Garden stroll

Back40bean, bravo to you, and brava to your wife. One of the reasons you can feel good about what she does is that you helped to make it possible. It is so admirable in you that helping to empower her gives you such satisfaction. I have seen so many instances of spouses who feel more comfortable making their other half feel helpless and dependent. She is a fortunate woman that she has a spouse like you (can you clone yourself)?

And thank you for the compliment of admiration. It truly means something from someone like you.

Donna

Me too. Donna wins the Imagination Award!

I was lucky enough that my dad taught me how to use power tools (as well as how to shoot guns, but that's another story). In my rural high school the girls went to shop class and the boys were required to enter the cherry pie contest. It was an unusual place and time because of the remnants of pioneer spirit in that part of Illinois. I always thought it was great, but there were a lot of sexist teachers around too. The currents crops of young people don't understand how hard it is to break cultural stereotypes. And I wish Donna lived next door to me!

What does it say about our society when women can proudly announce their use (love) of power tools, but men don't seem to be similarly announcing their use of washing machines, wiping babies bottoms, or myriad other tasks historically left to the females of the household? Or are they, and I've missed it? No men here have.

Oh Rosemary, it would be fantastic to live door to you. (Everybody, we spent some time together recently in Cambridge and Boston, and Rosemary rocks! This is someone with whom you definitely want to hang out.)

But Rosemary, where the heck was that in Illinois? In my grade school, I was chewed out because I finished first in a male dominated group on a math test. They posted your scores and each week you sat in math class based upon how you scored. We had big classes - 40 kids wasn't unusual. And I never wanted to be out of the first row (the top six). Frankly, I thought it was really stupid to make children feel demonstratively "inferior", as though math skills are the only ones that count. Because math was not my strongest subject it was a point of pride with me to always be in the front row. But the first time I actually finished first I was hauled out of the classroom by a nun who told me that it was unfeminine to beat boys at math. Only 13, I stood silently during this diatribe, which only made me feel contempt that I was too smart to express for authority figures who abused their positions. Especially since the creepy nun who taught the class went over to her favorite boy during the next test and pointed out a mistake - right in front of me. The next week I was second, and he was first.

The thing about typical female tasks is that you do them over and over again and they are almost immediately undone. Change a diaper? The baby isn't going to thank you, and two hours later you are doing it again. Wash other peoples' clothes? I was home office based so I thought it would be nice to do my then husband's laundry. In a way it benefited me, because when he did his own laundry he would leave it in the machine for days. It was OK until one day he snapped at me about the way I rolled his socks into one another - I didn't do it completely, which I didn't do because I didn't want to stretch them out. (His father treated is mother contemptuously). I told him he would not have to worry about that in the future, because I was NEVER going to do his laundry again. Two years later he finally apologized and begged me to start doing it again. I said OK, but you bring your blasted laundry the three floors to the basement, and if you throw stuff in inside out that's how you'll get it back. No argument.

I love using the snow blower. You do it, you see results, you don't have to do it for a while, and it's a cool piece of machinery. The same thing with mowing the lawn. It looks nice, and no one is going to dirty it in half a day and expect you to do it again.

The one thing about that is think is honestly somewhat stereotypically feminine is that I love to prune my roses and lilies and peonies and the like. I like to fuss over them. If there is a problem, I like to kiss it and make it better. After being deadheaded roses look so happy and will bloom faster. I love going out with fish emulsion and seaweed and tending to what I regard as my babies. It's the stuff other people hate. (Which is why they pay me to do it). But you get immediate results (improved beauty) and the plants don't complain to you about how you did it, even if you did it wrongly. And you don't do it several times a day.

Not to point to anyone's post in particular. it is empowering for women to learn "male tasks", therefore is it depowering for men to master certain 'female" tasks" It seems so, or generally viewed that way.

I am probably trying to get too deep here. And we've really strayed from the original question. Sorry.

If you strayed I did it tenfold.

But we were talking about what are seen as the usual differences between men and women. And I for one, was immeasurably cheered by the comments of VV and Back40bean. I feel I know them better and I think they are really wonderful.

Me too. And the other guys too. I am enjoying this thread. I thought the Rosarian thing was quite interesting, I didn't know that.

Everybody here, male and female, is really cool. I am happy to have had a chance to know everyone here better.

Yes I have traveled in some odd circles. I could tell you great stories about hissy fits in the local lily society (not to be confused with the North American Lily Society, which is wonderful). I didn't know that both sexes had hissy fits.

Donna, if we didn't have traits in common (male/female), they would have classified us as different species. Similarly, as a female speaking; if you and I were both the same, one of us would be unnecessary. Lol

I'm very much like you, very independent and I love my power tools and many 'male' type jobs; but, I celebrate My DH's masculine differences. I celebrate the differences between myself and you...and everyone else. Otherwise, I wouldn't have enjoyed this thread so much.

Thanks all -- good stuff!

Everyone (even you cool ones, and you know who you are) should not forget that we - like our garden favorites - are products of millenia of selection, mutation, and advancement of successful adaptations. The species didn't just start out like VV, and make more...

Add to that a bit of free will, discovery/harnessing of fire, sports, and digital technology - et Viola! Here we are.

Ha ha! It's probably work every day for us all about when to say yes and be first in line and when to say no to demeaning tasks. Nasty though when grunt work gets assigned to women.

To answer Donna, I'm talking about a moment in time in a small school district not far from where you live. It was a brand new regional rural school district that initially attracted academically engaged teachers and managed to win basketball championships in their AAA division and won downstate in drama contests against the elite schools.

I don't think being an original thinker who defies cultural stereotypes is easy anywhere, not there either.

So, where shall we all go on our virtual stroll?

We could go look at the Viola, I think that's what VV alluded to...

Since RosemaryK brought it up - and the topic swerved into accomplishments outside norms - how about a gander at the Polly Hill Arboretum (West Tisbury, MA on Martha's Vineyard)?

1. Viburnum wrightii - just right...

2. A wonderfully aged Stewartia (Stuartia) pseudocamellia - old as me

3. One happy Oxydendrum arboreum 'Chameleon'...

4. Everyone recognizes Callicarpa kwangtungensis - right? I think there's a song about it...

5. Disanthus cercidifolius in flower and fall color

Beautiful fall color VV...I love red foliage!

Wow, that is an old Stewartia! ;) Mine has been in a bit of a growth spurt of late, but no flowers the past two years. I could understand this following the winter of '13-'14, but last year wasn't all that vicious. Could it be due to the unusually bitter cold November we had? Do they sometimes take time off from flowering when putting energy into top growth?

I'd give my oldest child for that Oxydendrum, especially since she didn't call me on Father's Day.

Here's a few pics from a not-so-famous arboretum located in west-central Wisconsin. Can you name the plants?

1 - Hydrangea arborescens 'Annabelle'
2 - Hydrangea macrophylla 'Invincibelle'
3 - Halimium calycinum?
4 - Acer japonica
5 - Acer japonica

St. John's wort is the only yellow flowering plant I know in that size.

I love thesevirtual tours because try as I might, it is hard to get to either of those lovely places in person. I might be in Wisconsin before getting to Martha's Vinyard.

If I can get to Elm Bank in Wellesley MA, maybe at a long lunch, I will take pics. Time to look in the archives...

Mipii, you nailed the 2nd pic and very close on the 1st. It's actually 'Incrediball', which does live up to its billing as an improvement over 'Annabelle'. I'm a huge fan of H. arborescens and have them spread throughout the place. A few years ago I visited a historical property in Louisville that had maybe the most impressive display of Hydrangeas I've seen. I can't recall the name of the property, but ViburnumValley was the host and will hopefully chime in.

Rosemary, you are correct! That is Hypericum, which is another great shrub. Easy to grow and incredible flowering that bees can't resist. These shrubs are a constant buzz. ;)

The last one is actually Acer 'Northwind', which is a hybrid of Japanese and Korean Maple. The leaves remind me of A. japonicum 'Aconitifolium'. I have high hopes for this tree.

The foliage on Northwind is very beautiful, Pseudo.

Geesh, the foliage didn't look like Hypericum to me in pic #3. Good job Rosemary! I'd like to see 'Northwind' in a few years, looks very promising. Thanks for the challenge Pseudo.

If any of you (like me) had difficulty seeing the flower in VV's post of disanthus above, I thought I'd fill in a proper picture of what it should look like... just a centimeter diameter at most.

Oh cool Wee, I even went back and looked, I couldn't see any flowers.

Yes, well, the flowers are, well, wee...

I only included one image because I intended to convey variety available. That image shows the plant best, but I thought observers should know that Disanthus cercidifolius flowers in fall (October 2009 then).

Here is poof...

And here is another Massachusetts treasure out on the Vineyard - Mytoi Gardens...

1. Enkianthus campanulatus - one of dozens in amazing fall array

2. Viburnum dilatatum

3. Franklinia alatamaha, still blooming

4. Ashamed I can't remember this one - maybe a Juniperus sp.?

5. Overview

You shouldn't be ashamed but it is a shame, perhaps you can sleep on it and get back to us. Very beautiful VV.

Last stop (for now) on the October 2009 stroll through Martha's Vineyard. Who was Martha, anyway?

These images are from the tour of Cape Poge lighthouse and property...

1. Baccharis halimifolia everywhere

2. Parthenocissus quinquefolia bedecking Morella pensylvanica

3. Marsh full of Ilex verticillata

4. Great stairway

5. Fun facts

Great plant pics, VV! You found a little known fact--the Cape and Martha's Vinyard are best in September after the tourists leave. And I hadn't been thinking about the lighthouse being converted to solar power. Clearly these are terrific gardens and worth the trip.

There you go throwing the elusive franklinia in my face. My nemesis. It's gorgeous. Alas, I've quit trying to grow it. I've got my hopes pinned on x Gordlinia, which I haven't had the courage to plant out yet, but I'm going to try it. It's budding up nicely in a pot as we speak.

And in my yard, when a juniper gets 'fall color' like that = death.

Just lurking here, but these last few emails are alternately fascinating and hilarious.

Pseudo...I'm betting the property in Louisville was Whitehall??

Kimmy is korrect...

Ah, yes, Whitehall. Kimmy, it's practically in your back yard. I take it you have been there?

It is practically in my back yard and I've passed it many times as it sits in a favorite area of town. Everytime I pass it (average once every month), I vow to do the tour one day. I believe they are also known for their peonies. My husband and I did drive in one day but they were setting up for a wedding so we didn't get out, etc. Now I'm inspired since the hydrangeas should be blooming, I would think.....too wet for the next day or two though....