My garden's a tight space...

Don't you look back and wonder at what you didn't understand before you were in this situation? I do. I don't know how we can teach compassion to those who haven't suffered to some extent. I think that our culture doesn't do a good job of teaching it - we are much better at teaching judgement - something I still am working on. It happens before I know it.

And I'm glad that I don't have to suffer their personal world either. Seeing what understanding and patience and caring can do for your own world makes you wish that others could have it.

You know the other thing, doss, is that people react differently to the hard things in their lives. Some of us change in a good way and some of us just get angry. Maybe she is trying to find her way through one of those. And then again maybe she's just a witch all the time. I'll never know.

You are right gardengram. We all have that choice. It's only once you've done the work to discover the freedom of a good spirit that you realize how hard the other path is.

Her path must be full of boulders!!!

Yep, A path filled with ladies pushing chairs and mistaking garbage laden shopping carts for unused ones. Must be one hard road to travel. LOL Let's hope that it's her very worst problem.

Wouldn't you hate to have her for a co-worker? Or your mother?

You are giving me shivers!!!

Hey peaceful, kind, patient ladies,

I didn't mean anything... I was kind of joking too. I'm not the 'she' you're talking about up there, am I? Oh, the lady in the HD with the shopping cart? Doss, please don't worry, I am not offended or anything. I was sort of joking too! (Boy, that's the last time I turn off the computer at 9 pm....)

xxxxx, Carrie

Don't stay up for me! I'm so glad that you're not offended. Now I can see that you were joking. How dense am I???????

I'm REALLY laughing out loud right now.

I needed it. DH left my frozen daylily pollen out and then said that there was a problem and I had put it in the wrong place in the freezer so he forgot to put it back in!!! I was so upset because he could have put it in a better place in the freezer. I know that he didn't mean it that way - he's totally kind. But I'm pushing myself doing the hybridizing even though I love it and I'm ticked off that I'm feeling right on the edge about it.

I'm embarrassed to admit I went right to feeling like giving up. I hate it when that happens and it doesn't very often. THANK GOODNESS!!

Thanks for letting me vent now.

Doss

doss,

You may vent any time you like! It's your thread, after all, although several others of us appear to have taken it over, much as a mint takes over a garden.

Do they have all these darn mosquitos where you are, doss, I can't remember, or I guess I've never been there in this season. DH and I just spent a lovely hour or so outside - I lie on a lawn chair, he puts in plants - until we figured we'd each donated a pint of blood! After all the rain we've had this spring, the regional mosquito population is even more huge than usual. (See previous references to ark building.)


xxxxxxxxxx,
Carrie

Our mosquitos only come out at night and then we retreat. I've tried different solutions and none of them work very well. We're pretty much free during the day. We used to have problems with wasps when we had food in the garden but we have used wasp traps religiously for years now and we seem to have them under control. They used to be awful. But really next to the East Coast we are bug free. It's dry here so there's very little opportunity for puddles to be sitting around. We lived at a house in NY one time with a pond at the end of the road and you couldn't really go outside in the summer. Yikes - that was one bad summer.

It's pretty hot here. I went outside to do some things and my dog sat under the table in the gazebo and watched me and wouldn't come out until she was sure I was going back into the house. She's a sissy. But a durn cute sissy.

I love it when threads take on a life of their own and when such lovely people get together and it goes where it may.

We'll go outside a little later when the sun's down a little further. Maybe 6:00. It's not usually this hot here but we are having a little heat wave and I can't take the heat. It gives me migraines. But then most everything does! LOL

Glad that you had an opportunity to enjoy the garden. What was DH planting?

He was planting fill-in forget-me-nots. In the fall, last year, he planted a border of balloon flowers all along the path he built me. (They were half price or 75% off at HD.) But then I did a tiny amount of research and discovered that bfs don't bloom until summer. So we planted f-m-ns alternating with the bfs. This spring was beautiful, except for a few spots where the f-m-ns didn't make it through the winter. (It must have been at least October, maybe November, when we planted them!) So about a month or so ago, before the plans for an ark had gotten underway, I obtained replacement f-m-ns to fill in the gaps, and set them out along the path where I thought they ought to go. And then it started to rain. And then it rained some more. And then it rained a lot more. I was on the NE gardening forum today and someone said it had rained as much in 5 weeks as it usually does in 5 months!

xxxxx, Carrie

OH no! We had a lot of rain this winter so I know how frustrating that can be. Will the forget-me-nots still bloom if they were put in today? It sounds lovely.

I've never planted either one of them. They don't like my zone. But I've always thought they they'd be fun. Those things that I can't grow appear to be so lovely. It's funny as there is so much I can grow.

How nice that DH built such a lovely path for you and is keeping it planted. What a lovely gift.

Oh that's right, it's dry on your coast!!! I went to school in S. Calif. for two years, mostly because it was as far away from my parents as I could get. Here's a pic. of the forget-me-nots and daffodils in early spring. They were past their prime, but that was the day I got my camera!

Whoops, wrong picture, try again. I can't tell from the preview.

Well, ladies, I went away for one day and I've missed all kinds of things. Did we say something that offended you, Carrie? I pray not. This thread has gone on so long that I don't remember the original title, and it looks like everyone else has left the thread anyway.

I love your picture, Carrie. What a pretty line-up for spring.

I sat on my behind in the dirt and really got some weeding done yesterday. Felt so good. I filled up several 5-gallon buckets. I told you I had weeds. And that was only one section!! You would not believe the before and after pictures.

I found some new Echinacea at Home Depot that are called Sunrise (a very pale yellow) and Harvest Moon (a deeper gold color). I put them in next to my White Swan Echinacea and want to find some of the regular purple ones now to fill out that color group. I can plant simple things next to the pathways.

Off to bed. Sleep well, kind, gentle ladies.

Yes, that's the right one. You can see the path of devotion and love on the right, and bordering on the left are the forget-me-nots and some tiny daffodils. Imagine everything twice as vividly colored, and you'll have an approximation. I learned that midday sun washes out much of the color in these pictures, at least compared to what I see when I look. But then when I look, I see the back-ache my DH got from stooping to plant all those flowers, and the scraped knees from building the path, and his fierce refusal, in the face of his own injury, to let anyone help him finish what had become, for him, a symbol for the odds we've overcome in finding each other and for the love and devotion we feel for each other. I feel like such a middle-aged fool to sound so sappy, but honestly, it's all true.

And no, I don't expect the forget-me-nots we put in today to flower this year, but that's the beauty of perennials: every time you plant one, you're saying "I believe."

xxxxx, Carrie

Carrie,
What a beautiful way to speak of your husband and all that you have done together. That kind of devotion is so rare and I'm thankful for you to have that. Thank you for sharing that.

Diane

That path is so lovely - I love yellow and blue together.
gardengram- no one was offended. I made a joke and Carrie made a joke and I totally misunderstood and thought that I'd offended her. But I'm blessed that she was kind and wasn't.

It is lovely that your husband was so kind to make the path. That's a lot of work. And yes, perennials are so wonderful. They get so much better as time goes on.

I love echinacea. They have become so lovely. We don't really have a lot of perennials here in the nurseries so anything I get like that that's special I have to mail order. Somehow I missed echinacea in my plans this time around. I don't have too much sun.

I just put in 5 heuchera this week - they are the worse for the heat but I know that they'll make it. They may very well not bloom this year either. Again mail order so not big plants. That makes them easier to plant anyway. I very often poop out before I get the mulch on though and that's not such a good thing.

Sweet dreams all - hopefully see you in the morning!

Doss

Believe me Diane, we each went through our own versions of he*l for a long time separately. I'd been married twice before, for bad reasons each time. He'd been married to someone we call the wicked witch of the west.

It was so funny; for his birthday last fall his daughter got him all gardening accessories for "his" new hobby of gardening! He just gardens because I love it!

What if you kept your new plants in a cool spot or in water and only put them into the ground two or three at a time and mulched them as you go? Then later in the day or the next day you could do a few more. Would that help at all?

Diane

Well, sounds like she was trying.

I had a couple of versions of my own personal torment and now the consequences are my life. God forgives us, but He doesn't always take away the consequences.

'Nite.

Thanks for the idea Diane. I always think that I can do it all. Seems like just 5 little plants. DH mulched them for me this morning. He doesn't like gardening at all but he's really supportive of my dreams and we get help in the garden.

That's deep about consequences. You've really suffered it seems. We do the best with what we come across and recover the best we can. That's all any of us can do. Learning and moving on with knowledge, grace and growth - well that's something we choose. Sounds as if you know how to do that pretty well. People who can do that are few and far between.

You are precious, doss. I have been through a lot and the hurt to my children is the hardest part of all. But God forgave me, and I can do no less to someone who has offended me. What goes around comes around and someday those that hurt us will pay their price, just as I will for those that I may have hurt. Sometimes I am sad, but at the same time I am very blessed. Someday we'll sit with a glass of cool tea and talk about it.

I am going through a sad time right now, because the pain in my back is wearing me down. Sometimes it hurts just to take a breath if I go outside and try to do something simple. I have a myelogram on Tuesday and I just pray for results that we can work with. I don't mind the surgeries, I really, really don't. I mind the pain that has taken away my life.

Tomorrow I have to get hold of my garden helper person and give him a list of things to work through as he has the time and energy. He's 16, so can't get a "real" job yet, but he's a hard worker and knocks himself out to make sure he gets it just right. His two older brothers both have summer jobs, and I'm sure he'd like to earn some money.

What a lovely thing to sit in the garden with a cool glass of tea and chat with you.

Just keeping your sanity when you are in that much pain is hard. It does take away your life. Simple things become impossible and I've found that pieces of me have disappeared.

For a long time I thought that I was short tempered and moody. Now that I'm not in pain for the first time in my life I realize that it wasn't 'me' talking, but my pain. I still have problems when I get tired which is pretty easy for me to do. The vertigo is impossible and I get frustrated as much as I try not to. I do pretty well.

I'm glad that you have a garden helper. I am so happy that I have someone to work in my garden. I've been training him for 3 years now though so he's very good with my very difficult garden. It's not a simple garden to keep and I love it so much. It's full of a thousand surprises.

Sometimes I just feel so whiny and wimpy. My doctor had a fit when I voiced that to her. She said that with what I have been through since August, she's amazed at what I can do and how well I have tried to keep my spirits up. She said that it really takes a year for your body to completely recover from a surgery and I had three big surgeries in seven months. That's easy to say, but I still am worn out now and just want to sit and cry. So many people are so much worse off than I am.

I need to get out of here and get out to where there are birds and bees and flowers. Talk to you later, dorothy.

Hey, can I come for the cool glass of tea, too? NOw... where to meet. My house is, following the renovation of the bathroom, quite WC accessible. My step-son live in Raleigh, I think, maybe we could meet at Diane's. Doss, I can send you a 'buddy pass' to fly on jetBlue for free. On the other hand.doss lives in a very pretty area which I would be delighted to revisit! Think it over, ladies.

Today I have a yucky dentist appointment. See, I am such a good sport about the MS, shouldn't I be exempt from painful and expensive dental work? Nobody said it would be fair, right?

xxx, Carrie

Carrie - good luck on your dental work. Yeah, at least we could be exempt from stuff like dental work.

How incredibly sweet of you to offer to send a 'buddy pass'. I'd take you up on it in a moment if I could travel - but I can't at all. 1/2 hour is about max and then I feel it for a couple of days. It's the vertigo problem. How do you manage free transportation? Good connections. :-)

You are certainly welcome here - and I don't even have steps up to my doors. We just ramped the pavers right up to the door!!! :-)

I hate the way our culture beats on people when they are real about their pain. Your doctor is right Gardengram. 7 surgeries in 1 year???? I'd like to see anyone do the Pollyanna thing with that. And it's not real anyway.

It's so important to be real, although it's not encouraged by our culture. It took 18 months of therapy for me to finally believe that I didn't have to try. I could be in the moment and be where I was. It's scary to feel like you aren't trying but being real is the best way to get through it. Just need good friends who understand.

So here's my virtual garden tour. Hope that you enjoy it.
http://davesgarden.com/journal/d/m/doss/

Doss,

Now I know why your address isn't in the exchange - you're afraid someone would sell it to "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous." Actually, I'm jealous and impressed and overwhelmed and speechless and I kneel in the long shadow of your excellence. Wow. Not too many flowers, though... I guess I stopped looking before the flower beds were shown. My compliments to the chef.

Today I'm having an MRI with contrast to see how my MS is doing. Hah! It's not "my" MS; I don't know whose it is but it's not mine. This is all a big mistake. I have to get there 1 hour early and have them page an IV nurse.because I have bad veins. Why am I, who have blood tests and IVs so often, cursed with bad veins?

xxxxxx, Carrie

That was very rude for someone to insist that you have their MS! And you shouldn't have bad veins. I'm sorry that you have to have MRI's too. I had one last month and I didn't like it at all - not one little bit. It's so important to remember that illness isn't us

Here's a photo with flowers. So many of them are just photos of single blooms.

Here are some lilies in the perennial garden.

Here's a bigger photo of the perennial garden.

I really hesitate to send the photos of my garden. I am very lucky to be able to get help. Everyone's gardens are so beautiful in their own ways.

I love seeing what people come up with. And I do love your path - something made with so much love.

but YOUR paths are so professional and perfect! Today I mysteriously managed to be completely wrong about the time of my MRI. It was at 1:20 not 2:30 which I had written down. So I was terribly late for my hour ahead of time, which I thought was1:30, but was actually 12:20. I got there at 2:10, nice and early for my 2:30 appointment [if you discount the fact I was supposed to be a full hour early]. Turn around, pay $6 for the privelege of entering the garage! Blah!

x, Carrie

Don't you hate that. I have to pay $6.00 for parking at the MRI too. Although I'm sure that you have to do it a lot more than I do - and I am totally impressed. Does it get any easier? I've had 5 but over a number of years and it's not getting any easier. Guess you have to do what you have to do.

My first one I fell asleep (I was quite mis-medicated back then). My second was of my salivary gland and that's it! This would have been my third, and I can only imagine how much it woukd have been if I had actually had the MRI today. The biggest problems (for me) are that it's so cold there and the contrast IV.

xxxxx, Carrie

Carrie--This is the voice of experience re: MRIs. I've had about a gazillion over the years and I have bad veins, too. You have the right to tell them to try the veins YOU know will work best and you NEVER have to be cold. They have heated blankets at their disposal and all you have to do is smile your sweet smile and ask for one or two. If you are uncomfortable, say so. Sometimes you just have to be uncomfortable, but sometimes they can move you just a twitch and it helps. I have a hard time lying on the table because it hurts my back a lot, but that's just the way it is. They do all they can to make me comfortable and not just because I worked there. It's their job. You are such a sweet person, I know you can use that charm on them.

I work (I should say worked, but it's hard to get used to that terminology) in that department for years and have been a patient for even longer. The Radiologists that I worked for like to tease me about having 25 MRIs in the last few months just so I can come back and see them. I have not had 25 MRIs, but they tell everybody that. I have loved working with them and they trusted me to do my job right. I watched their backs. There were a couple in the group that had done very well in their "I'M THE DOCTOR, SO I AM GOD" class in med school, but the rest are very patient oriented.

doss--Again, I'm renewing my plea to come live in your back yard. I'll just pretend to be a gnome. I'm sure you must need a fat little gnome someplace. I'll only sneak out for food at night and no one will know. Your yard shows such care and love and the combinations you put together are to die for. I am going to earmark your site somehow so that I can refer to it. Truly, truly lovely, all four seasons.

doss--I have had three surgeries in ten months: August 31st, October 31st, and March 20th. The last was an emergency that we had not planned to do. I was supposed to be resting up from the others. The myelogram I had this last Tuesday showed what the Radiologist is calling a "critical narrowing" of my spinal cord just above where we have done some work already and he found some pretty bad damage up higher.

My entire spine is in horrible condition from osteoarthritis and old damage. I used to run a commercial fishing boat, I worked with horses and trained big dogs, I've done my own tilling and digging for gardens wherever I've lived, I've carried big rocks, etc. My back never got a break, and when I was young and strong it didn't matter how hard I worked. It was what I had to do, except for the horses. I just loved them so threw them into the mix to have something fun to do with my daughters. I made all the clothes my family wore except jeans and underwear, including my husband's suits and my daughters' prom dresses and one of their wedding dresses.

Like I said, when I was young........my parents both died fairly early, my mother at 60 and my father at 65 and all of my grandparents except one grandmother had died at early ages, too. I did not expect to live to be 68, and I feel truly blessed, even though my back has really paid the price.

I know there will be one more surgery at least and it will be another "big" one that will take quite a long time. My neurosurgeon the other day said "This is not cancer, this is not tumors, this is not terminal. I may not be able to get rid of every single little bit of pain from your lower back, but I promise you that I will not leave you the way you are now." I trust her completely and have known of her credentials for a long time. I've never heard ANYone, civilian or medical, say a bad word about her. Her partner in the practice is as good as she is. They care about their patients. What more can you ask for?

Sorry, kind of got carried away there. I just care so much about you, doss, and you, Carrie. I wish I could snap my fingers and make you better, but I can and do pray for both of you. You have become such an inspiration to me. Your problems are SO much worse than mine, but you keep fighting and you keep your sense of humor and your perspective. You are generous and giving and you keep going--that is something I just have inhaled from the two of you the last few weeks. I have been so depressed that my family has been really worried about me, and then I found threads where the two of you are, and mostly just lurked along daily, but I absorbed your spirits, if you know what I mean. I can't thank you enough for what you have done for me and you didn't even know that you were getting me through each day.

Tonight is pizza night around here, and my son-in-law just brought me my share, so I'll talk to you later. Thank you again, ladies.

Diane

Carrie - I have always gotten blankets when I have MRI's and always a pillow under my knees. I don't know whether to hate the noises or appreciate them for keeping me entertained. Guess I might as well see them as entertaining. I do hope that the MRI goes well. When is it?

Well, how lovely to have pizza Diane! You have had quite a life. It makes things so much more real to hear your story. It is so rich and you've done so much and worked so hard. Your energy is inspiring. If everyone only did 1/10th of what you've done, the world would be a very different place indeed.

So you think that I need a gnome, do you? I don't have one you know. Just a couple of metal frogs. :-)

How sweet to say that we've lifted your spirits - you haven't just lurked and you are always so supportive. I've really appreciated it. I wouldn't say that your problem is less than mine. Just different. I'm so glad that there something that can be done for you although it does seem like a difficult path. And I'm glad that you have a terrific MD. Pain is not for sissies. My MD has made my life possible and I'm very grateful to him too. He's never given up on me and my pain and that's extremely unusual. They just run out of options, but he never has. He says, "You sit in the canoe, and I'll paddle."

Family problems are very complicated. I'm surprised that your depression is because the family is worried about you though. I think that constant pain and a slew of operations along with the need to restrict your life might be some other reasons. Family problems aren't usually the simple ones you see on TV - always something complicated. Perhaps your family is dealing with your illness by worrying and that's just what they need to do. You can't stop them worrying but you can appreciate how much they care. It means reframing every worry they have into a message of love. But you didn't have anything else to do tomorrow, did you? LOL Can you tell I've had a complicated time dealing with my family over my illness?

How lovely to have the two of you to talk to. What we are each dealing with is so different but we've been able to connect and support each other. It's a lovely thing. Thank you.

Dorothie

doss--I'm sorry that what I said about my family might have been confusing. They have been concerned because I have been so depressed. They could see me getting worse emotionally and as the pain increased and I took more and more medications, they worried more and more. I could not hold a conversation without crying or being confused about something. I was sleeping for hours and hours just to escape the pain after my allowed one hour in the garden. They were watching me carefully and had called my primary care doctor to relay their concerns. I was tired of crying all the time, too, so we changed my pain medications around and it has made a big difference. I am glad that they were there to watch over me. But, as you said, dealing with family on top of severe illness is just more than a person should have to do. I'm glad it wasn't that kind of problem.

All during this time I've been in/out of my own messes, I've had one son-in-law in the hospital three times with severe liver disease and pneumonia, a granddaughter in the hospital with what was finally diagnosed as viral meningitis and she is taking a very long time to feel better, a daughter in the hospital with a heart rate twice as fast as what is normal for her, and so sick that I've never seen her that sick ever and she is 45. They have never come back with a definitive diagnosis for her yet. My other daughter had a terrible fall and broke her leg just below the knee and tore up all the tendons and ligaments all the way to her ankle and then dislocated the ankle. She has been with steel screws holding her together and those are coming out this next week. Her husband is the one that's been so sick, so they've had a very hard time. I've gotten to the point that I was afraid to answer the phone there for a while.

But God is good and He has a plan for all of this, although I wish I could see five minutes ahead to know what is coming next.

No, pain is not for sissies and neither is growing old. It's very hard work.

I really like what your doctor said about you sitting in the canoe. What a precious way to say he's going to take care of you!!

Of course you need a gnome!! Remember I volunteered first!

Have I shown you my great-granddaughter yet? She is my fourth great-grand, but she lives here, so I get to spend precious time with her. She was born two months early, but has blossomed and is now caught up with where she should be for her seven months. I won't bore you with hundreds of photos, but I think this is the absolutely funniest bath picture I have ever seen. The faucet is not actually directly over her head, but the way she is looking up makes it look that way. Her name is Grace.

Have a good and peaceful rest.

Diane

Diane - I certainly understand the depression and I understand that families worry about it. But with the way it is I'm surprised that your family can worry about one more thing. What an incredible year with all of your family having so many problems. It's a wonder that there is anyone left to worry. I am so sorry that you are all going through this.

And, yes. It's a good thing that you aren't having other problems in your family. It must not seem real to you sometimes. Or maybe too real?

I'm so glad that your family stepped in and advocated for you with the MD. When you are feeling that much pain and that confused there is no way you can get what you need. It is amazing what the drugs can do isn't it? I was on one medication where I couldn't find words and couldn't finish sentences. I'm glad that they found something to manage your pain better too. That's so critical. You are quite a champion. Sometimes the best you can do is to get through the day and it takes a hero to do that, even though you're crying all day. Sometimes my husband will tell me that I get an A+ because I got up and took a shower. He's a prince.

Your great-granddaughter is quite a charmer. Look at that face! And that dear sense of curiosity. I love this photo but I can imagine that her smile is really darling. You wouldn't want to post one of her doing that too, would you? :-)

You have first dibs on being my gnome.

Dorothie

Dorothie, Diane,

Pain is certainly not for sissies. I love calling you Dorothie - it's like we're friends now, I mean we were friends before but can you tell it's 5 am my time? I've got to get back to sleep.... all of our first names end in e but I am a different generation than you guys; I'm only 45 myself. I always wanted a great-grandmother, Diane, I think you are lucky to get to be one.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, Carrie

PS Diane, I don't just have bad veins, I don't have any good veins.
x,C