My it's sort of dead over here in the tree forum...

I've been scrubbing and waxing floors and cleaning toilets in preparation of the coming Gorge Fest where all my family and friends burst through the doors for the sole purpose of over eating so that every one can lounge around suffering from stuffing stupor for the rest of the night. Oh aren't the holidays fun! I'll bake and cook and prepare salads for three days straight and then in the blink of an eye, the turkey and all the trimmings will look as if buzzards descended upon them. I swear I don't think anyone chews anything these days!

I deserve a break for a little bit. A long time ago at the listserve somebody started a group participation story. Everyone was asked to add a little bit to the story to add their own twist and keep it going. Juvenile- absolutely! But I tell you by the time the thread was burned out, it was one of the funniest and twisted things I had read in a long time so I'm thinking I'll start.

It was a cold dark night and all through the DG forums there was stillness when suddenly...

.....someone casually mentions on the Coffee Break thread.....

... that fall suddenly has slipped into early winter ...

and I'm wondering how my potted seedlings will fare this Winter....

While I wonder if I can make it till all this holiday hub-bub is over so I can start my indoor winter play........

"Wonder away" said the Good Fairy Seedmother of Wintersowing as she nervously bit her finger and toenails anxiously wondering how many DG gardeners might leave unused seed in packets wasting away that would never see the sun's warming rays to be able to germinate. It had been a long hot dry summer for the DGers and although the Fairy Seedmother had spread her passionate seeds, she was concerned the Evil Seed Witch from the West would...

...send another nasty drought to wither and wilt all of her blooming beauties. The Fairy Seedmother decided to go have a talk with Mother Nature to see if she would.....

get off her dead fanny and send us some season appropriate weather next spring. For once.

... give us a break from the droughts, as well as the deer, hurricanes, tornadoes, hail storms, floods, deer, borers, seed weevils, rabbits, deer, Japanese beetles, invasive species explosions, late spring freezes, deer, ...

Rofl! Are deer a bit of a problem Star?

And why haven't I seen all of you Midwesterners in our new Upper Midwest Forum??

Come join the fun over there too!

The Evil Seed Witch of the West reappeared. From underneath her long black foul smelling tattered robes she extended her arm and pointed her long bony disgustingly bent finger at all of the wishful DGers and said, "not so fast my little pretties". "If you want me to spare you from torrential spring rains that flood and rot out all of your woodies and forbs this coming spring you will have to... "

give me a Cuisinart, with the bread hook accessory.

And what pray tell would an Evil Seed Witch of the West do with a bread hook accessory? That finger was left out there so somebody could pull on it in a new post and make her pass gas or something!

Back to the bread hook accessory-

Turns out the Evil Seed Witch of the West had an insatiable appetite for Cheddar-Chive and Sourdough bread and the Cuisinart would be enough to stave off the torrential rains and floods for this coming spring but she then wanted to know what would be sacrificed to her to stave off the droughts that would surely deplete the water table without the spring flooding so she again extended her arm and pointed her long bony disgustingly bent finger at all of the wishful DGers and said, "not so fast my little pretties". "If you want me to spare you from droughts and all the deer stripping the bark from your woody saplings, rutting and girdling your 10 year old hickories, and browsing all leaves of native trees within the reach of their mouths as they stand on their hind legs..."

You'll have to throw in a George Forman grill, too. I need something to cook the venison on.

"If you want me to spare you from droughts and all the deer stripping the bark from your woody saplings, rutting and girdling your 10 year old hickories, and browsing all leaves of native trees within the reach of their mouths as they stand on their hind legs..."

SOMEBODY PLEASE COME UP WITH THE ANSWER!!!!

And Gayle, as for the Upper Midwest Forum, thanks but I have to stick with only one forum so I can get some work done occasionally. That's why I wasn't active over here until I dropped out of "that other tree forum" we have mentioned occasionally. Besides, you reach a bigger geographic area here, and meet all sorts of great people. But thanks for the invite, and for making us more aware there are other good forums (fora? forae? whatever) out there.

Shooting Star, please come down here to central Illinois to shoot your venison!

Now back to your regularly scheduled witch program . . .

Guy S.

Not so fast my little pretties". Screams the Evil Seed Witch of the West If you want me to spare you from droughts and all the deer stripping the bark from your woody saplings, rutting and girdling your 10 year old hickories, and browsing all leaves of native trees within the reach of their mouths as they stand on their hind legs... Along with the George Forman Grill I need some of your best herbs, that took you all spring summer and fall to grow, collect and dry, to use on my venison.

This message was edited Nov 22, 2005 2:36 PM

And don't even think about trying to cheat me out of some of your best garlic bulbs, cackles the Evil Seed Witch of the West.

LOL @ Evil Seed Witch of the West.

Annie,
Mailed your envie and stuff out today.

Kelly

stuff...........Stuff???? LOL

Annie

The Evil seed witch needs garlic like she needs more rotten teeth. She is alreay foul smelling enough, but we better not push any buttons here........

Annie

This message was edited Nov 22, 2005 2:38 PM

This message was edited Nov 22, 2005 2:40 PM

If we want her to spare us from droughts and all the deer stripping the bark from your woody saplings, rutting and girdling your 10 year old hickories, and browsing all leaves of native trees within the reach of their mouths as they stand on their hind legs...



This message was edited Nov 22, 2005 2:42 PM

Annie,,,,,LOL, Who put a quarter in you today?? ROFLOL,,,,Good to see you again, hate it when you work those long shifts and we don't see you for awhile.

Yep, stuff,,,didn't have any seeds to trade and I know you weren't expecting any but put a couple other things in there for you. Don't get excited,,,,,it's really nothing. LOL

Annie, wanted to ask you, any idea where lilaclily and maxxy have been lately? Haven't run into them anywhere.

Kelly

I've not seen Maxxy, but I spoke to lilaclily yesterday; She went to the doctor again yesterday and maybe she will pop in today.

Maxxy, and lilaclily...... come out come out where-ever you are!!!.

Annie

rubbing hands togather.......ohhhhhh stuff, I like stuff :O) :O) :O)

She's Still not feeling well?????? Gosh, it's 2 months now or better. HMMMMM

ROFLOL,,,,,I'll put the next quarter in,,,Still ROFLOL

Well, I have today and tomorrow off then I work Thanksgiving, but that is ok, most of the poeple don't have family , and I'm taking in an extra tree for them to decorate.

All I've heard for the last month every morning is: is it time for turkey and cherry pie, and a big big tree LOL

Annie

They'll Love it. Do they have decorations? Bet that tree will start to get decorated before the end of TG day,,,LOL Glad you have a couple of days off. Good to chat with you again.

Kelly

I don't think they have a lot of decorations. I will take some in along with lights. Lord knows I have enough I've collected ornaments for the last 36 years.

I've been working some overtime.......but that means stashing away for a rainy day.......oh heck who am I kidding...... really stashing away for plants in the spring. LOL

I knew it,,,can't fool a fellow holic,,,,silly girl for even trying,,,LOL

Whilst GG_WI and RA16142 salivated and rubbed their hands greedily together in anticipation of future swaps, the Evil Seed Witch of the West stoked up the fires in the big people ovens in the bowels of her basement increasingly adding more buckthorn logs in preparation of readying her own little holiday feast of lilaclily and maxxy both of whom she had kidnapped several days earlier. Upon discovery of two damsels in distress Shortleaf and Starhill came barging through her front door (having used their brute strength and an Ironwood tree as their battering ram) pelting out the fruits from the Osage Orange tree aside Guy's home in an attempt to subdue the Evil Seed Witch of the West when suddenly...

....when suddenly they realized this was all fiction because it's a MALE Osage-orange tree next to Guy's house and it bears no fruits! HA-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha . . .

I guess they'll have to go find the 'Cannonball' female Osage-orange down the hill . . . the original WMD!

Guy S.

(PS: the buckthorn fire was a nice touch!)

The male osage orange tree growing next to Guy's house had been longing to grow fruits of its own for years. The poor confused tree had uprooted itself and snuck over to the female and after having yanked some of the female's fruits off... had glued fruits to itself before snuggling back into the ground next to the Sternberg home. It had been these fruits that our heroes (Shortlead and Starhill) had used to pelt the Evil Seed Witch of the West with.

Badly bruised with lumps all over her body from having been pelted with cannonball osage oranges, the Evil Seed Witch of the West gave up the keys to her basement and our heroes rushed in to save the DG gals from the Upper Midwest Forum. After the ladies were rushed out to safety, our heroes discovered...

But it was too much trouble to go find the other tree, so they decided to sneek in the window instead. Instantly, the smell of bread baking stopped them in their tracks. They quickly scanned the kitchen but it was empty except for a dirty Cuisinart with bread hook in the sink as proof of the bread-making. There was also a Gorge Foreman grill preheating on the counter. But where was everyone? Where was lilaclily and maxxy? Where was the Wicked Seed Witch? They heard the faint cackle of a laugh coming from the floor registers. Shortleaf and Starhill looked at each other and Shortleaf said, "What do you think she's doing down there?"

Starhill gulped and said "I dunno, but don't you think that bread smells kinda strange?"

Shortleaf took a huge sniff and then.......

Oh, Drat, drat, drat! Sorry EQ. We cross posted. Funny what different paths a story can go! What now?

Actually I think it's rather funny you were posting when I was posting because you see that bread machine didn't work all that well. It was defective. The loaves came out hard like bricks and they used those after they ran out of osage oranges. Good thing too because they were able to knock that Evil Seed Witch unconscious to make their get away with the damsels in distress who had been missing all too long from the UMW forum.

Meanwhile...

.....back at the ranch, the Fairy Seedmother was trying to negotiate a deal with Mother Nature to give the DG gardeners good weather and fewer pest and disease next season.

"After all, they have been suffering for years, why not give them one great year?"

"Bah, why should I? What have they ever done for me?" snapped Mother Nature.

"Now, why are you so cranky today, Mother?"

Mother Nature looked Fairy Seedmother square in the eye and said "You would be cranky too if..................."

you had been going through menopause for the last 20 years. This year has been the worst! Haven't you noticed all the weird weather? That is all from me!! I get hot flashes and the midwest heats up, cold night sweats and the east coast shivers. And did you see what my last 4 temper tantrums did to the Gulf Coast and Florida? If I could just get over "the change" .....

"But that could take years!" Fairy Seedmother interrupted. "Isn't there some temporary measure we could take to at least mask your symptoms of menopause so these poor DG gardeners aren't ravaged by your hot flashes, cold sweats and tantrums?"

Mother Nature crossed her arms and stared off into the distance. Then a light came to her eyes and she nodded slowly and said "As a matter of fact, there IS something that can make all these symptoms go away, and that is..............