Holidays

A woman goes to the Post Office and asks for Christmas stamps.
The clerk asks "What denomination?"
She says "Now it has come to this? Well, six Baptist, five Lutheran, three Methodist, one Jehovah's Witness..."

The mother of a very large family goes to the grocey trying to find a very large turkey. She asks the clerk "Do these get any larger?"
He replied "No ma'am, they're dead."