do change, don't they? The south has some wonderful writers, that's for sure. And fabulous gardens!

I am not sure Truman Capote and Tennessee Williams lived in such a different town from what you are living in now gloria -- if you read their work, their home towns weren't much.

Actually, Capote was born in New Orleans, and Williams was born in Columbus, Ms. But they sure understood the South and Southern traditions.

One of the principals at the historic house where I worked here was a cousin to Tennessee Williams. There were 5 children in the family - all of them were university educated and writers in their own right.

This message was edited May 11, 2009 10:33 PM

If you read "A Christmas Memory" it sure sounds as if Capote lived in the rural South. Also his friend who wrote To Kill a Mockinbird definitely lived next door in the South. Capote may have been born in New Orleans, but he sure writes as if he lived in rural Mississippi.
I know less about Tennessee Williams. Poor Southerners of some social pretention did get educated, but many of them lived rather primative lives.

The family here - Tennessee Williams cousins - were very well educated and very poor. There are stories that as 5 old brothers and sisters living in the house they would often have nothing to eat except what people donated to their welfare - like a hog's head from a butchered hog, or a bushel of pears. There was a sand cellar full of canned food when I got here. By then they were old and sick though. One daughter had been a Christian missionary/teacher in China. Another married a US Congressman and lived in New Orleans. One of the sons was a geologist/engineer for the State Oil and Gas Board. And one of the daughters taught French at Sophie Newcomb. Another wrote poetry and was confined at an asylum for a while. One son graduated from West Point and another from the Naval Academy. That one even ran for the presidency against FDR at one point.

So that is quite a collection of educated people.

It certainly is. And I guess people took care of them because their family was from there. It actually isn't uncommon to find very poor, very well educated people in the South. At least some families considered that their social class required them to be well educated and well read -- whether they had money or not. It was also important to have land.
As I recall Truman Capote's mother left him with his grandmother ( aunt?) in a small town in Mississippi while she ran around with numerous men always hoping to meet "the right one". Her life was too unstable for her to keep her son with her. Harper Lee lived next door. I had the feeling they were not poor, but not well of either.

A biography: Harper Lee. http://www.nndb.com/people/572/000025497/

Very interesting. Thanks. And she grew up in Alabama, not Mississippi -- not that they are so different. I grew up partially in Mississippi and you can tell that my mind bought it as Mississippi. Funny that people think she deserved partial credit for In Cold Blood. I once heard a couple of guys gossiping that Capote wrote To Kill a Mockingbird. I didn't believe it for a minute.
Great information. The South is truly a gold mine of culture and education as well as racism and just plain mean spirited behavior.
Since you are there, I hope you are enjoying it. I, myself, return to Mississippi once or twice each year. There is something about the South.

It is paradoxical that there is such a tradition of being well educated, and military trained, and service to one's country - but at the same time such hatred and bigotry against other races and outsiders.

I found a manuscript at the historic property called "The Apitheosis of J Tom": In was quite venemous against Chief Justice Warren and the whole idea of civil rights - with a thesis that civil rights would destroy the core of what the South was about. At the same time this person would go out of his way to make sure that blacks were paid when they did work at the property. Often they were expected to work with no pay, elsewhere. So there is a complexity that would be hard for an outsider to understand.

Something about the South - yes there is. The Magnolia Grandifloras just came into bloom this week.

I just have to add that the south didn't corner the market on bad behavior. Kit Carson, for example. Indigenous people suffered a lot here and we still have severe poverty in the southwest. It isn't a regional quality! It is a sad part of the human condition. And there are really cool people everywhere, too. Artists, mostly, and gardeners!

"When God made you he broke the mold, then drug tested all of the employees"
(unknown)

That's pretty much how I feel most days but I like being me so that's ok. =)

Pretty funny Duchess. Any results come back positive?

That's a good one, Duchess! I like that as a title for a self-help book! I really do. Good attitude. What happens when angels fail their drug tests? I was thinking angels would be sort of like Santa's elves in this situation. Like a people workshop up in the clouds!

I just imagine them all sitting around on their individual clouds discussing their feelings and childhood experiences trying not to cramp their wings.