Help! Neighbors have taken away my privacy

I laughed out loud.

There are actually three fairly large sweet autumn clematis on the fence. Planted from my side. To hide the ugly fence. So, of course, they established their little perch between them.

Saw the husband at choir rehearsal last night. He came up to me and I turned my back. He tapped me on the shoulder and I brushed his hand off. Then he tried to sit next to me. I moved. He asked - what's going on? And I walked away. From then on I acted as though he wasn't there.

I don't think he would have gotten it if I'd picked up a chair and hit him. Which I would have loved to do.

And I consistently wear headphones in the garden.

In six months this won't be a problem.

Donna,
Could it be that your neighbor is incredibly dense or challenged when it comes to social cues--- or do you think truly trying to harass? How do others at church etc respond to this family?

Missingrosie, it's interesting that you ask. I went to choir practice last night and it was weird.

The father, who is a member of the choir, kept trying to get physically close to me and I kept maneuvering away. He tried to intercept me before I could greet anyone else, and I just moved around him. He tried to sit next to me, but I got up and sat between two other people who were singing in the same range as I was.

At one point he came up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder and I pushed it away. He demanded to know what was going on, but I just walked away.

Just now I was in the garden winding up my hoses and securing things. The wind is really picking up. It's getting stormy. As I was headed toward my house he appeared, started walking toward me and calling out hi, Donna, clearly intending that I stop. He had seen me from his house and clearly came out to intercept me. I said hi and went into the house.

I think he has some fairly serious problems.


This message was edited May 24, 2012 8:08 PM

I've experienced this before, hence my suggestions of a large dog/trailer which really aren't aesthetic at all, but do the trick. Donna, make sure that someone else is aware of what is going on - maybe another neighbour or friend close-by and carry your cell phone with you while gardening or at church in-case they decide to do something stupid. Unfortunately this isn't Pleasantville and as missingrosie suggested, they don't get the social cues or respect privacy. I suspect it will get worse.

I just communicated this to a close friend who knows all the parties. I'm no chicken but his does have me concerned.

It has us concerned, too. Please, keep us posted.

Thank you.

Japanese Privet, we had the exact issue you do. In one year we no longer had to see our pesky neighbors! The birds love the fruit in fall and the butterflies love the flowers in spring.

Ran into the bonehead Dad at choir rehearsal this morning. He tried to turn on the charm but I looked right through him. Not in a way that anyone else would notice, but in a way that made things clear. And then I realized something. No one was talking to him. He had so monopolized me there that I hadn't noticed. I was lucky in that everyone was so kind and friendly, and they really welcomed me to their group. He had told everyone that he was responsible for my being there - people I had not met thought so. I merely smiled and told them that I was so impressed with their Strawberry Festival fundraiser that I wanted to get involved.

I went back home, and now I am back in my wonderful new garden moving around lily bulbs and picking cherries from the cherry tree in the yard.

I have 3 Deutzia scabra Codsall Pink on order with Forest Farm. Perfect for the soil, lovely in spring, low maintenance and they will come as three foot plants! Ultimately, 8 to 10 feet high and wide. One will take care of the location. The other 2 will cover chain link fencing that is attached to a house will a dog that needs training and a view on the other side that needs covering.

I think it probably helped that I wore a sleeveless top this morning. I'm a recreational bodybuilder, and my arms are bigger than his.


I want to thank you all again for your kind thoughts and suggestions. It truly made me feel much more secure to have your input. This is such a great community.

Donna

I also just moved into a new (older) neighborhood about one month ago. I am re-landscaping back and front. Had 600 bricks to outline beds (not enough), bags of garden soil, bags of cotton burr compost, and 9 metal tree stakes for dwarf fruit trees delivered and got teenager to help. Had many plants saved from old house. Also ordered many more.

Neighbors across street are nice and not pushy. Have 3 neighbors in back with short metal fence. Neighbor on one side is nice and very old with tiny barking poodle - they sit in back often under an overhang. Neighbors behind me with little kids have 2 apple trees that hang over fence but said they did wanted them gone and it was OK if I cut them where they hung over the fence - they are friendly too.

Neighbor(s) on other side has many old appliances in back yard and hung 3 old rugs on the wire fence between us. The rugs do NOT shield me from his junk.

I think the reason he added the rugs might be to prevent me from planting along his side. I have 14 tomato cages and several iris/daylilies on the side by old man. I think he does not like my landscaping - tough. He can still see what I am doing with the brick lined beds.

Most of the 7 beds are close to completion, except for the large one by his house. I have many holes ready for this one - leaving space for flowering cherry and whatever I do to hide his appliance graveyard.

Yesterday he added a blue bath rug and toilet rug on the fence - they look nicer than the 3 old ratty rugs. The teenager wanted to ask him why he was doing this - I said to stay away - guy was too odd. Guy scowls at me and the teenage helper. The rugs are getting watered by my sprinklers - hah! If he wanted to air them out, he could just hang them on his back fence - no one can see there (except me).

Family and friends have considered what to do: shed? (expensive and on a slope), wood fence? (maybe best choice - instant), trellises? (keep trying to get tall ones but cannot find locally - not sure why), tall shrub? (take too long to fill in), tree? (maybe - slow but faster than shrub).

I may have to add a wood fence along the metal fence to hide his junk. I asked whose fence was whose when I bought the place, lady did not know, fence was in when she moved in. Need to replace part in front by bad guy anyway - has gaping holes on sides and was used to allow riding lawn mower in to mow lady's back yard. Holes good for giant bunny access to yard.

I'm so sorry to hear this. The only ugly views I have ever had to hide were of nosy neighbors faces gawking at me.

Another section of my yard backs into the same length of chain link fence above. It is decorated with an enormous tire and bright blue tarp. That's why the additional Deutzia.

Ay my old house I put in a trellis from a fabulous mail order company called Trellis Structures. The New England Trellis It really did the job, but I too was looking for good trellises locally and could not find them.

This what people saw from the outside. There is a huge patio table with 8 chairs hiding behind that trellis. I really had it nailed at the old house, where people stared from windows, the sidewalk, and the ubiquitous driveway used as a living room.

Donna - That trellis is just breathtaking. If you could afford to put a few of those
down your current fence line you'd solve the snooping problem and at the same
time give yourself a glorious vista! Perhaps a local handyman/carpenter could
build something similar for you?

When looking for places to live most of us don't think to do some serious
investigation of neighbors. We live in a nice middle-class neighborhood and it
has an undercurrent of a combination of Desperate Housewives and The Witches
of Eastwick, augmented by constantly barking dogs! After 11 years I've learned that
the best relationship with the adjacent neighbors is one confined to a polite wave,
a cheerful "Hi", and as little involvement as possible beyond that. I always have my
cell phone in my pocket when working outdoors and pushing the volume button makes
it ring so I can easily excuse myself from any unwanted encounters. ;-)

lol. june_nmexico, that is rich. DonnaMack - stunning trellis! A neighbour decided to steal soil from the garden on Saturday which turned into a fight. I hate that sorta thing. I laugh at the landlord hiring a journalist to recommend edible landscape plants.

"Good morning, and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!"

My next door neighbors made it quite clear to me that they were waiting for me to share my tomatoes, lettuce, cucumbers and peas whenever they are ready. Oh, and of course the raspberries, logamberries and gooseberries. They used to note how nicely they were coming along, and surely that there were too many for meet to eat alone and plenty to share?

Now that they leave me alone, I enjoy taunting them by going outside, picking cherries from the cherry tree, and showing my visible delight in eating them. After all, they can now see me, in most locations of my back yard, 24 hours a day!

In my old neighborhood, people were quite direct. If it wasn't neighbors peeking and spying, it was passersby and complete strangers who would say they that they understood that this was a real COMMUNITY so they were here for a tour of the garden. One guy walked 20 feet into my property and walked right up as I was digging dandelions, said he wanted a look around and started to light up a cigar. I told him that if he was going to smoke he would have to get off my property. Then I told him to get off the property in any case. He was completely shocked.

That's why the back of the property, off the alley (which people used instead of the street, complete with children, despite lots of cars, gawking at you without speaking, as though they were shocked that you were there) , looked like this.

After looking at lots of trellises on line, spotted ultra cheap willow fencing that could be attached to metal fence posts - my teenager is already expert at getting those posts in ground. Need to put posts 4 ft apart. Will find out how to attach to post. Ace Hardware has some 5 ft tall. It comes 6 ft tall but do not know who has this. I think 5 ft will be tall enough, it will be on a slope higher than the bad guys house. May put it in at least 1.5 ft from existing metal fence. I think I can get through 1.5 space. $60 for roll 13 ft long, 5 ft tall, 2 inches wide? I need to see this.

You should clone your teenager! The least expensive solution to the privacy issue is usually the best. My old community had so many rules that getting permission to put a trellis in that location was easier than getting permission to install a tree. I am putting in three $10-$15 shrubs here that will take care of the problem.

I was able to install such a nice trellis because of a wonderful gift that I received. It also gave me a chance to put in some everblooming red roses, so it, and the grasses and smokebushes, made a beautiful privacy fence.

I already feel better, having made my plans. I'm sure you will too.

Here are the deutzia Codsall Pinks that I received from Forest Farm (Ok, I threw in a rose, since shipping for 3 gallons is the same as 4). The deutzias were advertised to be 2-3 feet tall. The tallest is over five feet tall - $10 each!

I've been getting them into the ground. The neighbors are craning their necks and clearing their throats but I think they get the message.

Thank you again, everyone. You've been great!

That's a good price and they look quite healthy. Good deal, I'd say.

Donna - those look like they'll grow to be the perfect solution and be a
treat for your eyes as well. Can you plant them far enough in from that
fence that the busybodies can't reach over and hack at them?

Oh, thank you June. How thoughful. The first one is in and they would have to have ten foot arms to get anywhere near them. I think they reserve their hacking for their side of the fence. I am installing the other two in areas where another neighbor has both a chain link fence and is using their side of it as a dumping ground (huge truck tire that isn't in the picture, garbage cans, a big tarp, and a house that's not in good shape) but I am moving the amazing hydrangea that never bloomed for the original owner. A little compost, regular watering and a mild winter did the trick - as you can see it's in major bud. I've read it should be done in October or March, when it's dormant.

Many, many problems solved with the gerneous advice of many people on this and one other thread. I'm so pleased.

Thank you!

Donna

DonnaMack,

I will start by saying that I absolutely love the color of your home in the pictures. Your trellis is also an amazing site.. I want to talk about this grass -giant miscanthus-as I have a neighbor situation similar but not nearly as aggressive as yours.

We live on 5 acres and do not have neighbors that are overly close. The man to the east has 40 acres and is a good bit away, but he is a wonderful neighbor. The ones to the south have 10 acres are far enough away, also lovely people. To the west is our closest and most obnoxius neighbors. -- When we moved here several years ago there was a lovely elderly lady that we dearly loved and helped her any way we could but is no longer with us.. Her house sold and though there is space, there is a small fence between us. --

My hubby used to tell me about this guy at his place of employment that was just annoying, truly just got on his nerves. A know it all kind of person.. Fast forward a few months....to our closest neighbors house being sold, and just guess (of all the people in the world) who bought that house.... Yep, You guessed it!

On the fence line there are some large shrub like trees about 15 or so feet high and 6 to 8 ft wide, and some other trees as well... but it is a long fence line so I would like to know more about this grass to fill in the holes. Bright sun shiney area looking for something to fill in the gaps.. :)

I'm glad you problem seems to have improved. :)

This grass is amazing, and it is exactly what you are looking for in a full sun situation. Miscanthus giganteus is by far the fastest growing grass. And it's 12 feet tall - before the flowers.

I planted it in autumn of 2004 and by 2007 it had reached well over ten feet.

This question came up before, and there is a thread in which I posted pictures and discussed timing. May I send you to it?

http://davesgarden.com/community/forums/t/1243005/

If you have any other questions, please post them here and I will be happy to respond.

Donna

Thank you so much. I'm sure this grass will be very helpful to me.

Wonderful!

Donna....glad you have made a plan and having a bit more peace of mind lately. Just seeing this thread and skimmed through it quickly. I have five backyard neighbors, two of which due to distance and their age aren't problems. One had a great fence installed around their property when they had a pool put in and then they planted landscaping and I liked the privacy it offered us so much that we installed the same fence along two neighbors on our north side. At one time five kids live there, and the other is a shade tree mechanic / collector of all things automotive!

With the addition of this roll fence, you can see the privacy it gives. Here are two pictures that are of the fence on my side of the existing chain link fence. It is a six foot treated flexible fence that clips on with wires to the chain link. We like it so much that if we moved we would install it again over a chain link. Easy install, and only takes about 30 minutes with two people to put in 50 foot of it.

That's really cool. I take it they don't mind having you attach it to their fence. I do have three huge autumn clematis that they previous owner attached (just not in the REVEAL! spot. The roots are on my side of the fence but it is attached to their fence. I think they know better than to touch it. I pruned it in the spring.

Chain link two up there with the beautiful hydrangea also had a huge hardy geranium on my side. I dug it up and relocated it. And put one of the deutzia there, which is now in bloom. When the hydrangea goes dormant, I am also going to move it. It was moved once before because it was thought not to bloom. It did bloom this year and has the most glorious blueish purple flowers. They don't deserve such beauty so I am going to put it where I can see it through my window without looking at their garbage.

No, because at that time it was a rented house and one of the five boys was autistic. My dogs would bark at the kids especially him when he would grab and shake the fence. The other (automotive part guy) asked me "Did you put that fence up to hide my junk?" I said yes, before I thought then laughed....but it was the truth!

Where did you buy that fencing, Sheila? I could use it to hide the area behind my neighbor's shed. Can it attach to other types of fencing or to trees, if needed? The only fence we have now is the original post and rail (ours).

If you added teenagers with BB guns sneaking shots at the birds at my feeders and proselytizing to the scenario, we would have similar situations. My solution was quick, ( one day) drastic and expensive. I had a 6' wooden privacy fence installed up against, but not touching, their chain link fence, fully legal and with all the necessary zoning permits. I decided to put the fence up around the entire back yard and re-landscape accordingly. My nice neighbors to the south were a little miffed at first but later told us they loved the newfound privacy themselves. The west neighbors, who were friends with the miserable, rotten east neighbors were very upset. They couldn't any longer see through my yard to have loud conversations with the proselytizing east neighbors, who were equally upset. They never spoke directly to us about it, only others in the neighborhood. Still had one problem though. The rotten teenagers would climb a ladder and shoot over the fence. Never so glad in my life I dipped into the savings. It was the right thing to do.

My back yard is my sanctuary. Visiting it is by invitation only. Its where I go to replenish, not be harassed.

Have you thought of holding your nose and planting a border of 'Emerald' arborvitae? It serves the same purpose and is green all year, obviously.

Snapple, good for you.

I've gone hog wild and am ordering yet more shrubs. Getting larger ones from Forest Farm costs more money, but the fix is relatively quick. My original annoying neighbors (who have trellising and vines on their property to give THEM privacy) crane their necks when I step out of the house. But since all three (control freak father, guilt tripping mother, and gossiping son) have each approached me separately and gotten the cold shoulder, there is no approaching the fence. And the shrubs they cut are growing back. It's kind of a hoot, because I have tons of raspberries, and when I go out and pop them in my mouth, and share them with a nice neighbor, I can see their little beady eyes behind their trellis. They had made it quite clear to me that they expected me to share them. Yesterday was Father's Day, and the control freak father lingered outside clearly waiting for acknowledgment. It's terrible, but I'm really enjoying the fact that this makes them uncomfortable.

The other trashy neighbors with the tire and garbage are being handled with 3 shrubs along their fence, and I am relocating the beautiful hydrangea. It also has the effect of obscuring the view of their loud, aggressive dog. So I now have some peace in my yard. It's a different place.

My old community has problems with teenagers running through the yard at 11:00 screaming. Breaking mailboxes. One 16 year old walked into someone's unlocked house (OK, that was dumb) and took his wallet, his cellphone, and drove off in his car! There are lots of unsupervised teenagers distributing their spent beer cans, leaving sharp objects in the road at night and other such. Since it is an upscale community, the parents feel that their little darlings should be able to do whatever they want. The house just went under contract to some lovely people who adore our landscaping and the quirky things we did with the interior. I'm truly happy for them. They made an offer just $10,000 less than the asking price, and the contract is clean and makes no unreasonable demands. The best part of all is that I was able to take tons of cuttings and dig up a billion bulbs (68 lilies alone) because that stuff doesn't show above ground.

I love the part about "holding your nose"!

I'm glad to hear there are some positives for you. I'm doing a landscape job in a gated community. Houses average $900,000 to $1.5 m. Nothing surprises me. You would think people in those homes would use their irrigation system during a drought. Nope! Many of them don't. They wont pay for the water and let expensive landscaping and lawns struggle and go to heck. If you ever do a job with high end folks make sure you have a clause in your one year warranty about sufficient watering by the homewoner. I water every plant in myself when they go in the ground. In my contract with the home owner I specify that I can check the shrubs/trees/plants periodically for the contract year to ensure that they are being properly cared for. I also ask them to cycle the irrigation system so that I can observe that its functioning properly. Last week in a 40 x 26 bed only one of 6 irrigation heads was working properly. I wont plant until the system is fixed. Still waiting to hear. Sheesh.

The woman next door to us at the house we are selling, who built the most expensive house in the community to date, boasted of having her landscaper put in three 8 year old redbuds (the lovliest I've ever seen). She didn't water them. Two of them died. She put in five 20 foot white pines. They were stunning. No water. There's one now.

So, sadly, what you say doesn't surprise me at all.

Pirl, I got it from Acme Fence Co. here...I will check and see if there is a website with the brand name.

On the tree loss.....Down here we had a horrible summer drought with water restrictions last year. So many people let their trees die! Don't they know how much it cost to have a tree removed?? The cost of water coming out of a hose is so much less!!

Thanks, Sheila.

I don't understand the tree thing either. All you have to do is put a 25 foot soaker hose around the base of the tree and attach a hose. I had mine on timers. 10 minutes on, 15 minutes off, repeated twice. With the soaker hose, the watering is targeted. And with the 15 minute pause, all of the water soaks in.

Pirl, I can't locate that fencing. I will call this week (if my memory will oblige) and see if they will tell me the manufacturer. It was installed on my southside on the neighbor's yard back in the mid 90's I believe. It is stil in pretty good shape despite vines covering most of it and bushes resting over the top. They may not make it anymore since it won't stand alone, and chain link is not put in much down here anymore.

Thanks for trying anyhow, Sheila. I'll look online and locally though most of what I see locally is all vinyl.

Well, I wouldn't recommend this for deliberate installation, but the previous residents allowed pokeweeds to grow in their yard. I have two. And you'll never believe where one of them is - right where the shrubs were but down.

I don't even have to wait for my deutzias to fill in. I think this is hilarious - and free!

Donna, I just came across this thread. The Miscanthus giganteus will take more shade than you realize. I have a clump or two that I planted further up the hill in front of my compost area that pretty much only gets 4 or so hours of morning sun. Agreed, it's not 14 feet tall like the other, but it's only a couple feet shorter and just as full. VV may have given you a very good option there.

Doug

I have another really good spot for it. Think I'll track one down.

Thanks.

Donna