Dealing with Adult HDD in Our Lives.

I thought I would separate this Topic from the "New Year--New Paperwork" one--
as the stresses of the clutter of paperwork--and Taxes coming on-has
"morphed" into all the discussion about reasons of how we procrastinate and
deal with "musts" and "have to's" in our lives....

This discussion has been going on a while now on the original Thread...
Lets continue it here.....

We came from here---- http://davesgarden.com/community/forums/t/1157624/

This message was edited Feb 7, 2011 6:31 PM

Going to give you a scenario of my life's plans for TODAY...

In my semi-awakenings of this early AM--I was already planning out
what I needed to do today....Had it all scheduled out.....Oh, Yeah!!!

Since I do not work on Mondays--I have ideas of how I would spend my day off
Gonna clear off my DR table of all the remaining seed junk and--maybe--
FINALLY put out all the supplies for any particular Craft Project to work on....
My seeds are all organized---Ready for the Swap!!! Feeling good here!!!

Forever being under the stress of finding time to start vacuuming and straightening
up my house--this was on my agenda....GONNA do it! YUP! Starting with the
BR and the dusty closets.....Gonna sort out my some 30 pairs of shoes and see what
I really need and what I really no longer use.....Time to bite the bullet!!!
Gonna start pulling all the dusty shoes out from the bottom of my closets and seeing if
I really still use them....FREE day!!! Gonna do it! YUP!!!
Gonna donate the unused ones to a Charity.....Feeling good about that!!!

After my AM cup of coffee--I started looking through the Sunday Paper Grocery adds....
A day late--I know! But--been too busy to do it earlier.....HMMMM....
I usually make a list of WHAT I would like to buy from the ads--check if I have any
Grocery coupons for those items..and such....Deals of the Week!!! etc...
OOOPS! Need to do a load of laundry!!! While I look through all the qds----
Perfect time!!! I do it--and now need ti watch the buzzer when the dryer is done---
and then fold up everything and put it away....

Wondering IF I have time to go shopping-as I have all these other things to do????
Getting out my grocery "need to" pads and writing things down...
As the list grows between all the stores---I start planning my travel route....

Coupons organized and paper-clipped to the adds of the Stores and my notes
as to who has what that I want to buy---I set out in late AM.....

Travel to Store #1----then Store #2--Then Store #3---Then Wallmart for some great
deals---then to the Gas station--as they have 5 cents off a gallon today---
I am at a half-tank full...Never know what the price will be next week????
Then to Rite Aid to get batteries for my 3 dead watches (NO luck!)...
SO! I fill up! Had a half a tank-- but I better do it--or else!

Then--lastly---to my local Liquor Store for some wine----and--FINALLY--
I am heading home!!!!
By now it is 2:30PM.....I have about 7 different Grocery bags-full of stuff.
Getting them all in--and unloaded----takes it's time....

Geez! Picked up 4 packages of discounted Apple wood bacon too at the Meat Clearance
bay at the Safeway---What a deal!!! 50% off! Because the sell-by date is soon...

Home now--3 trips from the ar into the house to get everything in.
Turning on the TV now--as I do the unloading of all the groceries I have bought---
--so I will not miss the Dr. Phil Show...LOVE that Show!!! Then--Oprah!.

Now--I need to dice up all that bacon I picked up in the Clearance Bin....
Don't want it to go bad! i KNOW they will throw it away in a couple of days!
I HAVE TO "rescue it" from this fate!!! So--I buy all 4 packages of it.

Dice---dice--dice---Chop--Chop---Chop....All bagged now for the freezer
in Zip-Loc bags....Now to find room to put the bags in my forever full freezer....
It is stuffed full because I keep buying all kinds of meats on sale!!!
GOD!! Help me to not do all this!!!!

BUT! I cannot help it!!!!

Here goes my FREE day I was going to attend to more important things to
in my house.....Like cleaning and vacuuming....

PROCRASTINATION!!!! Mission accomplished.....

I hate myself!!!

G.
.

I can fully sympathize with your frustrations. I have lots of days like that. May I play devil's advocate?
Learned while planning my wedding long time ago. Time IS money. I saved money by spending time to shop around. Conversely Money IS time (commutative property of math, third grade)
Money is Time. You spent extra time getting the gas today . Ten minutes? How much will gas go up- 5 cents? Half tank, ten gallons at most? You spent ten minutes today to MAYBE save 50 cents. Half a cup of coffee. Was it worth it? If you need the time, you will fill up each time, taking the extra two minutes of pumping less often, to save the the weekly extra driving in, parking, getting out car, opening tank etc. ...and not have to stop so often.

My remedy for not overbuying--don't look at it. Don't go there. Buy what you need. Don't browse. Proof? I have way too many clearance pieces of clothing (such a deal! )and not enough well thought out purchases.

As for the shoe sorting VS the rest. You have several fun things listed there--I think you just do what is more rewarding or pleasant and I can't see anything wrong with that!!! Nothing that fun about shoe sorting in itself. If you really care to get some space cleared out it will be rewarding. Till then...

(By the way I am full of unused advice and bossiness now that my kids are very teenaged...)

Ric is ADD and several of the members of his family also. Ric was never diagnosed as a child not sure any of them were back then. He was considered not too bright in school and moved into the shop classes not quite college material. He quit school at 17 and joined the military where he got his GED and started some college courses before his classmates even graduated from HS. I gave up years ago trying to keep up with him. I remember when we were first living together I would have finished whatever work I was going to do for the day sitting watching some show and Ric was still working around the house like the energizer bunny. Over the years he learned a few tricks to help him cope and so did I.

It gives me a slow burn to think of ADD/ADHD having disability in the phrase. I hope in my lifetime its changed to Difference. I feel sure that the flexible thinking and ability to learn and shift focus, and then focus at length at times, is an evolutionary advantage that's just not a good fit with institutional learning and living of our modern world.
(there- may I have my Ph.D now?)

sally---

You are right on--of course! Good advice.
I must say that, even though i am aware of it, I never look at my time
spent doing whatever as MONEY. I DO agree with the concept...

Now--I AM aware that i hate cleaning and all that goes with it, and I often
"escape" it by going shopping. KACHING!----there goes $100......
Since I have no one else to "do for"--I treat myself to doing what I like to do.
The "thrill" is in finding something really nice for 50% off....Even if it is food...

I fully realize that this is dysfunctional....I get so frustrated looking around my house
and seeing ALL these things that I just "had to" buy---and they haven't
been moved since then.

In my BR corner--there is a floor to ceiling shelf--about 30" wide.
It is full of all kinds of things I got for a bargain to be used in case I need a gift
for someone--sometime....
The sad thing is when that time comes--nothing seems to be just the
right thing. Drawers full of things--mostly candles...

The top shelf in one of my closets is full of books and 'gifts" too...

I recognize this as a life-long problem --and it bugs me--but seems i am
helpless NOT to do it...

Hey! This is almost better than being on the Dr. Phil show...
Very cleansing to admit all this...

Gotta get ready for work! See you all tonight....

Gita

LOL Gita, I asked Ric not to buy many groceries this month so we could use up some of the things we already have. So he has been doing "shopping lite". I will admit that we have some old things in the freezer got buried and forgotten, but most of what is there gets used. Not to mention that I wanted some extra $$ this month to order plants.
I don't have ADD but I seem to have CRS Can't Remember S**t. Sometimes I wonder which of us is worst Ric or I. LOL
Jamie has ADD he didn't have the Hyperactivity thank goodness but he was a challenge as a child and I remember thinking what will ever happen with this child. Will he be able to keep a job, work to support himself how will he ever function as an adult. All my worries for nothing. I remember after he got married he decided to stop taking his meds and he has done well without them. It is funny though sometimes Deb will complain about something and I will think. Yeah that's because he doesn't take meds any more. LOL

My ADD is self-diagnosed....

There was an article on Adult ADD and a questionaire
to fill out--"yes" or "No".
Out of the 12 questions--I scored 9 as "yes"...and
decided that I must have ADD. Everything just "fit"...
It sure opened my eyes to know that adults can have this too.
I always thought only kids have it....

One thing that I know about myself is that:
ALL jobs/assignments/must do's, etc. carry the same importance
in my mind....Multi-tasking is not my thing because of this,
as I need to attend to all of it....dfinish it all if I start and so on.

That is, probably, why I am so distressed about all the unfinished
projects I have started---all those crafts sitting in all the boxes
on all the shelves....started--but never finished...

I could also kick myself for not taking a day I am off and
getting to cleaning up the house--at least starting to.
The "avoidance" I practice--by pretending that something
else is more important--or something HAS TO BE cooked--
or I just "hve to"go shopping...UGH!!!

When gardening season starts--it will be a lot worse....

Then there is this HUGE feeling of guilt that I will saddle my girls
with having to do all this after I die. I simply MUST try harder
to do it now. Talk about motivation.....Yeah! Right!

This is where having another person in my life would help,
We could do things together--kind of mutually dealing with
all the ups and downs....


On the positive side--because my mind never rests--
I am quite resourceful and have pretty good ideas....
A small silver lining.....

Gita

It would be really helpful and more fun with a buddy. A buddy can nudge one into more realistic asessments of the stuff to weed out. I often have the urge to nudge DH into tossing something LOL but then he'd get revenge on me LOL

Gita, I wonder what one of the girls would say of you opened it up--like " Gee I have been trying to get motivated to donate ____/ throw out ___, I know you won't want to deal with it. But its hard for me." Her answer might give you a push, or relieve you if she says Don't sweat it.
After all. what's a dozen pairs of shoes for them to clean out? "Do i like them , do they fit, no, into a bag."

The kind of mild to moderate ADD sort of things many of us notice are something we can generally cope with and have some benefit as you pointed out.


As for overbuying on food, keeping lots in the freezer- that really understandable in terms of your disrupted childhood.

Thanks, Sally!

You know me well and are always most supportive...
I do appreciate that!

G.

We deal with family members here with ADD. A struggle for sure.

I like Sally's idea of picking a spot and asking your girls for help with it. We find that it helps that overwhelming feeling that leads to avoidance if we start in one particular place. We also like using boxes since they stay open and don't collapse like bags. Frustrating. I'll make a pile for donations, one for the trash, and one for keeping. Donations then get a bit of sorting...old towels and bedding for the SPCA, another pile for clothes/books, etc for Goodwill. I think this past year we donated enough to make us feel really great about the effort:) Better than giving gifts!

When Jamie was little we would tell him to clean his room and it was too much for him so we would break it up into easier groups. Like pick up all your cars then all your leggos. It was a bit of a game finding just the cars of course there was a lot of playing with those toys before they got put away. I still find dividing jobs into groups or areas an easy way for me to become more organized.

Both right on! One little defined job does not intimidate like ''a whole basement full.''

Some other tips I'd highlight from Holly/Jamie example:

H realized that "clean your room " was too vague to be doable if only because one person's clean is another person's still not clean. So many power struggles here living up to someonelse's standards or expectations or whims and inconsistently applied consequences for doing so. Many of us would not love to garden if we were told to clean up our gardens or match the HOA rules committee inspections.

So, Holly broke it down for J. Anyone could see that all the cars were put away, all the books were on the book shelf or, alternatively that the floor and under the bed was cleared of objects that would get caught in the vacuum.

And, Holly made it fun, a game , that was fun in the process. And picking up the cars kept J focusing on the next car , task at hand, training his attention and focus and laying down those neural pathways for the future. without a lot of emotional baggage.

And, Holly and Ric partnered with Jamie not stood over him , teaching him how to do things and that cleaning up was as much fun as making a mess and that they both were manipulating the world which is how we all learn in a real life Kindergarten!

oops

This message was edited Feb 11, 2011 6:23 PM