Sharing your home

Hughesville, MO(Zone 5a)

I thought I had posted this this morning but I guess I didn't do something right.

You have to be very careful about sharing your home. NEVER take in a stranger. Always get references and make sure there is someone to check up on you 2 - 5 times daily until you really feel safe. Make sure the 2 of you share at least some interests so you can have conversations and maybe even do things together.

Work/talk out finances well in advance. With many people a contract would be good.

In my case, Geraldine is 83 years old, not much danger there, a friend for many years with lots of the same interests. I will have help taking care of her. LOTS of help I think for a few weeks anyway.

GOD bless each and all of you.

Moss Point, MS(Zone 8b)

It sounds like you've got a great plan and I hope you'll be very comfortable together.

My list of pros and cons is entirely different. It is amazing how even a little thing like changing a light bulb is a big deal. I need somebody to do the shopping, with their own car, run a few other errands like the bank or post office.

Somebody that worked all day and went to bed early would suit me. Or the night shift routine. I'm selfish with my time and there's never enough of it already.

I think I could make nice and avoid bothering the person very much. I don't mind cleaning up the kitchen but don't want to have to cook all the time. In the spring and summer I don't even come in the house til dark. There are so many little details that would need to be worked out.

Anyway do you think there's any chance that somebody like that exists? A man or a woman would do. I've been interviewing prospective rental tenants for 20 years and never did get good at it. In this state if you give somebody the key to the house, you have to go to court if they don't volunteer to leave. I feel like I need to try but the potential trouble is just mind boggling.


(Zone 9a)

I was VERY worried until I read that Geraldine is 83. :)

I doubt if it is ever a good idea for a woman to let a stranger into her home.

Too many weirdoes out there. :(

St. Louis County, MO(Zone 5a)

We have taken in young adults from church, those who are going to school, working and have to live on their own for whatever reason they can't live with their parents. It has worked nicely as they are very busy and mostly use our house for bed, bath and laundry. They know from the start that one infraction of our strict rules, and they will find their belongings on the porch. Plus we love having younger people around now and then when we need muscles, lol.

We don't have a curfew as I have learned young people live much of their life after we go to bed because they work nights if they go to school during the day, or vice/versa. But no drinking/drugs/sex/smoking or overnight friends without asking first. With cell phones, they don't get calls on our number. They get a post office box for mail. We include them in meals if they let me know they will be "home". I'm a simple cook so adding more noodles or potatoes isn't a problem. They keep the bathroom clean or else! I'm not the maid, haha.

Moss Point, MS(Zone 8b)

Cathy please give yourself a hug from me. I think you're a saint for giving young people a chance. Memories of myself and my kids just make me shudder at the idea of me trying it. I don't mean to be age discriminate, but I had been thinking middle aged. Maybe age doesn't matter but rather the individual's character and willingness to make it work.

Your description is exactly what I want with the addition of a little help here and there. Your ideas about maid service, cooking and bad habits are right on. Do you make them sign an agreement? Leafladies' points about finance and security are also right on. Does your church sponsor these folks in anyway such as screening? The only organizations I know of here locally that might have a referral program deal with folks having substance abuse problems/recovery and mental disabilities. That's just not a good option for me. Maybe the domestic violence shelter. Any any other ideas?

Milton, MA(Zone 6a)

The thought of my HUSBAND came immediately to mind - and I probably won't get to post the whole story. we've been together ten years,, married seven+ . We both were out of horrible marriages. He is my primary caretaker so I never feel I can thank him enough, but he is my husband so I never feel I can be too fussy or he might give up on me. i know he wouldn't --- but some things aren't worth fighting over. But are others? Are any? I have to have some standards, or I would never brush my teeth! x, C

Moss Point, MS(Zone 8b)

Yes Carrie, some things are worth fighting over. Even in a "perfect" marriage there's always something. There's always the need to pick your battles very carefully though. I know being handicapped has made my feelings much more fragile in many ways but far less reactive because it is too much to expect a "normal" person to always mindful of my special needs or perspective. I find myself really over analyzing voice tones, body language, facial expressions etc., bending over backwards to make nice so I won't be perceived as too needy or demanding.

I think we all have our limits and without standards we can't have any self esteem.

Milton, MA(Zone 6a)

Yup, agreed. "we all have our limits and without standards we can't have any self esteem."

x, C

This message was edited Jan 18, 2008 12:50 PM

Hughesville, MO(Zone 5a)

Cathy, GOD bless you for taking in those college kids. It is a real opportunity to minister to so many of their needs.

St. Louis County, MO(Zone 5a)

Thank you, but they blessed me more, they truly did.

Hughesville, MO(Zone 5a)

End of day one. It was stressful for the morning until she got here but relaxed after a while. Now she is in bed and going to sleep.

GOD bless and keep each of you.

St. Louis County, MO(Zone 5a)

Bless you both & remember to ask for and take help. Hugs, C4

Moss Point, MS(Zone 8b)

I made a move today and I'm hoping it wasn't dumb. I have a tenant that's been renting a mobile home space from me for 5 years. He has never been late until this month but he called about 10 days ago and told me when he'd have it. I don't mind a bit working with a tenant like that who has a solid track record. Also there have been 2 problems that he has taken care of reasonably which spared me having to call a plumber and electrician.

So I know he holds a job, pays his bills, is handy and never a complaint from his neighbors who are also my tenants. He came to the house to hand me the rent because he didn't want me to have to wait for the mail. It was pouring rain so I let him in. He explained that he no longer lived with his wife but would keep paying her rent. He was very apologetic for being late and explained his hours had been cut. (I've heard that from several others this month) I said something in commiseration and asked if he had an apartment.

The gist of it is that he has another woman and the wife kicked him out. He told about renting from a slum lord that hasn't yet fixed a broken window and several other things as he'd promised before he moved in. I know of the guy and he never fixes anything. I fished around for how much $. I thought OMG, I'd be tickled with half that. I explained that I'd been thinking of renting a room but hadn't really decided. He said he'd be very interested.

I told him to check back in a week. He's about 35 I'd guess. He says he needs all the work he can get, and during the week would come in for a shower and go to bed. Just music to my ears. I wouldn't expect it to last long because he'd probably go back with the wife or the other one full time. He doesn't smoke. I'd be very worried to have somebody here smoking in bed. It's a giant step to think about.

This seems to be another of those mysterious happenings in my life lately. For more of the story, see the Prayer Forum, the thread titled My Prayer Miracle. I'd very much appreciate it if you folks would pray that I'm guided through this.

Leaflady I hope you both have a restful night and that you both can settle into this new arrangement easily. I hope you'll keep posting so we'll know how it's going for you.

Hughesville, MO(Zone 5a)

Twiggy, I will certainly keep this matter in my prayers. Since you seem to know him fairly well & have for some time, you should be safe. However, I would have someone check in on you in just a friendly visit every couple of days. It's a safety net so to speak.

I went to church this morning. Linda was here to take care of Geraldine. They both ate lunch, bathed her, and gave her the noon meds. I did her breathing treatment(2 vials of med poured into a breathing machine) & then we got her back to a lying down(?)position.I think she is asleep now.

Now I'm eating lunch. 2/3 cup of homemade chicken & rice and 1/2 slice of ww bread. I'll have some fruit later.

GOD bless and keep each of you.

Moss Point, MS(Zone 8b)

Leaflady, give us a report. How has your week been? Have there been any unforseen problems?

My prospective tenant didn't show up or call this weekend. I had decided to go with it and am a little disappointed. His wife's rent will be due by next weekend so maybe I'll find out what the matter is.

Hughesville, MO(Zone 5a)

So far, so good. Hospice is helping with her bath and bed changes twice a week at least & we have yet to work out when they will come in and give us time off. I was thinking that if they can come on Fridays for 4 hours to let her go & take care of her pets and see her BF and then come on Sunday mornings so she could be off most of the day that would be great. Then she can be here when I go to town once a week to buy critter feed, pick up meds, go to the food banks, etc.She was able to take a couple prescriptions in to the pharmacy for me yesterday and I'll pick it up maybe Sat.

I'm sorry yours didn't work out, Twiggy. Just remember to be very careful who you let live with you. We are already more vulnerable than many people because of our physical limitations so fighting back in case of an attack is almost impossible for us.

GOD bless and keep each of you.

Milton, MA(Zone 6a)

Leaflady, I'm sorry, I've been sort of just hooing I would "get it" but I don't, not yet at least. Who is taking care of whom? Or is it going both ways? Mutual Aid Society? xx, Carrie

Hughesville, MO(Zone 5a)

Linda & I are taking care of Geraldine who is 83 & bedfast.

Hospice is coming to help take care of Geraldine too. Hopefully they will give both Linda & I more time off to leave the place and let me go to town.

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