Would you shake a muddy hand?

I was a bit put out the other day when I met two new gardners. I was up to my elbows in a bucket mixing up some promix when they stopped by, I at least wiped off most of the slurry from my arms and hands but they declined the proffered hand. Was that rude of me to offer my muddy hand in greeting?

X

No way!!! I would shake your muddy hand anyday :-)

They weren't actually gardeners, then. Sheesh, what could possibly be on your hands that they haven't touched previously and survived?

I don't think so. Maybe they were on there way to some place where they had to be clean? I wish I could shake your hand, dirty or not!

They clearly weren't Texans. One always shakes hands when offered... even with your enemy!

I guess there's a time and a place for gettting dirty would be my answer. I don't mind getting my hands dirty, but I don't let them stay like that longer than needed.

You know, I figure if someone stops for a visit when I am obviously busy and working, they have to take me like I am. I usually quickly wipe my hand on my shirt or pants or whatever is closest. I usually sway my hand back and forth and say, "I'd offer to shake your hand...". That gives them the option of grabbing it anyway or at least laughing. That way I appeared to be friendly and did offer but didn't make them feel like they had to take it. Sometimes they say something like "Who cares?", "Very nice to meet you", "It's just dirt" or something like that and grab it anyway or they just laugh.

Since I sell plants from my home and have lots of unusual stuff, people often stop to ask about something. Most of the time people stop when I am working so I can't afford to be rude and they should not be offended as I am doing what I do. If I wasn't out there dirty, they'd have little or no reason to stop! LOL

I say you did the right thing. Whether they take it or not, is up to them. I would not have shaken your hand either! I would have grabbed you and hugged you and laughed when we were both filthy. Then I would offer to help. :)

Good solution, badseed.

For me, it (somewhat) depends on what I'm wearing - 99% of the time, no problem. But if I'm in nice clothes that won't take me wiping dirty hands down the pants (or, heaven forbid the SKIRT), then I might be more hesitant...bearing in mind that being in said clothing is as rare as I can make it ;-)

Dirt, slurry, whatever wouldn't deter me. I would gladly shake your hand, and then we would become friends. Friends don't care what friends look like!!

Good clothes .. bad clothes I'd shake hands in whatever condition the hand was, then smile and ask for a paper towel or something. That's the way I was raised. I was just a bit taken aback as I have never had my proffered hand refused before.

Thanks for the input.

X

I'm the minority opinion here, obviously, but if my hands were dirty I wouldn't have offered to shake, and if someone offered a dirty hand, I might well have declined. No offense meant in either case, but most people like to keep their hands clean.

X ~ you did say they were " two new gardeners " perhaps the emphasis should be on NEW? They need some dirt to bring them 'down to earth'!

New to me. When they came they were carrying armloads of cuttings and pots .. so getting clothes muddy didn't seem like an issue.

X

That is foreign! I am with you...

Okay, if they were already dirty, there's no excuse whatsoever. They MAY make a pretense of being gardeners, but they are most definitely not southerners! (NO OFFENSE meant to anyone from north of the Mason/Dixon.)

My sister-in-law is from the South and told me that Southern women are raised to not shake hands. Does that sound familiar to any of you? The discussion had come about when I was telling SIL about my experiences at a job interview in Florida. The office manager had greeted me when I entered the office, but simply smiled and stood back when I offered my hand. I found that rather odd but was willing to make allowances for cultural differences.

The rule against shaking hands for women in the South applied only to those people that were considered beneath their station or Yankees. Most of my family back to the early 1800's and beyond have been born and raised in the South, Georgia and South Carolina. It took me years of painstaking effort to lose my southern drawl. We were taught always to offer a hand in greeting, once I reached my teens. For men I was taught to present it top side up and not sideways in which men were taught to take the womans hand and bow slightly over it and for women a clasp of hands with the other hand on the outside and an ever-so-slight step or lean forward. Before teenage years a curtsey was required for girls and a slight bow with one hand in back and one in front for boys. There was always the opt out situation if a woman did not feel comfortable offering her hand to a strange gentleman which was a slight turn and nod of the head, usually reserved for Yankees. We were taught never ever to touch anyone above the wrist in public in greeting unless it was a relative, in which a slight hug and brief press of cheeks, but no other body contact was acceptable in public.

Luckily all that archaic nonsense (sorry great grandmother) kind of died a natural death during the 50's and early 60's.

X

Thanks for the cultural clarification. Not sure it's died out though.....that job interview was in the mid-90's (this century). Between the office manager refusing to shake my hand and the hiring manager blowing her cigarette smoke in my face, I decided it was best to keep my talents west of the Rockies.

I'll be happy to shake your hand, even if covered in mud or muck. Afterwards we can take turns holding the hose to wash up and then admire the garden. :D

I am so amazed. Our customer base is primarily male and many men offer their hand first. I have learned to handshake firmly and it surprises many men.

x,
I would have been insulted.

Never, ever, would I turn away from a proffered hand of a working person, whether it be farmer, mechanic, welder or gardener.

"There's a big diffenence,' my grandma used to say, between clean dirt and dirty dirt". Any dirt, mud oor overall griminess accumulated while working is clean dirt in my book. It's to be admired and respected, rather than looked down on.

Deanna

I'm sorry if I insulted you with my post. I didn't mean to. I'll go away now. :-(

It just would not occur to me to even offer my hand unless it was reasonably clean. That doesn't mean I look down on you.

I'll take this thread off watch and not participate anymore.

I would not shake hands,,,, I'd offer up that, due to my skin condition and open wounds, I cannot risk infection. But, sure Happy to Meet 'cha! Smile! I've NEVER insulted anyone with my clear explanation of my condition..... they are more than happy to NOT shake hands with ME.

WH I'm NOT insulted, your input is invaluable .. I guess clean is subjective. If my hands were greasy or germy dirty I would just say, I'd shake hands with you, but I'm a mess at the moment. I was just kind of surprised that fellow gardeners would balk at a little potting mix.

X

This message was edited Nov 5, 2006 9:21 AM

White Hydrangea, don't worry about it at all! Opinions are just that. X posted to see what other people think. There is no way we would ever all think the same and how boring it would be if we did! I always appreciate seeing all the different answers. Next time I offer my dirty hand, even with the apology, I'll have this thread in my head to remind me some people won't take take it. If I forget to offer my hand, the thread will remind me that someone else might have expected it. We aren't all raised the same and we don't all think the same and that is something I like in life. You pretty much never know what to expect.

I have to admit, I am a hugger! That really freaks out some people. LOL

Big Zen hug to ya Badseed!

X

Really a great thread.

Yesterday I "volunteered" at a nursing home. The "home" where I went has little gardening plots for anyone interested in vegetable gardening as well as many areas for those interested in more traditional perennial gardening. They also have specific areas where residents may put up bird feeders and such for those interested in birding and they are allowed to plant anything that might attract butterflies or birds. I truly like this concept as it provides all who live there with an opportunity to personalize their outdoor living space as well as their indoor living space. I have been asked to help them with their "wildlife" garden areas for the next 5 years and yesterday I brought forms for all of us to be able to "assembly line" style make our own suet slabs to be hung in their "wildlife" area over the course of this winter. I am new to these residents and evidently everyone loves a new face. When I first entered the building, there were residents already waiting for me which somewhat surprised me. They were crowding me in the entry way in their wheelchairs, on foot, with canes, and with walkers and all were wearing smiles and trying to introduce themselves to me while offering their hands. I took every hand offered to me. It was lunch time and most of them were coming straight from the dining area. I could tell several of the residents hadn't washed their hands after eating because there was a spot of gravy here and there and you could see many had sleeves that had ended up in their plates. I took every hand regardless of whether it had left-over lunch on it or not. It never occurred to me not to take a hand. Some of these people are very old and I was later told that quite a few had rushed through their lunch to be able to greet me just in case I came early... which I did. I must admit a few hands were pretty grimy but when extended with a big welcoming smile or in earnest, how could one even consider not accepting it with a little added butter that missed getting spread on bread? As a side note, I asked everyone to roll up their sleeves and wash their hands before we started. That's the Mom in me coming out and I really didn't want extra ingredients dropping in the suet from their sleeves.

This thread is making me think if there was ever anyone who didn't accept my hand and also if anyone hadn't accepted mine. I'm sure there must have been but I can't recall an instance where my hand wasn't accepted and vice versa. I've been pretty filthy from time to time when I have offered my hand and so have others who have offered their hand to me and I haven't been gardening in earnest longer than 15 years so I don't think my attitude has anything to do with being a gardener or not but perhaps more so being the byproduct of a farming family where dirt and grime happens? I'm pretty sure people with dirty hands have tried to wipe them down their pants or shirt before they offered their hand to me (if they even realized their hands were dirty) and I know I have done the same. The thought never occurred to me not to accept someone's hand regardless of how clean or dirty it was so I am very appreciative of those who posted in this thread who stated otherwise. Thankfully, I've never attempted to shake the hand of someone who didn't appear to be interested in extending their hand to me. It was more a matter of subconsciously respecting their space. I never realized until now there were people who might be offended.

Great comments by everyone.

Just one comment and my perspective, i.e. "where I'm coming from". Its not just "a little potting mix". When the question was presented as "... a muddy hand" I remembered a good friend who was digging in his garden, had a cut on his hand, no gloves. Something in the soil, a nasty bacteria, entered the wound and caused infection. He ended up in the hospital for three days on an antibacteria drip. High, high fever. Its not a question of the "person" who is offering their hand in friendship. Its a question of being prone to infection and being aware that there are things in the soil that can cause problems. Otherwise, yep, I too am a "hugger".

Happy Gardening!

You have yet another really great comment. Many people with depressed immune systems or auto immune deficiency diseases out there who may be a little "hand shy".

Message delivery style seems to be the key here. If someone declined to shake my hand but gave me a warm, welcoming smile and showed an interest in chatting with me, I would accept that as a type of "non-physical" handshake. I certainly wouldn't want to put anyone in a position of having to explain a health condition they might prefer to keep private.

This is all very interesting. You really do have to "read" people, don't you?

Once, and I won't give details, a man refused to shake my hand. I had extended it, and he looked at it and turned his head. Under the circumstances I understood, but it still cut. I felt the full brunt of southern hospitality as my own personal burden. I almost cried. But, again, the circumstances were exceptional.

Solution? Do what feels right, and roll with it if it doesn't work out. I doubt many people really mean to snub others, but just don't know how to respond.

They might say I am dirty but they can't say I am rude. :) Unless offering a dirty hand is rude, then I am dirty and rude but I did try to be nice. LOL

Great topic.....it really made me think.

Except for some of the elder folk around here, there isn't all that much hand shaking going on that I can think of. (Maybe men are just more into handshaking than women.) I do know however that there have been instances when someone has dropped in when I'm dirty from the garden. In those cases I have said that "I'd love to shake your hand, but I'm filthy", while smiling and looking apologetically at my dirty hands. That gives them the option of shaking my hand or not, and we have a laugh either way. I usually wear gloves, but some dirt always seems to get inside anyway. I would not be offended if someone didn't want to shake my dirty hand. There are plenty of people with allergies and/or phobias that I would not want to make uncomfortable if they didn't want to shake my hand, even if it was reasonably clean.

I just saw this thread. ; ) I've denied a handshake before because MY hands weren't clean and didn't want to get the other person dirty. I guess I just assume other people wouldn't want my gunk on them. haha

I have eczema and every washing takes a large toll on my hands. Keeping my hands clean is VERY ingrained in me. I wear latex or plastic gloves for gardening, cleaning, cooking, changing diapers, etc. But if I were loading a bunch of plants already with ungloved hands, I'd figure my hands would need to be cleaned afterwards anyways. I wouldn't have minded shaking your dirty hand. ; )

Something came up yesterday that really has me thinking about this. Originally I thought what rude women they were and certainly not like the polite and friendly Summerville people I remembered . .

Then, yesterday while I was getting my flu shot; the Health Dept. nurses noticed I had a large band aid, one of those 2" x 3" ones, on my arm and asked about it. I told them it was just an oven burn but I had covered it because the skin was broken and I was working in a greenhouse that day and I didn't want to get it dirty. They both said "smart move" and commented about the soil borne germs and actually mentioned the MRSA Virus. They reminded me to always wear gloves when working in the soil (I rarely do) and suggested that latex was safer than traditional garden gloves for protecting one from "the unusual germs out there today" .

Yikes, I've been compulsively washing my hands all day.

My son got that- an MRSA infection. ; (

Edited to add that he actually got it while being in the hospital, though.

This message was edited Nov 17, 2006 7:34 PM

What is MSRA, a staff infection?

That was my understanding. And they isolated him from the other babies but said that likely antibiotics would have no effect on this kind. And they finally gave the green light for him to come home a week and a half later but never said if he'd gotten rid of it or not. They just didn't want the other babies to get it. haha

I am not too sure, but think staff lives in the host body and when something triggers it, it flares up. We have a friend that has recurring bouts with it. I do hope your son is able to avoid the same. How old is he now?

14 months- never had it flare up, though. They said it only gives a rough time to extremely small preemies, and while Chris was 3 pounds, I guess that wasn't small enough.