AnalogDog reports in

Its really hard to write this as I still feel nothing like the gardener that I was. The gardens are full of weeds, a compost pile that has not been tended needs to go, and someone needs to motivate me to deal with the leaves that are starting to come down.

The short form of whats been up: In late February, I had what is called a Psychotic Block, simple terms I got very paranoid which got me admitted to the ER and to a 3 week stay in the mental health ward. I got out with a diagnosis of Bipolar, and a prescription for some pills which made me catatonic, and catatonic I was for 3 months. Following that I slipped into a deep depression for 3 more months while my doctor pulled me out of it. During this time I did little, maybe a walk each day, but most of what I did was sit in a recliner and ruminate about everything.

I am now on the other side of this experience and wading through the wreckage of my body (I have always been active, I am now more out of shape than I ever have been.) I also messed up my neck and shoulders with stress, and my body is just overall stiff.

To top it off I have been unemployed 19 months, am likely going back to school, but going insane from lack of a job. I will never put down employment as a waste of time.

I have lots of time to garden, but little will to get to it, it just seems so overwhelming right now. But I wrote this as I need to get out of my isolating rut and interact with people more so I plan to be around more than I have been recently.

Analog, I'm sorry you have been going through such a rough time, and I hope you have a really good doctor who you trust to help you figure out what works best for you. I think gardening can be good therapy if you take it a little bit at time and try not to get overwhelmed. Set little goals that you can be successful completing rather than trying to tackle the whole big weeding job all at once. Can the compost be spread around to suppress the weeds until you can get to them? Take a short walk around your yard and let the plants speak to you. They are your companions that you planted, and they probably want to take care of you too. Call me goofy to think like that, but hey, I'm a gardener, so I talk to plants. Maybe you can let your garden be your partner in healing your psyche.

Analog,
Yes, sorry to here about all the issues you have to work through. Mauryhillfarm what a wonderful response and good advise. Just go out and fill one bucket if that is all you can do. Try and do it were you can see it from your window. That will make you feel good about yourself and motivate you to do more.

Take care

Thanks all for the comments. I was out in the garden pruning and weeding during the summer with my yard basket but it seems like a lot of work is needed, I am just waiting for the flowers to die back for the winter. I believe I am still battling depression, and that is making it hard to feel good and into the gardens. Even my succulent collection is forgotten, but being abused is part of their lives.

I think its great that DG is around and that such a supportive gang exists.

When ever my depression hits me I try to focus on someone else and do them a "thing" that makes them better, happy, valued, whatever and then I rise a little to see more light in me. When depressed I see "standing" as a lot of work. Just look to what your garden has in value with you and build on that to start. I shall pray for you to get energy and value. You have lots of courage to discuss your present issues and that shows a valuable person already waking from the grey. Tomorrow look for a color and the brighter the better so each time it will lift you knowing that the color is a smile from our creator. (I'm guessing yellow?) Good work AD!
This is a photo of a lake I have been paddling to boost my energy. Canoeing in October is fun. Tomorrow I am paddling up an isolated stretch of river here to spend the night under the stars to see the Northern Lights. Maybe another thing to do AD go to eastern WA and see them.

I am so sorry to hear about all the health issues you have had to go through, I'm adding you to my prayer list that life will become kinder to you and that an angel will show up to help you get started back in your yard.

Jan

edited to correct spelling...

This message was edited Nov 4, 2011 12:18 PM

Hi Analog-I have sometimes in the past thought gardening can be too solitary an activity when you are lonely and depressed, and should not be given unlimited time. But now you can stay connected with this website! Still no substitute for seeking out activities with family/friends/etc tho. Welcome back!

Sending you all my good karma and joo-joo. If it helps, someone once told me to try always to be kind to others because each of them are fighting their own battle, whatever that might be. I think that is so true, and often invisible to others. I wish you the best, and encourage you to go pick up some fall leaves and bring them into the house - easy enough and restful on the eyes.

Analog - I am so sorry for your pain. I too suffer from bi-polar problems. Medication helps but it's a constant struggle. Interestingly I think it is my gardening that keeps me from going off the deap end. I am not a people person and spend a lot of time alone. I talk and sing to my plants and have turned an extra bedroom into a sort of greenhouse to keep me sane in the winters.
I hope you feel better and can get back to where you want to be.
If you ever need to talk to someone feel free to d-mail me.

Hey, Analog! I suspect many of us gardeners are depressed and engage mainly with our plants. At least it (finally) gets us out of the house....Do you live alone? That would be very challenging, I'm sure. Hopefully, there's a dog in the mix. Pets are always there for you, so have to be there for them. My two cents is that you at least have a diagnosis to work from. My dad didn't, for years, and we just thought he had become a weird and terrible person. Took me ages, from a thousand mile distance, to put two and two together. Please work closely with your doc on getting the meds right, and don't EVER stop taking them, regardless of cost.

I'm worried that we have not heard from him since the initial 2 posts.

Me too. I think I recall he has a family, so I hope they are with him through this rough time.

I hope he is just lying low, but Dog, if you read this, please speak up!

I made you this photo group AD. http://davesgarden.com/community/forums/t/1234174/

Sofer, how darling! Are the candy canes in your neighborhood?