Zen of Gardening or Confessions of an Addict

Yesterday was a perfect day for gardening, the sky was overcast, the temperature reasonable, the finches where eating the sunflowers, hummers were hitting the flowers and feeders, saw my first butterfly - not some stupid white moth, could hear the sprinklers - sound of running water, my neighbors were not fighting - pure heaven. I achieved true peace, inner harmony if you will. Made all the more special by having had to go into work on Saturday & Sunday, and the fact that I am truly up and going again. And then it hit me with blinding force - 2 realities - one right after the other. I have been aware of these facts for awhile now but now I feel like I can embrace them, truly come to terms and accept them as my reality....

1.) I am a total and complete IDIOT.
2.) Gardening is better with beer.

Looking around I see shrubs planted to close to the house, drought tolerant thyme next to a water loving pussy willow, an invasive here, an invasive there, BAD color schemes, wrong plant for the region or space or color, tried to get rid of ALL the grass in the backyard the 2nd year (its ba-aaack)......did I get discouraged, yes. Shopping sprees, lack of planning all the newbie mistakes. But then there is another cold one brought out along with pad and paper, start making notes (I know I could be using this site better journals and such - but I only access from work...) about what to move where in the fall another cold one and back to it. There is all ways next year - right? And I have you to count on...

Thanks guys for all your help, I was a freeloader for a few months now I am on my 2nd year, I truly do not know what I would do without all of you.

Edited to say I am a complete idiot not a competitive one....(compete was my typo)

This message was edited Aug 22, 2006 11:34 AM

Well, as a person who landscapes with squash, I can't really look down my nose at you.
I have made so many gardening mistakes that I lost count years ago. Now I just do it because it makes me feel wonderful.
I prefer to garden with wine -- after accomplishing something I feel good about in the garden -- preferably sitting on the patio, looking at my little kingdom.
Betty

Magnificent Queen of the Nile - you need to fire your marketing person and get someone who can put the right spin on things. :-)

You have been doing valuable garden research in your yard! An idiot would not have been able to conduct this type of work. Shrubs planted too close to the house affords the opportunity to observe and report on the effects, in any. Should the effect be negative, you will be able to experiment with solutions and then sagely give advise to the next person performing the same experiment. If the effects are positive, you'll be able to suggest this as well.

What has been the effect of extra water on the thyme?

Every garden space is different. You need time to get acquainted......assuming you want a longstanding relationship and not a one-season stand.
*grins*

Oh, I love it, garden_mermaid! I might have to hire you to be the spokesperson for my sand lot when the Marvolously Questing Naturalist is done with you. I suppose you might be saying that my sad neglect of the garden is to trial and test which plants are truly hardy in the High Desert, LOL!

Oh don't worry. You can use my excuse: "Well a bird must have planted it there, and I didn't pull it out because I wasn't sure if it was a weed."

This excuse works well for salvias and yarrow and cosmos, but not so well with butterfly bushes or oak trees. Live and learn.

greenjay, squirrels are notorius for planting oak trees! That's what the oak counts on - a squirrel burying an acorn and then forgetting where it was planted long enough to sprout. Some catepillars have been known to glue twigs to their bodies as camoflauge. Perhaps the "cat" planted the bush?

Great topic, Momentarily Quiet Naturist.
I will never eb more than a gardening Idiot. Gardening is more fun to do with tea, but more fun to sit back and enjoy with mead. My version.

My garden foibles are endless.
But I made a characteristically stupid effort to list some for you....

This is the first year my Plant collection looks remotely like a garden. A garden! A nice place, eh?
I have a hops vine literally tearing at my bedroom roof.
An "innocent" bamboo start is shooting out long runners before I can get it moved. My cardoon will probably open when I'm not looking and I'll be known as the idiot who introduced the largest thistle to western CO.
My bareroot Laburnum died from tainted chick compost in the soil and became a trellis that fell over with Gigantic volunteer morning glories. I killed a dozen types and thousands of seedlings of carrots by forgetting to water.
My only survivineg cantaloupe plant, I didn't plant. It sprouted from compost in the neglected front flowere garden. When I walk by, I try to hide it in leaves lest a passerby appropriate it.
I planted my ginkgo too deep to start with and in lifting it's rootball set it back two years.
The ornamental tobacco is taller than my beloved palm, hiding it.
My magnolia had two flowers: one right after I left on holiday, one right before I returned-this happened last year, too.
My former vegetable garden is now just one huge datura.
Dozens of vines large and small were planted this year. All of them want trellises- now!
I forgot to water my shade rock garden for what, a month? Things are still alive, amazingly. Some horizontal helleborus...
After some design-important cannas did not come up, I planted replacements. Then they came up. I figured that accomodating my houseeating lace vine, I would keep it out of trouble. Now it just covers the window in layers of woody growth as a shortcut up the house.
The worst weed in the back garden is grape/cherry tomatoes.
My rarest plant- I nearly killed it by what? What is the best way to kill a plant in the desert? Overwatering.
I'm actually killing iceplant with drought. Is that possible?
I killed a Phormium in one day- ONE day. Fried it's whitish-tan leaves to a crisp.
I had a nice, spacious 7' arch under which to walk to the back garden from the side one. Dues to a very heavy vine snapping its wires, it is barely tall enough for my mini schnauzer to walk under it.
I don't like pink but pale pink is satanic. My favorite well-variegated morning glory openend this morning:

ROFL James! I love it! I'm waxing nostaglic.......

This message was edited Aug 22, 2006 12:19 AM

MQN, James, at least you two can tell when a plant is truly a plant.....as opposed to some of us who find that a real challenge........

My mom and aunt were visiting me shortly after I moved to the condo. They wanted to buy me a plant as a house warming gift. We happened to see a lovely phalenopsis orchid in the plant section of the supermarket and my mom puchased it for me. We carefully kept it shaded in the car so that it wouldn't sunburn on the drive home. Once we arrived, my mom carefully checked the soil, determined it was dry, gently soaked the pot and misted the plant.

My mom is one of those persons who can get rare cataleyas to bloom in the temperature extremes of the weather at 6,500 ft at Lake Tahoe. People were always amazed at her orchid collection. They filled every window sill. We made annual pilgrimages to the McClellan orchid greenhouses.

Needless to say, I was very diligent in misting, soaking, checking temperature and otherwise pampering my new orchid - for about 8 weeks when I made a devastating discovery! I happened to be home when the sun was shining directly into the living room and illuminating the orchid. In the clarity of the sunlight, I noticed an unusual texture on the flower petal, an unusual WOVEN texture to the petal. Yegads! The plant was fake! I'd just spent two months pampering a silk orchid. (oh the shame of it.....)

Rothflolm!!! garden_mermaid Thank you so much for sharing that story. I needed a laugh after dealing with an impossible customer!!!

my aunt still has fits of giggles every time she sees an orchid. We're still amazed that all three of us thought it was a real plant.

I think I will also have fits of giggles everytime I too see an orchid. :o)

Garden_mermaid I definitely need you to put a "spin" on things for me, I see myself more the queen of Denial. Your attitude is as refreshing and as positive as all get out. Chuckles over fake plant, I used to be able to spot one a mile away but they have definitely improved in quality (not going to say it’s my eye sight – just got bifocals ) now I will go right up to one in a store before…ugh fake.

pajaritomt - I have seen how you and your neighbor landscape with squash and there is nothing “just” about it. Love that stone wall, something maybe even I can do.

Kmom246 – you pick up the language of spin very quickly “trial and test which plants are truly hardy” (giggles) you are a natural linguist.

Greenjay – you and I are a lot alike except I plant stuff then weed them out. Last year I planted peppers that I started in the house then weeded them out thinking “the bigger plants" that are the same are the peppers no - had a nice patch of volunteer sunflowers.


Kind Eloquence Nurtures The Obvious Novice – pretty impressive list but I am quite sure that your list of accomplishments far exceed the "test & trials" listed above – so no sympathy for you. Ok a tiny bit.... Can I ask why you planted the hops? Just curious, I plant for the following reasons: cutting flowers, feeds/shelters wildlife or better yet feeds me and the wildlife.

I truly appreciate you all for the laughs, knowledge and empathy.

Edited to "spin" ...new lingo hard on old woman.

This message was edited Aug 22, 2006 1:43 PM

"Kind Eloquence Nurtures The Obvious Novice"
So sweet and clever of you. Dead wrong, but sweet nevertheless...
Hops? Because it is a rampant vigorous vine... and so that it could rip bits of house off. I started the silly thing from seed, too. A female, lucky me.

The fake orchid business is the funniest thing I've seen since "Nickel Creek" played a Britanny Spears song... Those silk things are getting awfully convincing. The bloody things ought to be illegalzed.

Great thread, Money Quarrel Nightmare.
Kenton

ed. for gross typos.

This message was edited Aug 22, 2006 3:42 PM

we're determined that our plants will grow........whether they are real or not.
:D

Money Quarrel Nightmare seems a bit unfair Kinetic Energy Naturally Transfers Online Nuances. And you KNOW I am not sweet. Are you saying that a male hops plant is more trainable?

This message was edited Aug 22, 2006 4:46 PM

I haven't noticed the male of any species to be trainable... but maybe hops is what I need for hundreds of linear feet of ugly chain link (great for keeping dogs in, coyotes out, but not real restful on the eyes). Do you think they would grow faster than chipmunks could eat them? I'd need one heck of a rampant female, I think.

Conclusions conclusions ladies, and it is difficult to find good "Q" words. The last MQN-device was unfair, I succeed. I blame my lack of Q-words.

No, female hops have the useful and decorative- well, Hops! Males have little, un-hop like flowers. The vines themselves are equally agressive.

Kmom- if you do want some hops starts (they are fast growng herbaceous perennials that have deeeeep taproots and require little water when established) to plant next fall to cover that fence, I can supply. They are mildly thorny- no, not thorny. Rasping to the touch. Good for fences! They grow very fast in spring and should give the chipmunks a run for their money if the scurine armada will eat them at all. Birds love them. I have no idea what the birds are after, but it must be good. In fall, when I walk by the plant and shake it, birds come streaming out in all directions like a popular bar at closing time.
Kenton

I hope Malaprop Queuing Negotiator doesn't mind a hop picture:

One to appease the Mighty Queen Nefertiti herself:

Karma Equalizing Nominalism Transcends Ostentatious Nomenclature – Nice pictures, they truly do satiate the monarchy. Hmmm Hops. Always something new to try…When is Steve getting back you most be feeling rather overwhelmed by women.

Going to try “spin” …To date my most aggressive experiment was seeing the effects of defoliating a blue spruce, they will do this if you spray any foliar fertilizer (who reads labels) other then fish emulsion. I actually was kinda experimenting in that I only did it to one side of the tree. It looks rather odd I am afraid (note to other blue spruces this is not a look you want to be sporting next spring) except at halloween when I cover the dead (facing the street) side with spider webs. Blue has decided to forgive me and is very slowly coming back, although he is wondering why I had to do it to him and not his brother behind him who is less visible.

And on the halloween note, my favorite decoration last year was when somehow I managed to plant 1 of those skyscraping sunflowers in the parking strip I had popped its head off and replaced it with a human boney one (skull) one of those cheap ones that have the hole (where a spine should be) and it just sat there cute as could be. Flashbacks to medieval times…. Meant to do again this year but, oh well….

Maidenly Quixotic Nymph nah that’s not me….
Plain & Simple Nadine

You've got to love a plant whose Latin name is Humulus lupulus (hops)!
http://www.greydragon.org/library/hops.html
http://www.dominionherbal.com/Herb_of_the_Month/hops_netta.html

Nadine, Kenton - thank you, thank you, thank you....for keeping polysyllabic English alive and well!

kmom, fortunately my FIL did the task of training my husband. He taught him that if a man wants a long and happy marriage, he needs to add two words to his vocabulary and use them frequently: "yes dear".

Do you liek to pronounce it "HOOM-yoo-luss LOO- pyoo-luss" or "Hum-uh-luss lup-uh-luss...?"
With only one vowel and too many Ls for its own good, it is great any way you do it, really...

I would hate to meet Malignant Qualm Nudger in a game of scrabble! Can you train a vine into the spruce when it is leafless as a sort of once-living trellis?

Kenton de la Mancha.
(my destiny calls and i go/ and the Wild winds of fortune/ will carry me onward/ withersoever they blow/ onward to glory I go!...)

G_M: So, I guess from what you are saying it depends on whether or not the person is male or female and IF you like them whether or not you give them one of these….”Women that pick Hops can suffer a disruption and even a complete absence of menstrauation due to the absorption of the oestrogenic principles in Hops (through their hands), and men can have an anaphrodisiac reaction.” ….Not my typos….

JamesCo - More of a backgammon player actually AC/DC or Russian....standard is kinda blaa.....Blue is slowly coming back actually have decided to rename him Roquefort because he is rather Cheesed at me his twin brother (who is better looking) now owns that name. Roquefort is pissed at me enough.... do not want to hang some girly looking vine off of him. I have been deep watering him with one of those Ross deep root feeder thingys figure his roots on the street side do not get enough water due to road and sidewalk....I keep telling you my name is Nadine, variations include Nadia, Natasha, Natalie nicknames include Ned, Dean, Nada......nada.......

Meaning Quintessentially Nothing

Sure thing, mean string bean flinging Nadine.

UGH! I got Mean Queen Nadine when older sister brought her brats by and the little demons had been coached to say that they would have written me a poem for my birthday but since nothing rhymed with Nadine but Bean (they glance at mommy looking for wickedly un-sly approval) that they had failed to do so. So I said "Mean Queen Nadine" accepts no excuses.....

Menopausal Quadragenarian Nun

OK the M is not quite accurate YET but I am looking for a little respect.......

That is fine, My Qualmed Neighbour.

Kenton and MQN now behave yourselves. Interesting to watch but no can do.

But...but...he...Started Transgressions Every Vermicomposter Evidenced....


So I am weeding in the backyard and I look over at Blue (not Roque) and he is sporting a vine....swear to god....what did you do? A volunteer grape no less.....I will deal with you later....

And on a gardening note I battle with....Knapweed, Earwigs, Nettle, Thistle, Oxalis, Nematodes......"everyone should have a Drac" - Enemy Mine.

Ooo, those sting. Almost like Multifaceted Quercus Necrosis
EM? Energetic Madwoman?

You don't want the Vitis vine? I wondered.

The Vitis vine is welcome where I planted it (green seedless and concord) on the other side of the property on the fence. No vines in my spruces. Please and thank you.

EM = Enemy Mine movie with Dennis Quaid back in the mid 80's - Sci-fi - earth is battling a planet called Dracon - Quaid (human) ends up stuck on a deserted planet with Louis Gosset Jr. (Drac) obscure reference I know but you seem to be as fond of your Dracunculus vulgaris as I am mine. Have you ever tried starting them from seed?


Jactitation apparently makes enemy's so Courtesy occurs.

Gossip, wine and movie entertainment all in one thread! I love it!

I loved that movie! Males with compassion and tenderness after failing at war. What a wonderful tear filled story. Yes we need more Dracs. We need a new thread "5 gardeners and a movie" that will take a million hits on DG.

Gossip, wine and movie entertainment all in one thread! I love it!


Love that, Karla.
There are some superficial Grapevines south of the college art building in the landscape being badly mistreated. That doesn't stop them from producing an incredible amount of succulent, perfect tasty fruit! It is quite bizarre.
Movie Quoting Nadine: I missed it. I have reasons.

My poor favourite Dracunculus was toppled mortally in a windstorm the day after it bloomed, but I was able to trade for some seeds and will try them this winter. It will take years to reach maturity. (Them, them!- Not me!)
Kenton

Another garden foible, that sad day.
Like a bloody crime-scene picture...

Oh that is horrible Kenton. Sorry.
Oh I started that thread. http://davesgarden.com/forums/t/645056/

Steve you are a good guy after all, I knew it, you have just been hanging out with a bad influence.....I will be over there shortly (boss is UN reasonable wants me to do Some work).

Only reasons to have missed this movie that are acceptable:
a.) Could not stay up that late.
b.) Still a gleam in father's eye.

I am so sorry about your Drac, baby. And you are right years are not the same as decades.......

Myself, although growing wider and greyer, do not seem to be maturing much at all...

It's a good movie; it's on DVD. No reasons to miss it.

Karla - do not give us away like that gotta do as Garden_Mermaid says... spin baby spin......expanding grey matter with youthful exuberance.....

LOL! Merily Quite Nice, I think you are quite right!

and here I thought you were becoming more voluptuous with a dash of foxy silver...................as my DH says, it's no fun to hug a twig.

Your DH has right attitude........... "A pewter vixen with childlike naivete" ........will not bite the hand that expresses just that....