Compassion for handicapped gardeners #9

Congratulations, Scraps! What a wonderful Christmas present. Will this be your first biological grandchild? *Kay*

That’s wonderful, Scraps. She will be in our prayers.
Kay had on a utilitarian type knitted cap when she fell. One of those with the eye and mouth openings you can pull down over your face, if it is seriously cold. She had the excess in a roll across her forehead and ears. That is what padded the blow when she fell. I’ve decided I like knitted caps! Good thing your daughter was old enough to help you when you fell.
I’m curious, Katiebear. I’m going to go find out what “brown bagging” a room actually is. LOL. (Jim)

You can Google it or go to the Trash to Treasure forum.

The hurricane in early Sept. has just provided a windfall for me. A man whose wife said "no more" after rebuilding four times in five years sold me a new refrigerator and cabinets for my kitchen. I also got a couple of doors and some shade cloth and a fan. And four small propane tanks, full of propane. Tony and I made two trips today to pick everything up. We do manage to keep busy.

My ankle is still stiff and a little swollen and I have to be careful not make it worse.

As you may gather, things like refrigerators and Home Depot-type cabinets are not easy to come by here. What refrigerators are here are overpriced and flimsy. Tony is happy cause his family will get the frig I have now. It's better than what they have now. As I upgrade, he upgrades.

I have adapted to the lifestyle here enough that I make do with what I have and can bring back from my occational trips to Ca. but I sure jumped at the chance to get a better frig. That's one thing I cannot transport in my van!!

It's almost bedtime and I'm quite sleepy. The dogs are warming up the bed for me.

hugs all around, katie

I'm in the depths of depression and feeling so sorry for myself.My DD next door and her boyfriend are very angry at me.I'm a mean old biddy. because i wont let them drive my car all the time. Theirs is broke down and they can't afford to get it fixed. So BF has been driving mine to work. He hit a deer and broke the windsheild, Which i replaced. Aweek later he hit another deer and bent my fender and door(so i can't open the door all the way.) I can't afford to fix it right now. I have still been loaning him the car.I had the oil changed. Have done without transportation or worked around his schedule.With my health problems i am afraid sometimes to not have tansportation here. DD says i can always call an ambulance.I suppose thats true but i'm uncomfortable with that. All three of us go to the same councelors. Me for depression. DD for pain and depression. BF for court ordered alcoholic abuse counciling. It was suggested i call the car borrowing to an end because of my physical health and they thought i needed to spend more time in town around other people.They think i'm being neglected and even abused.I honestly don't know. After i said no more car borrowing after today. DD said i owed it to her for everything she and BF have done for me.ie--cutting tree branches, Yard work. I had to hire someone last year to cut mine and their broken branches. Cost $500. I myself maintain our road abt.$300 a year.DD told me it needed to be done again this year. I said no.
Right now i'm so ashamed of my yard.It's all grown up with weeds. because i can't physically handle large bags of trash. There is garbage scattered all over my yard. because BF can't be bothered to round up a pickup to carry it off. He can go to another county to pick up beer, He will have time to watch football this weekend and drink.but he'll be too tired to do anythng else.
He also has been telling people that HE owns this land up here.DD says well it is in her and other DD,S name. Yes it is because i insisted when we bought this land. That it should be put in their name so when we die it would be there for them.I thought i had raised good christian girls, who would look after our well being. I guessed wrong.That hurts unbeleivably.
i filed bankruptcy last year because of unbeleavable medical bills and i included the rest of my car and what i still owed on the extra 10 acres i bought. DD says i can't complain about what i payed for my things as i did'nt pay for all of it.But i'm still paying $100 amonth on these bills.I'm just not paying all i get anymore.
When i feel like i'm being accused of something.I can't argue rationally, i just get defensive.One councilor will be out here this coming week.I hope she can help me. I have talked to someone to maybe do some outdoor work for me(if i can afford it.)Someone else is coming out to see about hauling off my
trash. for a price.
I don't want to move to town. What about my 2 dogs and cat.What about all my flowers. What about this land i love and worked so hard with my husband to make livable. DD says my DH did it all and i did nothing. That is simply not true.We hauled sawdust and sand by the pickup loads to spread in our garden spot. I've shoveled,hoed,raked,weeded to clear this land and beleive me hauled rocks.I've got rock fences around my flowers to prove it. It was nothing but woods when we moved here.I did my part too.
Anyway, i could sure use a liyttle advice about what to do. Thats all i want is ADVICE.I will make it. I'M A SURVIVER! I CANDO IT.Just for now i feel a little lost.
Vickie

Vickie, stand your ground. See if you can redeed the land and leave this girl off the title. It is worth the effort to check on. If you and the other DD agree you just may be able to do it. Site her treatment of you and the neglect of the yard and land. DO NOT let them use you anymore. If you own the house they live in evict them. Begin proceedings immediately. What is going on is indeed abuse. Be sure to get the counselors involved. Also the Division of Aging in your county. I know AR laws are different from MO ones & I honestly don't know what could be done here but I'd sure make an effort. They need to start realizing that behaviours end with concequences, not always pleasant ones. Don't allow them to bully and use you any more. When the counselors come this week they will see just how much the kids haven't done. Do you have a digital camera. That kind will record dates with each picture. Some 35mm ones will too. Even the little disposable ones. Take pictures today to record the condition of the place before they can maybe do some of the work and make themselves look good.
That is my advice. Hang in there, Vickie. Remember that nothing is going to happen today that you and GOD can't handle together.
EvaMae

Hi Everybody,

My bitten ankle is still sore and swollen making it hard to sleep.

But compared to what Vickie wrote, I am doing just fine.

Darn, girl, the first thing I can say is that it sound like your daughter is abusing you verbally with statements like you've don nothing. She probably says things like you've never done anything for her, etc, etc. That is her problem. She and her BF sound like 2-yr-olds having tantrums an they need a serious time out with time to reconsider whether they feel any gratitude towards you for all you have done. If they don't and won't, you need to keep them away from you as they are feeding your depression and any contact you have with other, whether counselors or friends, will be used to off-set their poison. Better to stop taking the poison and let them see how they far without you.

Do you get along well with your other daughter? If you do, you are probably safe on theownership of your land. In that case it might be a good idea for that daughter to make a will leaving you her share o the property in case anything happens to her. On this, I'd suggest you talk to a lawyer as protecting your home is of the utmost importance. Few things are more depressing than fearing loss of your home. And it sounds like this daughter is so ungrateful and in such a sick relationship that you cannot trust her to take care of your as you had hoped she would.

I think (reading between the lines) that her ungrateful behavior is making you feel as if you have failed as a mother. Think about this. Sounds to me like you have done a lot for her and your failure, if any, was in not teaching her to be grateful for all she has. Soud like her BF hs the same problem (most alcholics do) and they are bound together , at least in part, by their bullying of you. So, give it up, Vicki. As a parent, you did what you could and it's time to move one and allow your daughter to amke it or fail ON HER OWN. If she's old enough to find endless fault with you, she's old enough to take care of herself (with the wonderful help of her BF).

I'd suggest that your spproach with the counselor be "How do I get these horrible, ungrateful people as far aout of my life as possible." As soon as they start criticizing you, call a halt and say, "I did what I could. I nneed care. My house needs care. I'm DONE with doing for you because it's never enough and that's a major cause of depression - endless criticism and the awareness that no matter what I do all I get back is complaints."

AS you may have guessed by now, this is a very familiar scenario to me. Sounds just like my famly. And I can promise you, that did not turn out well. My younger sister remained ungrateful, my mother ended up in anursing home where she was abuse physically and mentally. For what iti's worth, my younger sister, whom my mother never gave up on, killed herself a few years after my mother died. (No one wanted to hear her whining.)

Back to your situation. Anyone wo complains about you not loaning them your car after he's had two acccidens in which he did not even pay for the repairs needs a serious reality check.

My advice - first, talk to your other daughter and an attorney and make sure that you will not lose your home. Second, tell the counselor and your ungrateful daughter that you need a time-out from their endless cmplaints as it is making your depression worse. Add that you need to focus your resources on clean-up of the land an road repair (and car repair) and since they are not helping you, but only continuing to try to suck on the maternal breast - they need to understand that your milk has dried up. They need a reality check.

You need some friends and company wo nurture you. However (and I'm an expert on this) if you allowthem to continue to drain you dry, financially and emotionally, other friends and relationships won't do anything to really help your depression. And you will be suing anyone else you come in contact with - not fair to them or to you.

Deep down, your daughter and her BF probably do feel like small childrern who cannot take care of themselves. That may be true but, for better or worse, your job as her mother id done, and if she is not mature enough to start takig some of the responsibiility for taking care of you, you need to distance yourself from her - for her sake as well as your own.

See what you get for asking for advice?

I'd further suggest that, after you talk to your other daughter and an attorney, or maybe around the same time, you check out senior sources to find a friend or two who wuld like to come out and play in your yard or just have tea and cookies. Do you have room to consider having someone else live with you? Be careful, in your depressed state you might make some bad choices but, when you manage to turn away from people who do nothing but criticise, you will find there is a world of love out there.

In no coincidence, yesterday I was talking with my friend Sharon about how happy I was with myself and the world that when she came to me a few weeks ago and said she had car trouble and needed a ride to town I promptly took her to town so she could do her errands. And whne I bot bitten by the dog, I dimmediately went to my neighbor Dana and she dropped everything to take me to the local clinic. And I, at close to 70 years old, am liking myself and feeling that I am a good person in the company of other good people.

Letting go of a child has to be one of the harde tasks the world may demand of us, but sometimes it needs to be done.

love, katie

My dear fellow gardeners.
I have not been here in a number of days because I have been in deep prayer for our
brothers and sisters in Haiti. I have been to Haiti 20 times since 1991 and have grown
to love my brothers and sisters there very much.
Here is an update I received from a missionary friend in Les Cayes, Haiti this morning.
It was sent with pictures but I will forward the text only as the pictures are hard to forward
with this format.
Please Pray for our brothers and sisters in Haiti.
Paul.


Hello friends and family; Thank you for the many emails and prayers and encouragement you have given during this time. This is just a quick update to let you know our status here.

Yesterday was a busy but good day as we held a large medical clinic for the people of Renault where we do the Sunday School / children's feeding program. We had a large, well trained group of medical professionals who worked well together and many patients were seen and needs met. None of the people seen at Renault were victims of the earthquake, but there were still many sick people helped.



Yesterday we were also able to load and send many supplies into the missionaries at Christianville , just this side of Port au Prince.
The missionaries here in Cayes worked together and sent sheets, medicine, food, water and other supplies.



Last night after the long day of medical clinic, we realized that many wounded earthquake victims were making their way out to Cayes and our mission hospital here was filling up. Our son Tim, quickly drove 4 doctors from our medical team back from the guesthouse, and they worked all night at the hospital caring for patients and receiving victims as they arrived from Port au Prince. Kara worked all through the night translating for the doctors and Tim helped also. Our medical team is covering the night shift at the hospital again tonight and they are a great help.


The stories these poor people tell are amazing. One well built young man (Vilneve) who is an electrician in Port au Prince will need to have his left arm amputated. He was together with his partner when the earthquake hit, and the building they were working in collapsed. His partner died, and his head was pinned against Vilneve's left arm with such force that it cut off circulation and now Vilneve will need to have his arm amputated.

Many people are so desperate to get out of Port au Prince that they are walking towards Cayes. The people that have arrived here already have nothing so the local people here and missionaries are working together to provide food and meals for all the earthquake survivors who are here. Even though the stores have been closed and most shops are not selling what little food they have remaining, I was able to purchase a lot of food tonight from a merchant friend. This food should help the needs of many at the hospital for a week or two at least.



In Canada, World Team has offered to receive donations towards Haiti, and they have reduced their administration fee to 5% during this difficult time. Please mark you donation '" Wrays- Haiti relief"

In the USA , please send any donations to Harvest International.

Please continue to pray for us.

Deb is working at an alarming pace taking care of our 18 visitors and providing meals, baking and keeping a clean guesthouse for them. She has some Haitian workers helping but she shops and organizes it all, which isn't easy with dwindling supplies.

We need God's wisdom and guidance as we try to determine the best way to evacuate our visitors out of Haiti and back to the U.S.

We need strength as we try to meet the needs of so many hurting people around us,


thanks, bye for now,

Love Rod, Debbie and gang






Agape Flights Cay# 18089
100 Airport Ave.
Venice, Fl 34285

509-3479-1788

I agree with Katie, Vickie.

I have a mentaly ill DD who I now have a one year restraining order against. She can't even call me on the phone herself. However she has spread lies to the other children & people who know me about me. I don't know if the family will ever recover from what she did this last time I helped her. But divison in the family and hurting me was exactly what she planned. I took her in after much begging to her sister to keep her off the streets. I should have realized that her problems with former people who had taken care of her for a couple months at a time were her making not their's. I now hear she is about to move in with an old friend who is a strong Christian & runs a 1/2 house for just released prisioners. That won't last long as she is a constant complainer and just plain lazy.She has burned her bridges everywhere she has been for the past 3 years or more.

Vickie, please take very good care of yourself. I know this is a personal question, but do you have a church you at least attempt to attend regularly? Perhaps there is someone in that congregation who is compatible with you and needs a place to live. I realize that once we have lived alone it is hard to have someone else move into 'our territory'. But if you can find someone it might be the answer to your needs.

Do move quickly on this issue for your own safety and mental peace and strength.

You are loved. Never forget that.
EvaMae

Thank you so much for the support. I needed it badly. I should not have ranted on you and i apoligise. Everything seemed so hopeless at that time. I am taking back controll of my life. It was my councelor that pointed out to me that things were not right.They(the ladies and the doctor will point me in the right direction to change things) I have to do it myself,tho they will back me.
If my DD will not accept change then they can step in.
Tomorrow I'll go to church in town. And go on to the meeting in Russellville.I'll stay busy in town. i'M nervous about changing things, But i have to if i expect to survive.I'm rambling and i am ashamed i layed this on you.Please,please don't worry. I have a great support team here and they'll support me.I'm not in any danger.I just have to step up and take controll of me.
Your problems are as big as mine. Looks like all of you have gone through different crisis and survived.Mine could'nt possibly be any more than any of yours.
At any rate Monday i'll set up an appointment for the 3 of us with a councelor.I was really surprized BF agreed to meet with a councelor and us.
Please keep me in your prayers.I'll keep you updated.
Vickie

Vickie, we are glad you 'dumped and ranted' on us. If we don't know the problems each other faces how can we reach out in compassion and prayer? We must communicate even the horrible parts of our lives as well as the good. I'm glad you are intent on protecting yourself and have people with some authority and clout on your side and ready to help you. So glad to hear you will be in GOD's house tomorrow. Also thankful the BF is at least saying he will go to counseling. I'm sure he knows he has no hold on the house or land and is in no way in a position to argue or bluff at this time. The house they live in is yours isn't it? If so he is an outsider and can be ordered off the place and a restraining order placed against him at any moment.

I've directed a couple of people to this thread and the Practical Help for the Handicapped(?) thread. They sounded very interested so I pray they follow thru.

GOD bless and keep each of you.
EvaMae

Thanks Eva, DD owns the mobile home.She told BF she's willed evrything to him.
Hope your friends will come on over.

But if you own the land, you can possibly restrain him from coming onto the property. I'm not sure what you can do about her presence. Her will is useless until she dies so that helps him none at this time. If you own the land perhaps you can force her to move the mobile home. Hopefully your other DD will side with you forcefully and take a firm stand against her sister. Does she live close to you and is she aware of what is happening to you at the hands and mouth of her sister and the BF?

I'm praying for you and this situation. May GOD deliver you from the hands of the enemy quickly.
EvaMae

My other DD is in Texas. She would not take sides right now nor would i want her too. She was very sick and in hospital not long ago.She does'nt need any strife right now.
I could'nt make DD move she has nowhere else to go. If i did that i would be exactly what she says i am. If i do what i think is wrong, I would really have nothing.

She and BF could move the trailer to a trailer park/court. Don't let the 'no where else to go' keep you a victim of hers/theirs. She/they knows exactly what she/they is/are doing to you and I will wager that she is enjoying every moment of it. I'm all too familiar with that type of personality and mentality. You are going to have to practice tough love.

I've just been thru it so the memories are fresh. My other children wouldn't stand by me either and they didn't have recent hospitalizations to get in the way. They just believed everything my DD said. They didn't even call me and ask what my side of the stories she was telling them was. I kind of caught each of the 2 boys alone & told them my side of some of the stories but only the youngest believes me at all. I didn't know she had been making the phone calls to all of them until after I filed for the restraining order. Then they got upset with me for getting it to protect myself. They still refuse to really side with me. Now I find out 3 other people have told her to shape up or ship out and she always chooses to leave. She is rapidly running out of people to take advantage of.

Just remember, Vickie, you have to use tough love on children like this. Even GOD uses tough love on HIS willful, wayward, rebellious, disrespectful children.

GOD bless and keep each and all of you.
EvaMae

Big, big, gentle, bear hug, Vickie! I agree with almost all the advice the little Bear and Eva gave. I know that letting go of a needy, but toxic child is incredibly hard. No matter how old they are. But, there comes a point where it has to be done. For their sake, as well as your own. Kay’s eldest DD has a drug and alcohol problem. For years, Kay bailed this child out of trouble and put herself between DD#1 and the consequences of the crazy things she did. I think overcoming her maternal instincts and letting the child fully experience the backlash of her actions without interfering or comforting was one of the toughest things she ever had to do. I’m not sure she ever would have if her two younger daughters had not confronted her. They basically said, “Hey, Mom! What about us? You are so busy covering Big Sis’s self-centered, crazy backside, you are endangering yourself and we feel neglected.”
As Katie says there are no guarantees turning away and forcing her to clean up her own messes will help her, but it is a chance. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t successful in getting the land back in your name. In my mind, that isn’t the biggest issue. It isn’t like you would be homeless, if you failed. I know you have Amargia as a safety net, and you probably have other safety nets, if you stop and really think about it.. You need to show you will not be bullied or manipulated. To some extent, we teach other people how to treat us. If you don’t draw the line here. It will be assumed you can be pushed further. I’m sorry, but to me, it is you that is important not the land. My MIL would have told you that owning land is a European delusion anyway. We are just caretakers for a time. Never owners. I know! I know! It sounds like high minded nonsense. But, there is some truth to it.
SD#1 is doing well. But, the thing is, she did it for herself after Kay refused to take responsibility for her anymore. You can’t fight someone else’s personal psychological demons. That is a battle we all have to fight alone. You don’t have a snowballs chance in Hades of destroying another person’s psychological demons, but those demons can destroy you! Especially, if that other person’s PPD’s are slipping through your defenses, and rousing your own PPD’s. We ALL have them! Anyone who says they don’t isn’t very self-aware or is outright lying. Being sane and mature just means you take responsibility for the management of your own personal demons. And, not letting them snap and bite other people. Sounds to me like you are trying to fight your daughter’s PPDs for her. It is a battle you can’t win, Beautiful Lady, no matter how hard you fight. The cold hard fact is all your sacrificing and hand-holding can ever accomplish is a little damage control. .
Even with my SD doing so well now, we still go in for quick, thorough hugs and then move back to arm’s length. Again, for her own sake as much as ours. It would be easy for her to fall back into the habit of blaming other people (especially her mother) for all the troubles she created herself. Your DD sounds like a co-dependent, and it sounds like you are in danger of joining her in that role.
Don’t dismiss a nursing home without, at least, giving it serious thought. Remember, not all nursing homes are bad and they don’t have to be a permanent arrangement. Mike recovered from a bad fall in a nursing home. He broke his leg and recovery was complicated by Type I diabetes.) When he recovered; he returned home and lived on his own many more years. Just make sure the people who matter know that is your plan from Day 1. The land will still be there when you recover and without you to buoy things up financially, the issues may resolve themselves without your doing anything. . Just put your car into a safe storage place and make sure an attorney or someone you can trust absolutely is looking after your financial interest. It might be, if you were away from the emotional stress, you would recover from your injury faster. Most of us will spend time in some sort of special care facility eventually. If we are lucky enough to live that long. You could look at it as checking out future options. Your mind might not be as sharp when the time really comes to think nursing homes.
Alcoholics are masters of manipulation. No one can lie or deceive as well as an alcoholic or a drug addict. They are so good, they even convince themselves sometimes. (A trait many recovering alcoholics freely admit to when they’ve reached a certain stage of recovery. An alcoholic must learn to be manipulative just to survive long as an alcoholic. ) If you are concerned that you can be verbally outmaneuvered, write down your position to back up your verbal stand or, if you have a friend with a sharp verbal mind and a quick tongue enlist their help. Kay is always finishing my sentences for me and telling people what I really mean. LOL. I learned this one the hard way. SD#1 has an extremely high IQ and had a sweet innocent face. She could sell sand to a Saudi. I give the initial impression of being big and dumb. I don’t have an agile tongue outside my field of expertise. The picture she painted of me with her words showed a Bible-pounding., sexist authoritarian that she was a little frightened of. (LOL. I was more afraid of her, than she was afraid of me. I saw her once pull a knife on her mother when she was strung out on something and Kay wouldn’t let her leave the house.) She had other people seeing me that way at first, too. So, I started writing things for family counseling sessions. Counselors and their like are just people. They are prone to all the stereotypical thinking that plagues the rest of us. That is especially true when it comes to clients of a certain age or who are physically disabled. Are you comfortable and confident about your counselor in that respect?
DW turned over Amargia to Nadine when she had a cancer scare and it appeared Nadine would be remaining in the area. . Nadine returned it when Kay’s prognosis came back excellent and Nadine moved to CT. It wasn’t a difficult or expensive process. Of course, Nadine did have to sign the papers. I pray a simple easy solution to your problem presents itself.
Lonejack, good to see you back. Thanks for sharing what you know about the situation t in Haiti. I spent the morning in a meeting at church. One of our bishops is missing there. He was attending a conference there when the quake hit. We are beginning to fear the worse. Ironically, he headed the C.O.R. (Council of Relief). We have managed to get a lot of relief supplies on the ground there, but can’t get them where they are most needed because of debris. I understand roads were pretty bad there to begin with. I’ve never been.) It is frustrating! I’m about to take an extra pain killer and lay back down Don’t know if it is just that it has been a stressful day or sitting on the horrible hard chairs in the Meeting Hall all morning, but the pain is bad. I can understand not making the bench pews in the sanctuary too comfortable. Wouldn’t want anyone falling asleep during a sermon! (Grin.) But, I’ve really got to do something about the chairs in the Meeting Hall. (Jim

Jim, Thank you so much for the words of encouragement.And the offer of sanctuary. You friends have kept my head above water during this.
I trust my councelors completely. It was they that pointed out to me that BF and DD were not doing me right and i needed to do something about it. Jim,your words were identical to theirs.I'm going to take this a step at a time.First, I'm going to church this morning and over to Russellville to a senior citizens group. Thats 2 sources to meet people,good people. Jim I've met biblethumping radicals. You're not it.
Monday i'll see my councilers and doctor and go on from there.Change is hard and scary.But i have to do this and i will.
I really feel for these poor Hiatians.I'll give some money to the Sal.Army for them.Am glad you and Jack have already been working with them.Their history has always been one of need.Maybe thru this some one Haitain will rise as a strong caring leader and bring the country up. Is this where the boy lives that wanted some chickens?
I'm beginning to wind down. I'll try again to sleep some in awhile.
Thank you for being here,
Vickie

No, the little boy I sponsor is in India. World Vision sent out letters to all the sponsors though telling what they are doing for children in the crisis area. Don't know if Rahul will get his chickens yet. I sent enough money but his case worker has to check if he is even in a situation where he can have chickens. I think he is. I know his father is an agricultural worker. I doubt he lives in town. He sent me a Christmas card he made himself. It has flowers and chickens drawn on it. LOL. I do hope they can give him his chickens. Pain is easing up. Will try to get to sleep. (Jim)

Hope you slept good Jim and everyone else.
I did'nt get to go to church. DD needed the car to go get parts for her car. Was glad to let her.
Later i went to a nearby river park and watched the water and listened to my cds of gospel music. Had'nt done that in awhile.The sun was shining and it felt good to be there.
I went to Russellville and thought i knew where the Senior Citizens bldg was and i was wrong. I found the address but discovered i could'nt read the street name signs. I went on to Hastings Books and spent the afternoon in there. They don't have electric carts but found a desk chair for me to sit in while i looked for books. I got a small book on Annuals, one about Europe and a farm magazine. Kay they have audio books to check out. Do you have a Hastings near you? It's been several years since i've been to a book store. Books are so expensive, I sure can't buy much but it's a joy to look.
Tomorrow i see my doctor and councelors.
I hope Rahul gets his chickens.

Hello everyone, I am sorry I have missed the last few days. My DD was in the hospital for a few days getting started on insulin. She is doing well now. I got to see a sonogram so I know there is a baby for sure. I got so excited just seeing the little bugger in there. I am not sure I will be able to keep up with him/her like I did with my girls but I intend to give it my best shot. I just pray it goes well for her. I had all kinds of problems with pregnancy and it seems I have passed all the bad traits on to my girls. I need to try harder with my diet and exercise so I will be better able to help her with the baby. So keep us in your prayers. I am so sorrry about the earthquake and I will keep them all in my prayers. How do people cope when they have no faith in God? OOps I forget we are not supposed to discuss religion on here. However, I think we are all friends and on the same wave link here. Sorry I am getting sleepy and I want to send vickie a dmail and tell her how much I love her and I hope I never have that problem myself.We just never know what our children will do no matter how we raise them. I would love to kick my SIL behind because he is teasing my DD with sweets and her so sick and having to take insulin. Now how cruel is that?

Vickie, I just read the last few days post and I am off to send you a Dmail.

Vickie, I will put a list of the garden books I am trying to find new homes for on your Dmail. Let me know if any of them interest you. There are a lot of gardeners in the area so the local libraries already have copies of them. Jim says there is a Hastings, but I've never been to it. Nadine always went to Books-A-Million, or occasionally Waldon's. B.A.M. has a coffee shop. Hanging there was a big part of Nadine's social life. I suggested the library might be easer on her pocketbook. She claimed all the older people in the area had already staked out the library as their hangout. LOL.

All the churches in the area gather at a park on the river once a year for non-denominational services. That is my favorite church service. The grandest cathedral doesn't inspire me the way nature's splendor does.

I know it is going to be rough sailing for the next few days. There are some storms you can't skirt or outrun. You just have to keep your bow into the waves and ride the storm out. Usually these things aren't as bad as we imagine they will be. My thoughts and prayers are with you. *Kay*

Yes, Vickie, you have been on my mind and in my prayers today. As Kay said, push into the difficulty, follow the advice of your doctors and counselors and just let GOD be GOD over it all.

Personally I think ownership of land is very important. Unless of course you have to start depending on the government to help take care of you in which case the less you own and less money you have the better.

Scraps, your SIL needs some talks from the doctors regarding this teasing of your DD. Perhaps he doesn't realize or doesn't want to face the seriousness of the situation. And just maybe she is the one who needs to get really mean talking to him about it to make him see what he is doing.

I'm getting sleepy too. So I'm of to read more threads and get ready for bed.

GOD bless and keep each and all of you.
EvaMae

Thanks again for the thoughts and prayers. I feel better aboue everything after talking to my Dr. and councelor today. If i'm consistantly firm about my feelings concerning certain things. It will work out. I apoligise for burdening you guys and i'll be fine. Really and truely.
I dug my hand thru the leaves in one flower bed this afternoon and i saw real green things growing. I'm afraid the housework has to be put off. Because the warm weather is going to turn cold again and i want to check my plants out.
Vickie

Good morning, everybody,

Went to town yesterday and dropped my van off for repair. When I do this I usally walk t o my friend Saul's store and wait for someone who's headed towards my house. But I was in so much pain I just asked Saul if he could give me a ride home. He immediately borrowed his son's car and left to help me. I was in so much overall pain that I went right to bed and slept all afternoon. I had taken a painkiller but could not tell that it helped at all. Luckily, I don't have days like that very often. So much pain I could hardly see and I couldn't shop for groceries - nothing to do but lie down and not move.

Tony is here this morning and I told him what had happened. I also remembered that this used to happen more often and there were often days at a time when I was barely able to get out of bed.

Vickie, I've no doubt you are capable of being "consistently firm" with your DD and her SO - HOWEVER, you are having your own problems and she is not two. If you are handling this using your own strength (with help of counselors, etc) you are still, to a large extent, living defensively. using a lot of your energy and resources to protect yourself. This is very stressful. And stress will wear on you and shorten your life. Literally. And it diminishes the pleasue in any life you have. Can you even imangine how different your life would be if this problem was not always in your face? I do not mind your letting off steam here. It helps me to remember how awful my life was when I repeatedly tried to get along with family members who were like your daughter - always "me, me, me."

My niece, the only family member I still have contact with, has given me a lot of credit for showing her that it was possible to escape. I told her once that the extent to which I tried to get along with other family members was the extent to which I had thrown my life away.

Do you imagine that if you are strong enough and consistent enough that your daughter will suddenly mature and start being considerate of you? I agree that being consistent with her now is important and I don't doubt you can do it. At some point you have to start thinking about yoursef in the long run. If you know she is never going to mature enough to be of help to you you need to find the resources that will be there for you when you are in nedd. And that's not a duaghter that tells you you are selfish not to give her your car because you can always call an ambulance. Dang, woman, wake up.

The biggest blessing in my life has been Tony. He is truly a Godsend for me. I cannot imangine my life without his help. And, even better, he feels the same way about me. My friends Saul, Dana and Sharon are similar. Any one of us will help the other immediately and without question. All anyone has to do is ask. We help each other cheerfully, secure in the knowledge that I will be there for them as they are there for me. We don't talk about it much but we all know it.

I pray that you will develop the same kind of support systemfor yourself. Find some people you can laugh with, over silly things. AS Saul left to take me home, he told his son and his other worker that we were running away together. but we'd be back to visit someday. I added, "Maybe next Christmas." We all laughed as the affection Saul and I have for each other is well-known and it's not any threat to his wife and family. Good for laughs for all of us.

Life is good. May your be the same.

All of you.

hugs, katie

Katie, do you have a good enough water supply to be able to take hot showers or tub soaks? I prefer hot showers. Even a short one will relax my tense muscles and let me get the relief I need.

Vickie, I echo every work Katie said. You have to think of yourself now. This is a stong willed DD and she has gotten away with abusing you so she is sure if she is just stong willed long enough she will wear you down again. I have no doubt this has played out over and over in your lives. You MUST end her hold over you permenantly. Quickly.

Scraps, how is your DD today? This gestational diabetes may turn into permenant insulin dependence so she needs to learn to make a lifetime change in her way of seeing how food affects her. I hope she gets really tough with her husband about the teasing. I'm very concerned about the whole family.

Must go be productive today. BBL GOD bless and keep each of you.
EvaMae

Katie, you wicked woman! running away with a married man.LOL

i'm back on the right track.For now am letting things ride.My arm will heal, my car will remain my car. i can say no. Found out i have a neighbor that will back me up should the need arise and probably can depend on another neighbor.It's amazing the people you find to be your friends sometimes.
Think i'll take up Eva Mae,s mantra. I'll go and be productive tomorrow.
Vickie

Hello everyone, I have had a virus or something the last few days and have not had more than a few crackers to eat until today mid day when I managed a few scrambled eggs. Wow,when you are starving plain ole' eggs are good. I thought I would die while throwing up yesterday. It made me wonder how the silly skinny girls can make themselves do that. I hurt all over from laying in bed most of the day. When not in bed I was in recliner and the most I did all day was walk from one to the other. I am weak but I survived. I wondered if this was the way it would end.LOL. My Youngest brought it home from work or college over the weekend and was the first to get sick. Then she went back monday night and the hubs and I were both sick yesterday. My oldest DD had a Dr.s' visit today and they upped her insulin. She is lucky that she is doing so well with it. I thought it would be worse. It seems like my mom had a bad start when she first went on insulin. Otherwise, the baby is fine. We are going to have to start looking for maternity clothes soon. She jokes that I am her personal shopper because she does not like to shop for clothes much. I am not able to do the walking like I once could because of my back. If my back was a limb that could be amputated I think I would but I would look kind of funny with my legs hooked to my shoulders.LOL.

Leaf, my SIL just has not grown up and thinks he is being funny. But he is being a jerk. I have been wanting an excuse to add him to my compost bin. I think this qualifies. She is a better woman than I because I would have took him out right then and there. That is the thing about love, it has kept many a spouse alive past their time. I jest of course, I really would not do it but the thought has sure been on my mind.LOL.

Katy, aren't friends great. They love you simply because they like you not because you are family and they have to. Any good deed is from the heart and not because they felt they had to do it. I tend to become a hermit and not do enough for my best friend but when she needs me I always show up. She does the same in return. She does not get out much either so it works out fine.
I am weak and headed to the recliner. I envy those of you who have laptops. I must try to save for one when I ever see money again. Love and Prayers, scraps

LOL scraps You think your SIL might make that compost WAY too acidic?
And of course an octopus does'nt have a backbone. Think how handy 8 hands would be.
Katie, On the serious side you have a priceless treasure in your friend.Both of you do.
Vickie

Hello everyone, It takes a virus to really make you appreciate things like crackers.Lol. I am better but my appetite is not back yet. I think I am afaraid of anything too strong making me sick again. I could do a commercial for club crackers. They have been a laifesaver. I never buy name brands but I was in a hurry the other day and grabbed some on the way to see mom in the nursing home. I thought she might enjoy some so I grabbed them off the end of a row near the register. Man were they good when nothing else looked good to me. I love food and yet none looks good now.
We had a horrible storm last night. Just hard hard rain like I have never heard before. There was not a tornado near us but a couple counties over there was one near where my DD teaches. No injuries but alot of farm buildings and a business destroyed. Today we had a beautiful sunny day but it was too muddy to get off the back porch. However, I enjoyed sitting in the sunshine and recouping my energy. I felt like a battery getting recharged. Meanwhile the mind was looking around seeing work that needs to be done when spring and summer arrive or another good day like today anyway. I can't decide where to start. It is like a blank canvas that needs filling with color. Only it takes money and back breaking work to fill it in. Oh well in time I will get it done.I disinfected the house after I sat in the sun awhile so the energy is now gone.Well, I think I will read some forums awhile. love and Prayers, steph

Scraps, I'm so sorry to hear you have been so sick. I love Club and Ritz type crackers. I've never been a big fan of saltines. I also love Cinnamon Graham crackers and Ginger Snaps.

Don't overdo and get worn out all over again.

I'm ready to turn in for the night. GOD bless and keep each of you.

Thanks leaf, Has anybody heard from CarrieLamont ? I do not think I recall hearing from her lately.
Carrie, I hope you are well. Miss you. Just busy perhaps. Probably keeping warm? Just thought of you and wanted to hear from you. You usually pop in occasionally.
Also BirdieBlue, I miss you too. Are you guys snowed in?

Vickie, How are you? I forgot to take meds tonight until 10:30 so I am wide awake tonight. Guess I will surf the ole' web do some window shopping for things I can't afford. Love and Prayers, scraps

Ithink Carrie posted on another thread. I have'nt seen Sheri posting on pets forum either.
Glad you're back. I love soda crackers and milk. When i have an upset stomach, my first meals are crackers and milk before i go to anything else. graham crackers and ginger cookies are favorites too along with vanilla wafers.
How about your favorite fruit. Mine would have to be bananas tho i actually love all fruits.
I love to sit in sunshine. It feels healing. I better amend that statement. When the air temp hits more than 70 that sun gets hot.
I've felt better today. My old Dish network box bit the dust and they brought me a new one today.
I need to go to town but don't have the energy.
Good Night all
Vickie

Vickie, I agree about the sunshine, it feels like it has a healing energy but only when it is not too hot. Then it drains me. bananas are one of my favorites too. Especially banana pudding.LOL. I also like strawberries and kiwi alot but all fruits really. Wish I had a bunch of fruit right now. We need to make a walmart run but do not have the energy yet. But DD# 2 comes home from college today and has to work at the ymca this evening and can run by and pick up a few things maybe. She does not like to have to go on friday night because walmart is packed then. It is a busy time for them and she is like me and hates a crowd. I do not feel very good today just feel lethargic( yuck) I went out back and sat in the sunshine awhile and watched the squirrels play. It is a good thing I made myself clean yesterday because I do not feel like it now. I think I will go look at a flower and seed catalog and dream of my new yarden.And hope I come into big money soon to pay for those dreams.LOL I need to look on the brightside and cheer myself up. Think I will dream about a nice looking garden boy to help plant all those flowers that I will be planting while I am dreaming. hehehehehehe scraps

I think Carrie has finally thawed out and re'joined us. Saw a post from her on ".....Laughing with Joy". Think Birdie is having technical difficulties again.

Sometimes, men are jerks without really meaning to be. Our humor can have a sharp edge to it which makes us come off sounding like insensitive jerks. Having the error of our ways pointed out is sometimes helpful. That is probably the situation with your SIL. Hope you feel better soon. BTW, men make lousy compost. LOL. (Jim)

LOL Jim, i've read one never puts meat in a compost pile.

if you douse it with EM, even the fat-headed meat will decompose. (please don't ask how I know.)

katie

What is EM? Yes meat will decompose completely in a compost pile. You may have ants or maggots all over it to help the process, but it does become something that plants can use. A form of nitrogen I think. I know tankage and blood meal are forms of nitrogen.

I'll be thankful for the 50+ temps tomorrow even if we do have really strong winds.

I have lots of unnamed and a very few named daylilies I can divide and trade or just donate to some of you who want or need new plants for your gardens. Jim, that lily may have little black berry like things between the leaves. Those are seeds and can be planted to aquire more lilies. I know Tiger Lilies have those but I don't remember right at the moment if my Oriental and Asiatic lilies do.

It's been a long day and I need to get to bed. GOD bless and keep each of you.
EvaMae

When my SIL's behavior isn't up to standard, I just start calling him by his pet name. Sharkbait. But, I don't guess that would work in N. Mississippi. Do they have alligators up there? If so, you could christen him "Gatorbait". I find it is most effective if I just throw it out there casually and smile sweetly when I address him.

I always used lime myself, Katie. But, I believe you have the wisdom of more years than I. I'll try your method next time.

Sweet dreams, Everyone. :-)Kay*

Yes, Inquiring minds want to know what EM is.If my SIL disappears, Don't anyone look in my compost pile. LOL

They have alligators in south ARK.
and ETX I've heard people called alligator bait.probably me.LOL Kay has anyone ever told you that you are a trip!!!!

Eva if you have temps in the 50,s I probably will too. If i can't do anything else i'm going to sit outside. Am not up to going to FT. Smith. tomorrow.Plus i can't sleep. Kay, You're up late too.

Don't think my asiatics or oriental lillys have the little seeds like my tiger lilys do. Hopefully i'll have DL to share. Don't know if everyhing made that cold spell we had.

I have some flower seeds somewhere and i can't find them. Oh well, They'll turn up.

BTW Jim quit beating yourself up. You are a very nice person and my friend. I don't like people talking about my friends.

Katie, I keep thinking about your warm weather. Are you able to do any planting this time of year? I have a friend near Corpus that has planted a few things.
Vickie

HI everybody,

EM stands for effective microorganisms. Used to make bokashi. There are several threads about it in the Soil and Composting Forum. Fascinating stuff. the name EM is trademardked; their website is www.emamerica.com.

It is spring here. My neighbor Dana complained to me yesterday that even with all the windows open it was tooo hot for her to sleep!! Then we had a little rain and she felt like she was home in Washington State (where she raised buffalo for twenty-five years).

I'm trying to teach my young dog Jenny not to eat bones in my bed. One must try to maintain some standards.

We are going to get my new refrigerator today. Work on the house progresses well. I'm able to start putting things in their permanent homes.

The trees are starting their new growth. Watching that never gets old. Some flowers are blooming. Anything that needs to be moved has to be done soon before it heats up.

If you go to YouTube and watch a video called "Greening the Desert" it tells of a process through which the natural microorganisms were "awakened" and what happened. It's one of my favorites.

Fiber Arts is having a sale and I got a bunch of downloadable programs on mixed media and other textile work. For all my spare time. ha. I am actually enjoying much of the process of going through boxes of stuff, sorting, discarding, putting away. Especially when I can do it sitting down. My legs can't take a lot of time on my feet.

Off to get my almost new frig. The man who sold it to me had a yard sale this and said he could have sold it at least half a dozen times. I owe Dana for introducing me to him.

Have a great day everyone. Spring really is on its way to all of you.

hugs, katie

Having been outside to fill the bird feeders I don't really feel it is going to get to anywhere near upper 50s today. There is a moderate wind blowing which is making the wind chill much lower than the lower 40s it is suppose to be right now.

Porcy is loose in the kitchen and seems to be happy cleaning up the floor of any and all tiny pieces of whatever he can find. The cats and dogs show no interest in him which is what I expected. One of the cats rushed up to inspect his feed dish when I first took him in and the dish into the kitchen and set them down. She got a good hard peck on the head!! I think she won't do that again. lol I shredded some carrot for him. He seemed quite interested. I hope he makes a good pet chicken to follow me around the yarden areas while I work. I've had them before. One year I had about 25 baby chicks that I kept with me while they were tiny. When I would got to the flower and veggie beds they would crowd around me and gobble up every poor worm I happened to uncover. Try to garden with 25 half grown chickens right around you. They weren't banties either. LOL If I pushed them back they knew for sure I was going to uncover a worm and were even more determined to be right where my hands were..

The house is cold again for some reason. I wish I had a ceiling fan in the living room. The ceiling is where all the heat is you know. Maybe I can get Kyle to install the one I have some night this week. Perhaps if I point out how much it would save on the heating bill he will be more willing. Poor man, he really doesn't like maintenance work. I wanted the man who did the wiring to do it but he said he had never installed a ceiling fan before so I let that go. I just now put a 12" fan on the mantle and have it ocsillating. Boy is it ever moving the heat up there around!!Not that it will do as much as a ceiling fan but it is better than nothing. I'm cleaning the fan that I keep by the LP free standing stove. It can sure pick up a lot of hair and dust in a short time. I use to be able to get them with taller pipes but now they barely are above the top of the stove. And the taller pipes no longer fit the fittings of the newer fans.

I think I'll take the Christmas tree down today. Not that much of a job really. Put the plastic bag over it and move it into the other room. I'll have to put the pine cones in a bag with with the tree or with the other Christmas stuff.

GOD bless and keep each of you.
EvaMae