Dilemma of a newbie to sustainable alternatives

In the last year or so I've started getting much more aware of the lack of sustainability in my life, and trying to find ways that I can do better, that my husband will actually do and not just gripe about, and that will work for a busy family with 2 very little kids. One thing I'm having trouble figuring out is the balance between using biodegradable disposables vs. reusable items that will need to be cleaned. We live in a desert, in a drought, and water is obviously a very key issue. A perfect example is dinner napkins. I grew up in a house where the norm was those flimsy paper napkins at every meal. Now, for a family of 4, with little kids who need lots of cleaning, we can go through a LOT of those. But the alternative is, do an extra load of laundry a week of nothing but cloth napkins. The paper ones degrade (and I'm guessing pretty rapidly at that), and don't use groundwater (which is mainly what our city runs on), but are still a disposable item which philosophically I'd prefer to avoid if it makes the best sense.

So how do I figure out what a good balance is? Any suggestions/advice/input? And was this post even coherent?
Thanks!