Why won't you answer me?!?!?!??

RE the idea of a group becoming "exclusive"' I've felt that on forums as well (not yet at DG, though!), when I post what I think is a salient, well thought out comment and everyone ignores it entirely. I subscribe to the "love me or hate me, but don't ignore me" school of forum behavior. If you agree, I love to hear it. If you don't, at least you know I'm alive, but if you ignore me, I feel totally unwelcome and will not participate. Make sense?

Makes sense.

Makes sense to me. It's hard to break into some cliques on DG. They go on with their banter like you aren't even there and probably consider you as a minor distraction (like a gnat).

Oh well, there are plenty of other forums that seem to appreciate anyone and every one's input.

Pod, you are very right about the familiarity can make it feel exclusive, like we are cutting others out. I try to keep the "inside jokes" to private d-mails. I do not want someone, ANYONE to feel unwelcome. Thanks for the reminder.

LariAnn, yes... no response can have me thinking a few different things... "what am I? chopped liver? Or hello? am I invisible??" LOL, but I am inclined to think that is about "my stuff" and not really about "them". It is nice to be here on DG enough to start to recognize names and personalities.

Take care all...

Come over to the "Coffee" threads on Parking Lot forum. All are welcome & even visit each other in person & trade real live puppies!

Current for today,
http://davesgarden.com/community/forums/t/774758/

Bernie

HCMC, you and I posted at same time it seems. Do you find that certain forums are friendlier? Do you see any kind of pattern? I'm just curious.

CG, I've seen that and wished I had some more "local" people here. I am going to get together with another gal that is here in Idaho that I "met" on DG. It just seems the gardeners are little more wide spread "out here".

MaryE is from Oregon & is on now & then.
She traveled to the Kentucky Round Up a couple weeks ago.

WOW!! the Kentucky Round up??? That is a long ways to go! Did she have family in the area to visit with I wonder. So I guess there is hope ... I'll just have to find a way to do some "searches" for more DGers in my part of the country.

To get us back to the topic at hand, it appears to me that vossner put some thought into the 1,2,3's of possible solutions. I'm guilty of ignoring the question sometimes even when I know the answer, just because I'll sound stupid or use my tendency to phrase things in a way that sounds frosty. Usually, however, I don't know the answer

I think the Solution #3 in the first post is best, and I, for one, will try to start doing that. Posting to a link where the person can find the answer is a good idea, along with a smile and a "Happy Gardening" line. :-)

Over 400 views now.

psychw2,

Yes, I find some forums friendlier than others. Maybe it's just my perception. Anyway if you have something to add, then just jump in there. If they ignore you, don't let it bother you but continue adding your comments if you feel like it adds something. Eventually someone may acknowledge your input (or not).

Garden forums seem more neutral than general discussion forums (some can get quite heated).

A lot of times I click on "unwatch thread" if it gets too personal (chit chat between two or three persons) or becomes excessively boring.

interesting thread...looks like it is showing us the dynamics of threads on daves garden:) ohhhhh vooooosssssss nnner

I have to say that I've "popped in" to several Regional Forums where I don't know anyone, in the last few months.

I usually start by "oooing and awwwing" over some plant or thing that I don't see in my own area. I've found it a good way to introduce myself to a new group. I have never encountered any group that were unfriendly or unresponsive.

I hope I never, personally, make someone feel invisible or unwanted-but, unfortunately, I may have already done so, at some point. I sure never intended to do so, however.

I think, collectively, we have a wonderfully friendly and diverse group, from all round the globe!
Three cheers for Dave's Garden!

Sasha

Hear, Hear!

Lori, (McGlory),
You can answer anything & not sound stupid! Anyone that can write an article for Dave's has a gift!
To everyone else, I met this great gal & her hubby at Iowa Round Up a couple of years ago. Great people. In fact everyone I have met from Dave's are great!

Have a Great Day!
Bernie

Oh, now, Bernie.... SHEESH!

We adore you guys too.

Hi guys look I really am an outsider ha ha ha .....all the way from Australia ....I have never felt unwelcome except once (....and I did not take it personally....:)
No one owns any threads and though it may seem like someone is ignored I am sure it is never meant that way.......there are a lot of things going on in daves garden and a lot of folk to talk to ...sometimes as specially on a busy day you can't do everything you would like to do.....don't be shy ....I just wandered in anywhere I felt interested I have loved the experiences....don't be shy *smile*
we are all here for the love of gardening....it is what makes us all friends and mates together. I urge any lurkers to join in!
chrissy

Welcome Aussie Chrissy!! I would love to see some your garden pics and know more about what YOU garden there! What zone etc? What are the things you grow that are unique to Australia?

don't ya just hate it when someone posts a thread and then forgets all about it? lol

I am over in the tropical forum...(an adopted dreamer ).....also comfort foods in recipes....well all over really everywhere......try different plant names and sayings in garden talk.....you can certanly see where I have been....I think our missing V is over in the recipe forum at the moment talking about dipping oil....nice to meet you and the others p *smiling*

Ya Len, I don't even feel bad if this thread gets hijacked now!

well in defense of voss....she normally is around ALL the time; in fact i am kinda worried that she wasn't here by now.....
vooooossssssnnnneeeerrrrrr :)

i think she done #4 on the list, ignore this thread and go nursery shopping! lol!

i think i saw her on the rose forum.

when?

If it is the same V she is in the recipe forum :)

i am going to go find that gurl:)

never mind it was the 22nd.

Is this the missing v ?
http://davesgarden.com/community/forums/t/773992/

hope you find her :)

yes it is her....ohhhh vosssssss:)

i think she has a belly ache from that jalapeno olive oil. lol

yall are so goofy:)

Just read this thread, and Vossner had some good points...as do you all. Since I was the original pleader, begger, pest and general whine merchant that got the Tropical Gardening Forum started, I felt kind of proprietay about it, and would welcome all new posters as soon as I saw them. Kind of like a host at a party. Well it has now become waaay to big for that, but I still find myself welcoming new voices when I notice them, and I check daily to see any new posts...if it is a question that I cannot answer, I generally say so, and also assure the questioner that someone much more knowledgable about the subject than myself will be along soon to help. I do that because when I was new, I was ignored a few times and it made me feel like my question was too elementary to be bothered with. Don't want to make others feel that way. Yes, we get chatty and silly and way OT at times, but that is what makes this so much more than just another botanical web site. I wouldn't trade my time in DG for any number of plants! It's the people here that make it special.

Makes sense to me LariAnn...

Sasha, I find the regional forums quite charming to newcomers.... at least all I have visited. OTH, I find the "plant" specific forums to be a bit high brow, maybe even arrogant to newcomers.

edited to add a generic question....
Is it the responsibility of the "thread weaver" ~ the DGr that started the thread to keep it going? To do the greeting? The steering? Is it the weavers' fault if it dies?

reply 73 views 563

This message was edited Sep 27, 2007 8:01 PM

This message was edited Sep 27, 2007 8:54 PM

I figure if people are still talking, the thread is still alive. Maybe Vossner just wanted to get us all thinking about it. It worked.

I guess I don't think it's the "responsiblity" for anyone to keep a thread alive or welcome a newcomer. I think who ever hangs out in that forum, and sees a newcomer should welcome the Newbie. In a sense I think it is EVERYBODY's responsibility to see that all people feel welcome.

Chrissy, one of the gals from the coffee thread was in Australia this summer. She is from Canada & they were there for a concert. She plays a viola. She posted some nice pictures of your lovely country.
So it's just one big go around here at Dave's.
Bernie

Incidentally Psychw2 ~ on that note, you can access all the DG members in your area, searching by state or zipcode if I remember.

Yes, on the upper right of this page you will see member list. Go there & you can search your state, or other states, or by planting zone, & various other ways.
There will be a highlighted line when you go to a state page that says "view subscribers only". Click on that to get people you can communicate with.
Bernie

greetings everyone!

After reading every single post, I can say with complete confidence that none of us likes being ignored. It is hurtful, annoying and/or puzzling. As mature individuals, we know the universe doesn't revolve around us, yet we crave attention in varying degrees and it upsets us when we don't get it.

Lately I had been noticing way too many threads with zero replies. It bothered and embarrased me; I wondered if others felt the same way. Based on the replies/views it seems this was a matter than concerned you also. I have enjoyed listening to this discussion. Thank you everybody for sharing your ideas. Many thoughts were posted which I hadn't even considered. Based on your input, this is what I will do from here on:

If I am being IGNORED
a) I will be patient and give people 1-2 days to respond. I will consider my timing: did I post late at night? during busy gardening season? etc.
b) I will write as complete a question as I can. Not cryptic but not a novel either. Other people's time is as valuable as mine.
c) I will research on my own, either within this site or using one of the search engines (google, yahoo, etc)
d) and most importantly, I will not take the silence as a personal offense. People are busy; there's no conspiracy against me.
e) if none of the above will do, I will go plant shopping

If I'm the IGNORER
a) I will remember the many times I posted a question and there was at least one kind soul, usually more, who were more than happy to help. I will thank them by paying it forward .
b) If the question is a FAQ and I don't want to repeat myself, I will post a link to previous discussions.
c) If I see a thread that goes unanswered over 2 days, I will make time to acknowledge this person somehow. Maybe getting additional info if question is unclear, suggesting a better forum in which to ask, etc.
d) if none of the above will do, I will go plant shopping

We can't help it if sometimes we're ignored or if sometimes we ignore someone. But we can aim for a balance so we're not too much of one or the other.

PS: I hope I'm not imagining this but I believe that last week the "zero" reply threads have decreased. If this discussion inspired anyone to be a little more attentive, then I'm happy as a clown and I hope you will be happy too. Have a great weekend and thanks for your input, I greatly value it.