My it's sort of dead over here in the tree forum...

a good night's rest for once. You see her mattress had been lumpy for years because somebody had been sneaking into her home and sticking infested Ash branches in between the springs which had been poking her and little EABs had been oozing out and crawling all over her while she slept like flies on poop but as luck would have it, Sealy Posturepedic had a mattress sale going the week of Thanksgiving (is there ever a day that mattresses aren't on sale?). Anyway, the hot flashes had been doing her in and combined with poor sleep had made her mighty miserable and mercilessly mean. Nasty old hag! Enter the Good Fairy Seedmother of Wintersowing who...

This message was edited Nov 23, 2005 9:33 AM

suggested HERBS,HERBS,HERBS, for the Wicked Seed Witch.

So, go gather your White Nettle (only the flowers). Cranesbill, Shepherd’s Purse, Periwinkle, and Lady’s Mantle, but mind youshe will want only the best

Oh yes, don't for get the Thyme so I can make her some tea. You do know how crabby and destructive the Wicked Seed Witch can get when she can't get her rest.

This message was edited Nov 23, 2005 8:42 AM

Ah ha ha! We were all posting at the same time again! Too funny!

........and in case the herbs didn't work, for extra measure Fairy Seedmother said to Mother Nature "Come with me, we are off to get YOU a new mattress, Missy!" So off they went to the kitchen where the computer was and Fairy Seedmother promptly ordered Mother Nature a brand new mattress, made of dandelion fluff so it would be extra soft.

Fairy Seedmother, who liked to be in control, said "OK, while we await delivery, we shall deal with the someone who sneaked in with the infested Ash branches. Who could it be and what could they possibly gain by disrupting your sleep?"

At that moment the newscaster on the TV said "And this just in - there has been an arrest just outside the Acres of Ash Tree Farm out on Hwy 21....."

"Holy Juniperus!" Exclaimed Mother Nature "Look, it's..............

Hot flashes?
Menopausal tantrums?
FLIES ON POOP???

You girls are getting beyond my comfort zone here!

Guy S.

...the Black Shoe Society!" (for the uninitiated, see http://davesgarden.com/forums/t/556261/)

Fairy Seedmother and Mother Nature watched in astonishment as the television showed the downcast members shuffle by the cameras, with their ankles chained together, camo paint covering their faces.

"I just don't understand it," they heard Equilibrium mutter. "I'm sure this is the address my friend gave me for Sanannie's house..."

ROFLMBO

...of course the Black Shoe Society (a.k.a. The Dirty Dozen) had been duped by the undercover spies at the Food Cupboard where they had stopped for an afternoon of volunteer work before their black ops mission that night. Not to worry, there was an escape plan...just in case.

Meanwhile, back at BSS Headquarters...

Marylyn and Casey missed their original flights so were not with the others during the secret ops mission. They were at Headquarter's planning a big escape plan to get the rest of the member's,,,,,they had some equipment at hand but not too much, they had their headlamps, their gloves, and some misc. garden tools that the other members didn't take along 'cause there were duplicates,,,,so they put their thinking caps on and.....

Hmmm.. just what IS she doing down there, that crazy evil seed witch! There are some female Hedge-Apple trees down the street, about 4 of them, and their fruits roll into the street every year. I have gotten some of them for seeds before. I have one that sprouted, I didn't know what it was. I asked Guy if he knew what it was, when he was over here, he quickly said "Osage Orange". I had forgot all about putting those seeds in that container. Right now all the leaves have fallen off of it and all that is left is the thorns.

Have a nice Thanksgiving all.

Will

Sorry to break into the story, just wanted to stop and say hi!

Those TURKEYS moved in quickly to see what the crazy evil seed witch might do next. Low and behold she tried to feed her basket of poison hedgeballs to the neighbors dairy cattle to see if she could taint there milk! The cattle facing the cold north wind grew weary trying to see the evil seed witch and her basket of delectible greenish-yellow hedgeballs. Suddenly over the fence the farmer threw the cooked remains of the turkey over the fence and.............SOMEBODY TAKE OVER HERE PLEASE........

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE.

cuckoo

Now a word from our sponsor:

This black-shoe stealth stuff is giving me the creeps!
You're all going to wind up in Gitmo.

Please Mr. VP Cheney, I don't know these terrorists --
don't send me to some torture dungeon with them!

And, echoing Shortleaf, hope you all are having a nice -- and safe -- holiday!
At least you Americans, for whom this is a holiday.
(The rest of you be safe anyway!)

And now back to your regularly scheduled witch programming . . .

Guy S.

...the turkey vultures migrating south swooped in to pick the bones of the turkey bare. Then the field mice moved in to gnaw on the bones and all was well and returned to dust until the crew from Sesame Street realized Big Bird was missing. No, they whispered amongst themselves. It couldn't possible be... or could it? Had cuckoo accidentally cooked up Big Bird instead of Tom Turkey for her family's Thanksgiving Day Feast. The Evil Seed Witch of the West was very pleased at this turn of events... if indeed cuckoo had in fact cooked Big Bird's goose. Fearful that Big Bird had ceased to exist, the Good Fairy Seedmother of Wintersowing enters the scene and....

...sends a viciously wicked wind whipping through the midwest. The wind scoops up vast amounts of seed, both good and bad, and deposits them in the yard of julie88. There hundreds upon hundreds of prepared containers are waiting to tuck them in for the winter. Julie is patiently waiting their arrival, so she can begin the long and tedious job of carefully tucking them in for the winter. The good seeds will be grown for BSS Agents own use, and the bad seed will be meticulously selected for Operation: Tailfeather.

This message was edited Nov 24, 2005 10:19 PM

.....And as the plot unfolds, the scene became a battle of the birds. The Wicked Seed Witch of the west had a particular dislike for most birds-the ones who through their droppings spread seed in numbers she could not track. Even the clound of moldy spores that surrounded this dismal damsel of damping off was not enough to stop all the seed from sprouting, so her foul thoughts turned to fowl. Big bird, having been an icon among poultry for generations, was the perfect target.

Meanwhile, the BSS must jump into action. Their clandestine mission of getting seeds and cuttings out of sanannie's yard and across the Canadian border depends on their trained migratory birds! Border restrictions do lead to desperate measures! To plot their course of action, sixth sense stratagy was employed, and they arranged their hoes in a circle, blade to handle, and each tossed in a handful of seeds. Their fearless leader, in trance, divined what she saw in the arrangement of seeds. To her suprise, she clearly saw.......

"dismal damsel of damping off " ha ha ha ha ha! Good one!

To her suprise, she clearly saw....... the super duper ultimate secret migratory weapon flocking to her assistance. English House Sparrows and European Starlings came to her aid in flocks of thousands dispersing evil seed from their specially made avian saddle bags thus lessening the pocket loads of the BSS for these evil introduced species of fauna do not respect boundaries.... meanwhile, the evil flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz were summoned to carry all members of the BSS (pockets loaded with cuttings and whole plants) over the Canadian border where they...

...plotted how they would divey up treasure trove of horticultural wonders so sneakily raided from sanannie's once lovely garden. The BSS, now confindent that the bootie is on it's way across the border and armed with preternatural knowlege of the Wicked seed witch's dastardly plot, grew lax.

Sanannie, when she went out for some autumn garden tidying, to her disbelief realized she'd only been left with a few stray Stella D'oro daylilies and a couple of Autumn Joy sedums! She became bent on revenge, and immediately contacted the Wicked seed witch. Well, actually the Seed witch came to her. Having heard sanannies wails of grief over all those hostas, heucheras, and woody gems, thought she had successfully ruined yet another seed starting project and wanted to watch and gloat. What she found however, was an unsuspecting ally. The wicked seed witch, playing on sanannies anger and grief, suggested they put their heads together to again foil the plan of the BSS. Their plan developed......

..................exactly as Sanannie hoped. After days of plotting and scheming, the two new allies, Sanannie and the Wicked Seed Witch (aka dismal damsel of damping off), finally came up with a plan to repay the BSS for their supposed 'trade'.

"This plan is deliciously diabolical!" Sanannie exclaimed, rubbing her hands together almost maniacally at the prospect of revenge. She thought of all the plants that she had lovingly planted and tended that were now just holes in the ground, except for some gross fungii and clods of clay and what looked like suspicious seeds broadcast all over the place. She thought to herself, "So they took my peonies and phlox... they even took my heucheras and daylilies..... but when they took my hosta - well that's when I lost it!"

The Evil Seed Witch cowered with the knowledge that Sanannie's anger and grief gave her the superior power. "Well, he, he, he," she said sheepishly, "I guess I had something to do with that....You see..."

"SILENCE!" roared Sanannie. "It is time to put our plan into action. You will do as I direct. I am in control now. At the stroke of midnight, you will go forth and .................."

.... before Sanannie could bark out orders to the Evil Seed Witch from the West, a Thalassodromeus (an even larger pterosaur than Quetzalcoatlus) came swooping down from above grabbing the Evil Seed Witch in its massive claws carrying the dismal damsel of damping off high into the heavens looking for a nice hard surface to drop her down on to for the purpose of "body slamming" her (my kids pointed out to me that this is how hawks kill cats and squirrels before they have their dinner so I thought I'd add it as a somewhat realistic touch) so the Thalassodromeus could devour her and grow even bigger and stronger. With the Evil Seed Witch of the West out of the picture and in the belly of the Thalassodromeus....