Worlds funniest (or stupidest) cactus moments.

While this site is kind of slow, I thought maybe we could share some of our cactus bloopers. When I first got into cacti, I bought this red bunny ear cactus (Opuntia). Before going into the mall, I got it out of the bag to look at it. I put it back into the bag and while walking in the mall my lip and side of my mouth started to burn. I went into the restroom and looked in the mirror. I had a red mustache. Apparently I had touched the cactus and then rubbed my mouth. I was in the restroom for 20 to 30 minutes pulling them out of my face.
Oh, and there was that time when my golden barrel (4" pot) fell of the shelf and I tried to grab it before it hit the floor. Ouch!!! Not a good idea, LOL
Anyone else want to share, please do. (I don't want to be the only one)

: Gary

But Gary dear, you are the only one. lol
I've done the same thing, grabbed a cactus barehanded before it registered that this was not a good idea. I thought, "oh I can pick it up if I'm careful". Ha!

G'Day
I've done the catching thing and I don't know which is worse catching the big spined cactus or one of the few spined opuntias and trying to get the Glotchids out of your hide. I think the Glotchids would win the contest.
I have a little story worth telling kind of sad but funny at the same time.
When I was a kid our house had a fairly large Opuntia not very far from the back door. Just after the end of WWII a very much liked "Uncle" who was also my fathers best mate had been discharged from the army and one of his first stops after seeing his immediate family was to visit us. Of course each of his family had to have a beer with him and by the time he arrived at our house, on his Motor Bike he was a bit unsteady and ran straight into the Opuntia. This was getting a bit late in the evening and the resulting commotion caused by the joyous home coming and the painful yells of the badly spiked "Uncle" woke us kids and the noise continued for a long time as my father removed the spines with a pair of pliers. I remember the event well although it took place 63 or more years ago but I can't remember if the Motor Bike tyres were punctured.
Regards




This message was edited Jan 1, 2009 2:15 AM

Hello everyone. I haven't been collecting cacti for very long, but this is one lesson I will never forget. I went, armed with tongs and plastic bag, to get some pieces off this cactus. Very carefully I pulled the first piece off with the tongs and put it in the bag. I pulled the next piece off and put it in the bag. They had clung to the sides of the bag near the top, so with one hand I tried to shake them down in. They wouldn't move so I grabbed it with two hands. Well ofcourse the bag swung lopsidedly and the cactus got hold of my right fingers. Boy oh boy. I reached across with my left hand to try to pull the spines out and they latched onto my left fingers. Have you ever felt like Brer Rabbit? There I was with both hand caught numerous times. I had to get them out, no-one with me, so here I was pulling one spine out and two more going in. By the time I eventually got them all out I was bleeding perfusely from all fingers. I even had a couple that had actually gone into the joints of my little finger. did they take some getting out. Needless to say the cactus is still in a cardboard box shut up in the shed. I'm not game enough to pot it up. When and if I do I think it should be put in a cage so that no other unsuspecting person or animal can get to feel like poor Brer Rabbit. By the way does anyone know what it is called. I think it was an Opuntia but it may have a new name. Please don't laugh too much, although I can see the funny side now. I must have looked hilarious. Colleen

When I was little my grandmother owned a piece of what is now known as South Mountain Park in AZ. We used to go up to her property in the spring and hike around and look at wildflowers. I think I was @ 4 yrs old then and for some reason (no clue why) I took off my shoes and threw them down a gully. It was too steep to get them back so my mother had to carry me so I wouldn't step on the cactus etc. My mom was almost back to the truck with me in her arms and lost her balance and sat on a barrel cactus. Boy was I in trouble after that. All I remember is getting yelled at while my grandmother tried to pull out cactus thorns from my mom's posterior!

I can relate to the pain. When I worked at NYBG, a coworker was moving a big pot of Opuntia microdasys rufida (red bunny ears), and while we were talking he walked by a greenhouse fan. He spent lunch removing red barbs from his tongue. I was seriously impaled twice, once by a saguaro we were moving (required a trip to the emergency room) and once by an Opuntia species from one of the Caribbean islands. Silly me thought that it would be nice to get the NYBG a collection of Opuntia species from Fairchild BG b/c they were unusual in that they were native to Florida and the Carribean area, some of them quite localized in habitat. Turns out they also tend to be the most viciously long spined species, except perhaps for O. bigelovii, the "teddy bear" cholla from AZ (somewhere I have a slide of a bird's skeleton on one I saw near Phoenix). Anyway, as I foolishly reached behind a small pot of one of these monsters to get a weed, I was impaled on the back of the hand. It wouldn't let go, it just bent when I tried to move my hand away. I called for help, and a coworker got a bamboo stake to slide between the cactus and my hand, and broke it off my hand. I still had to remove some nice 2 inch long barbs. The plant recieved a severe "pruning" shortly afterwards.

Those chollas are death traps for birds. House Sparrows - at least in my neighborhood - in particular aren't really careful about where they fly. We have a 6 ft Cholla in our cactus garden, and at least once a month - even more in spring with young fledglings about - we get kamikazee sparrows impaled on the cactus. Once, I counted 5 in various stages of decomposition at the same time...we now call the cactus our Avian Graveyard.

Cheers,
Tristan

Can aome one tell me why a puppy that has never seen a cactus knows to stay away from them after one sniff of the pot. Then tell me why an adult comes over says will that stick me? Then proceed to impail their finger by jabbing at the spine before you can say "Well duh."

One more, never be cleaning the leaves and weeds out of the prickly pear patch (Say that three times fast.) when the cute neighbor pops his head over the fence and says Hi.

G'Day
The puppy people problem must be the same as the wet paint don't touch thing. I've lost count of the times I've said "mind out those spines are sharp" and the answer is "Ow so they are".
Regards

LOL

hayu--lol! I am not lucky enough to have a good looking neighbor. : ( Interesting about the chollas and birds. We have cactus wrens nesting in our chollas out back. So many not death for all birds, but what amazes me is how they tiny featherless birds will fare in all the thorns.

I have lived around cactus all my life and so far-never had any big accidents. Sure I have been repotting or reached a hand over and gotten a few prickles. But nothing major. Dad taught me to ride my bike on the ruts in the road with cactus growing alongside. He said "don't fall into the cactus" and I didn't! LOL! Good motivation I guess! angel-tree-baby, bet your Mom held that one over you forever? LOL!

I also had a nasty encounter with those evil bunny ears when the plant I was repotting fell against my chest. I was so PO'd, I heaved the thing into the Manzanita and never have had one again.
The most peculiar accident I've had in a long history of extreme gardening, was this fall when I was weeding around a large Agave which punctured the vein in my wrist. I didn't notice it for a few minutes but when I looked at my wrist there was blood running down my hand and a big lump had formed under the skin. I really just about passed out because I can't stand needles, blood, lumps under the skin etc. My husband had to lay me down on the couch and I felt like an idiot.

Ah yes, agave spines, nasty things. At the NYBG I soon figured out the best thing to do was to trim off the point of the terminal leaf spine of the more mean sorts of agaves, I was stabbed a few times and they really hurt. Though there is no evidence for it that I am aware of, I have always suspected they had some kind of venom on them, because they always hurt a lot more than a similarily sized needle would. On of my fears was to be working around the pots and end up getting my eye poked by one of them, but fortunately that never happened. There was no solution for the lateral leaf spines, except avoidance--if they got you they often were pointed backwards so they ripped in deeper if you tried to pull away from the plant. Since I left NYBG, I have very few agaves of my own that I have to deal with, and they have the terminal spines trimmed, or they are harmless (like A. nizadensis) sorts.

Well, congminglaoshi, if anyone will poke their eye it will be me. So far, thank goodness, I have not. I have had a lens replacement in one eye and the cataract in the other eye is not so bad that it needs replaced, so until it does I wear a single contact in the right eye. If I'm not working I don't wear it so my depth perception is not real good. Quite a number of time I have bent over to look at something close only to suddenly realize it was a lot closer than necessary. Bout the only thing good about that is I'm a lot more careful the next time.

Sharon

After the wrist poke episode, I also have been trimming off the stabbers. I wear glasses so I'm not too worried about my eyes. All my Agaves are out side, away from traffic. carri

I brushed against an agave while out hiking years ago and got a cut on my leg. Not bad, but since then I give the ones in my yard a "manicure" but trimming the ends similar to trimming the cats claws. At least they aren't sharp that way!

This is a great thread. The dumbest thing I have ever done is while I was out on hike in Sedona. I saw this really cool cactus that was sort of climbing through a tree and on that cactus were these little red fruits that I was sure had seeds. I did not want my brothers to see me picking up more seeds ( especially since I was in a state park and not sure if it was ok to take any seeds) so I grabbed a fruit and stuck it in my pocket. Now why I would think thre would not be anything sharp or prickly attached to that fruit I have no idea but let me tell you I had the smallest little spines all up and down my leg and thigh . Where ever pocket moved I had them. It was a very painful lesson that will never be repeated!!

marie That sounds like something I would do. It seemed like a good idea at the time, right? carri

Yeah it sure did. I only ever told my favorite brother who still gives me heck about it :o)

I have a question for Stake or any Australian who reads this. While visiting in Queensland we encountered a vine with foliage a little like a palm. It also had very long sharp spines/claws. Long trailers would hang down from the trees on which it was wrapping itsef around.

I can't remember the name, but it had something to do with not letting you go once it caught you. Can anyone give me the name and a better description than my memory has conjured up.

This came to mind while reading about all the unfunny encounters with spines. Being unable to free oneself would definatly be a blooper.

It's called Wait awhile vine, but I wouldn't have a clue as to the Botanical name.

That would be Calamus australis.
http://davesgarden.com/guides/pf/go/60750/

Speaking of wait awhile, It reminds me of a time someone was going to give me some sort of hedgehog cacti. The deal was that I would have to get them myself. I went armed with heavy gloves and pruners. I put on my gloves and stuck one hand way down in the middle of the plants. My hand got stuck. I tried to pull my hand out of the glove and the spines would dig into my hand. I looked around to see if anyone could help me, but no one was around. Somehow I managed to get my other hand in far enough to keep it from getting hung and pulled them aside enough to get my hand out of the glove. I decided then that I really didn't need them after all.
I was just glad that I didn't stick both hands in at once.
Thanks everyone for your comments and stories.
Gary

The red bunny ears (Opuntia) has become the definition of cactus to each of my four granddaughters, now in their early twenties. They each at sometime as a toddler put their hand on top of it looking over it out the window, and have decided that they never want to own a cactus, especially like the one granny had on her windowsill. I think I've grown four cactus haters since they each remember crying while grandma tried to brush, pick and wash all the little stickers out of their palm. jam

Are there any more stories please?

Okay, I will tell my painfully silly story.

Long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away....may be not so far away, St. Marks Lighthouse State Park in the panhandle of Florida, had large and small clumps of Prickly Pear growing wild along the dunes. I was in my early teens (should I been old enough to know better by then?) but had already discovered my love of all sorts of things garden and I decided I should gather a small sample of the cactus to add to my growing collection of plants I was amassing in my bedroom.

I decided on a ready specimen and carefully up-rooted my victim, noticed the large, giant spikes of doom and proceeded to gently remove each large spike while doing the least amount of damage to the flesh. Shortly I had a fairly smooth green club with a small bit of root attached that I proceeded to slip into the back pocket of my jeans. One step, two steps, eeeoooowwwhhh! Yes, I had indeed failed to notice that around each of the giant spikes of doom I was so worried about was a small cluster of tiny spikelets of doom now lodged in great numbers in the fabric of my pants and working their way into my backside. The day went down-hill from there...

Now I get my prickly pear at the grocery, already killed and dressed.

ROFL, "already killed and dressed", that's great! My very first exposure to cacti was on a family trip to Disneyland when I was ten years old. I was fascinated by all the wonderful desert plants we drove past. Dad stopped to take pictures, and I got out to get a close look at a prickly pear. I saw those delightful fuzzy yellow spots, and wrapped my hand around a pad to feel their, um, softness....good thing it was a long drive to Disneyland, LOL. We had to stop and buy tweezers and I kept busy with them the rest of the drive.

I must be a glutton for punishment, because that began my love for cacti and all succulents. As a teen, I had 109 of them at one time!

KyWoods, I tried that ONCE with a cuddly looking Teddy Bear Cholla.

My sister bought me a cactus a couple years ago. She thought it was unusual because it had a green bloom on it. she was really surprised to find out that it was a straw flower. I noticed in HD that they have a sign on their cactus that says "with straw flowers". At least they are starting to warn people, but who reads signs????
Gary

Oh, they have confessed that they're not real? LOL, I'll have to look for that sign next time I see one.

Several years ago, I was doing vegetation surveys in the Sonoran desert of southern Arizona---these are 100 meter transects. We'd been working all day and were hot and tired and then we arrived at the last randomly chosen transect of the day---and the final 30 meters were straight through a patch of "Teddy Bear Cholla", the meanest, most miserable cactus on the planet. I was doing great until the last 5 meters when I backed into a plant---I had 30 or 40 cholla joints hanging from my backside. Most were in my clothes but a few got through to my skin---man O' man that was soooo miserable. I shredded my shirt extracting them. I much prefer to admire Opuntia bigelovii from a safe distance---and I have to admit that a field of the devils is a beautiful sight.

Interseting stories.

Here is mine.

When i was starts to collect cacti and succulents,i was search these plants every nursery.One day i was visiting a nursery i saw a cactus which names is Opuntia microdasys
I like it very much,but i cannot buy it because it was costly,and my pocket money is not enough to buy it,so next day i stole a pad and insert it into my pant side pocket,i doesn't know that pad have several little spines.then you know very well what was happened with me.

yasir

yasir, I suspect that there is a moral hidden somewhere in that story. Microdasy glochids can be annoying. Don

LOL, that is funny, thanks for 'confessing' that one, Yasir!

That cannot stole any thing.ok
Yasir

I still hope you got your cutting to grow! Hey, we're all human, right?

In front of a whole group of catus lovers I called a Euphorbia a cactus, it had spines. They all laugh and was embarrassed. That was in l991 I am not a member of that group.

How rude of them! You were too good for that group, so I'm glad you didn't go back! They can take their spines and stick 'em..... :)

I wholeheartedly agree with KyWoods. Don

G'Day
I think you will find that in most cases the group is not laughing at the individual but at their memories of making the same or similar mistakes. Or in a few cases their own internal embarassment because they thought the same as the speaker and think "That could have been me".
Brian

This message was edited Mar 13, 2009 8:27 PM