I'm A Moose Matador

Well, here I sit in my upstairs office, visiting on Dave's, and there in the yard below is a young bull moose. He was heading across our drive, into the woods. I wonder if he's peeled the bark off my scruffy little willow tree?

Tried fencing?

No, Darius, I've given up fighting with moose, and I don't think they can hold one of those little fencing swords in those big ol' hooves of theirs.

LOL!

You know, come to think of it, they do have split hooves....

Weez, you're a hoot! ...fencing... (shaking head, can't believe it, chuckling)

Weez, please remind me to someday relate my sisters moose story - from Cordiva Alaska.

Is it someday yet? I'm all ears..... :)

This is so funny I can't stop laughing. I know it wasn't funny at the time. Maybe you could get some SKUNK Spray that ought to deter that darn old moose. :)

Skunk perfume would certainly repel me. We have a problem with skunks around here and have found that Wal-marts cheapest perfume sprinkled around is a complete deterrent.
I have also been reminded by several neighbors to not follow the very large Alligator tracks because I might find what made them. I had a friend that discovered that they are very dangerous. He spent a little time in a hospital from a foolish encounter. Along the Texas Louisana border, he ran over a 6 foot gator about midnight. He stopped and it looked dead. He picked it up and threw it in the back of his van. About 2 miles down the road he suddenly noticed the gator getting in the drivers seat with him. He stopped and left the door open so it could get out. It sat in the drivers seat with the engine running and the headlights on until sunrise, then got out. He came down with a fever from the thousands of mosquito bites. Another painful lesson learned. There is danger every where if you do the wrong thing.

Sorry for the hijack.

trois

Funny hijack! Good thing your friend ended up ok but the picture in my head of an alligator sitting in the front seat of a van... :)

Well Weez, just keep out of the new bull moose's way!!!!
.........and avoid alligators - that is a hoot of a story, though as serious as the moose problem. Thanks for telling it trois

Weeze......Your story is just too cute.....I had no idea that Moose were so aggressive. I thought they would be like the White Tail Deer we have here in Northern Michigan....which run for cover if you happen to catch them in your garden.

By the way, have you ever tried Liquid Fence?? It really works for me, and not sure if it would keep the Moose away.

Deann

Trois, thanks for the great story! Dyson, jump on in with your tale! Deann, any kind of 'fencing' is not practical here. Our property is surrounded by woods, and my trees and plants are scattered about it. There are driveways on either end that would have to be gated... just too expensive and too much trouble. Some of the worst tree gnawing occurs in the winter when moose are foraging in earnest. Our plowed driveways attract them, and even fenced yards are vulnerable when the snow gets 3 or 4 ft deep... they just step across them!

My sister & brood (15 + years in Alaska) consume mostly local staples for food. Ie salmon, moose etc. One moose will feed the family for a long time (properly stored) and the Moose hunting lic. are issued on a "lottery". Well though sis is not much of a hunter two chances are better than one.

So they both (her & the brother-in-law) bought hunting lic. & entered the lottery. Sis got the ticket. So the hunt began.

The idea was that If they found the Moose he would shoot it & she would tag it. His gun jammed. She shot it. Try liveing that down in a small Alaska fishing village.

To this day I feel sorry for the bil.

That is sad. She could have loaned him her gun.

trois

Sis, give up her gun? Don't think thats gonna happen!

weezng. I missed your moose story first time around, funny story now, glad you weren't injured. Maybe the really cheap perfume would work. It is very provoking for the animals to ruin what you have worked hard for. Donna

Dyson, I can imagine you BIL was feeling bested for awhile there. Ah, well, he could have said, 'You shot it, you clean it and pack it out!', but I bet he didn't. It's an incredible job to clean a moose. It would be like shooting a cow in the field, then having to field dress it in order to move it... if you leave it, the bears say thank you.

By the way, Dyson, moose are plentiful enough that they do not have a lottery for them in Alaska... at least nowhere I am familiar with. They do, however require a certain number of brow tines to be legal. It sure is difficult to tell at a distance. However, polar bear, Kodiak brown bear, goat, sheep, muskoxen and buffalo are all lottery game. Caribou & deer are seasonal hunt, like moose, but you can only shoot one moose per season, per hunter.

My second husband used to hunt for moose every fall. We had four teenaged kids at home, so filling the freezer with moose was very important, as with your sister and husband. He had a small rag and tube airplane, so we'd go moose spotting in the evenings before season opened. We'd keep track of their habits and haunts, so that he would know where to land and camp.

He'd fly in the night before, taking the two oldest boys, set up camp, and go hunting in the morning. He would usually get a moose the next day. I'd hear him overhead, 'buzzing the house' to let me know he was bringing in some fresh meat bags. The organ meats came out first. I remember him bringing in a meat sack with the liver and emptying it into the sink. It filled up one well!

I found this quite by accident. Wondering what "Jokes and Chat" was all about..
I just sat at this desk and laughed myself so silly, I hurt.

You have such a way with words. You have not only made my day , I have to say my week.

Hopefully you'll find the time to write a Book. I'll be first to buy it.
With your permission I would love to print it out ,
when were sitting watching birds just start reading this article to the group who are hoping for that "Bald Eagle to fly over head!
BUMP, right ncgardenaddict? She's funnier than anything./
Sandy

I lived in Cape May, (Coast Guard) for three years, actually North Cape May, A little ways from the ferry terminal. Neat town.

Sandy, that's such a cute teddy bear pic! I wonder what he's up to on the other side...sleeping, grabbing a fish, drinking? Too cute!

-Julie

Hahaha!! I love the pic ! For my own amusement I believe that he tripped and that's how he landed!

NC, that's hilarious! Bet he felt foolish when he got up and all the other bears were laughing at him too. Poor bear! ROTFLMAO

-Julie

Wonder what polar bear laughs should like? ;)

Love the polar bear picture, Sandy. I think he is just lazing around in the sun. It's hard to imagine that they could loom 9 ft over you when standing up on their hind legs... guess they lose that teddy bear quality about that time! Binky the Polar Bear from the Anchorage zoo was quite a celebrity for awhile in the 90's. On two occasions some foolish visitors got too close, and the response from local Alaskans was definitely pro-Binky: http://www.mit.edu/~jcb/humor/polar-bear-morons

HAHAHA! Weezin! That is a funny article!! Poor old Binky! Course he's probably enjoying the tourist excitement...

Can't believe how dumb people can be!

Yea, Binky! (and I wanna tee shirt...)

Weezingreens, thanks for that link. Very funny stuff. I liked the one editorial encouraging a Binky visiting day....to raise the State test scores LOL

-Julie

Weez ?

"He had a small rag and tube airplane,"

Pati

Dyson, Hello, well you know how beautiful the area is.... I go birding on the base. I know someone who teaches courses for the boaters!
That does help!

I love that bear picture I have a friend who sends me all these sillies. I like passing them on. Makes people laugh..

Binky, hmmm, maybe that will be the name of a new birdI just re-read your story, soooo Funny. You have a writing ability that, I do admire. Truly think you should start a book
Sandy

Great story on Binky the Bear.... I'd buy a tee shirt and also the music. I'm all for the bear. People can be such moron's!

most excellent link

We have had so much fun with this... maybe one day I'll post my racoon story.

Do tell Darius!!!

Well, in a couple of days, and in another thread so as not to hijack this one. It's long to type...

Yeah! another bedtime story!!!!!

Patischell, rag & tube airplane refers to small aircraft that are constructed of metal tubing and covered with cloth. It keeps them light so they can take off and land in confined areas. Mike liked to fly into remote areas and land on gravel bars along the rivers. The only thing more heart stopping than landing was taking off just over the tree tops!

Go ahead Darius, this is the spot for spinning yarns... highjack away!

Okay, here’s my Raccoon story…

Some years ago, I bought an older waterfront house in an old wooded neighborhood on the Severn River, up river about 6 miles from Annapolis, MD.

To set the stage: It had a porch with screening, half-walls and sloping floors to let rain run off on 2 sides. AND a HUGE oak at the corner, touching the house. I put up a wall to make a summer guest bedroom in one end of the waterside porch.

Well, my job (sales/medical equip) required that we work one day a month with a manufacturer’s rep, and the Rep I got that month was a City Boy from New Jersey. He had never been water skiing (or even out of the city, I think), so we played hooky from work and tried to teach him to water ski, to no avail. Mercy, he had more Severn River enemas than the law allows! That man kept falling hard, over and over again.

After supper, we were invited down the street for a birthday cake. He declined, being pooped from trying to water ski, but I left him the phone number and walked down the street.

Well… an hour later, I get this frantic phone call from him… there’s a wild animal in the house!

I ran back, and here’s this city boy in just his jockey shorts, white buck loafers and brandishing a pistol in the air in my living room! I’m sure he was so upset he didn’t realize he was just in underwear, LOL.

He’s still frantic, and tells this story: “I was asleep, and I felt someone softly get in bed with me. I figured it was you, and turned over to put my arms around you.”

Whoa, it was a raccoon and I’m not sure who scared the other the most! He jumped and ran, the raccoon jumped and ran… into the house and into the bathroom. He closed the bathroom door, got his gun and called me…

After I assessed the situation of the raccoon in my only bathroom, with periodic strange sounds emitting from there, I called Animal Control. No dice. Called the SPCA, no dice. Finally called the volunteer fire department down the road and a man came with a long-handled crab net.

Gingerly, the fireman entered the bathroom, closing the door behind him … and all was very quiet for maybe 2 full minutes. Then, sounds of breaking glass, and much pandemonium inside, and finally the door flew open…

Out came the racing raccoon followed by the racing man with just a 2 foot section remaining of his long-handled crab net!

He chased the raccoon to the porch corner where the big oak touched the porch. I found some trail mix and went down to ground level and coaxed it down, finally.

When we surveyed the bathroom, the only broken glass was a bottle of cologne (phew!)… but the funniest thing was the raccoon’s habit of washing food. The toilet bowl was filled with tubes of shampoo and toothpaste, caps off so he could wash them, and he had peeled an entire box of tampax trying to wash them!

I guess I will never forget my mental image of that city boy in his jockey shorts waving his pistol in the air, and the washed items in the toilet bowl.

That's a hoot!! sure tickled my funnybone! Just curious, did you ever ask him why he thought something furry was you? maybe it was a dream......... lol

Great story, Darius! It certainly does conger a mental image!