Hey everyone. I need your input. I've been invited to my cousin's daughter's High School Graduation party. I only see them at family functions [weddings/funerals] and the daughter never socializes with anyone. Instead she brings homework or a book to read. I'm not even sure she knows my name. I have other cousins that I am close with and we socialize all the time. We used to include her and her family and they would gladly come or ask when the next party was, but they would never reciprocate so we stopped including them [except for the functions mentioned above]. They have lived in their current house for about 20 years and this will be the first invitation! My cousins and I are shocked! It is definitely the buzz in my family at the moment. Anyway, with that history, what do you think is a decent monetary gift? Suggestions have been $20? I'm at a loss - do you think that is too little? Should I go up to $30 or $40? HELP! Don't be shy - I need honest answers..thanks :)
Graduation gift idea
Wow - that's tough - and awkward. Maybe you should give them a gift that must be picked up at the NEXT family function!!
Even with the weird history, I would say $20 is low. I would be inclined to favor the $40 range.
I would go with $20-$25.00 as it sounds like the reason for the invite is to benefit her college fund. I had the same situation last year. A relative that I have seen maybe 4X in 18 years invited us to a Grad. Party and the invitation said "no gifts, or gift cards.....money only please." How's that for blunt!!
Ouch. I would not even have attended that one.
The reason I suggested the higher amount is that the anti-family behavior was the cousin's doing, not the child's. And who knows, maybe a more generous gift will thaw things a bit. Maybe not.
I have been through these family situations. My Mom is the youngest of 15. I have over 40 first cousins and who knows how many seconds. We had a situation where most of my Mother's family was not speaking with her. I decided to invite them all to my wedding as a way to end the nonsense. When they heard this they all acted excited and said they were looking forward, etc. I went ahead and booked the larger hall. Then as the invitation deadline approached, they suddenly came back in droves - all NO. Needless to say I was livid and wrote a nasty letter to a number of them.
I was still not happy with that situation and felt bad about the letter so I made one more attempt at a peace offering. The ladies were all invited to my wife's baby shower. This time they all did come and we've been a family again ever since. We've had annual reunions every year since.
This message was edited Jun 16, 2007 3:45 PM
It's what you can afford. If you can afford it, I agree with Victor. (Not that you'ld have to pay me to agree with Victor, oh, you know what I mean)
You can pay me to agree with me if you want.
LOL Thanks for the input
I think I'd go with a gift instead of cash. I've always hated the thought that people compare what guests gave and it seems so crass to me.
Maybe earrings, a little jewelry box, a favorite book on a subject she enjoys, something for her lifestyle or something for college - a laundry bag, detergent, and a sock bag, etc. Yes, we have done the laundry bag thing for one girl!
also good ideas - thanks Arlene
I like the laundry bag idea. How about a gift certificate to a bookstore? Something that might actually contribute to education?!
It's always a good idea to give bookstore certificates. This way she'll have a book to read while the wash gets done.
I think that is a very good idea - thanks
You could buy a nice pair of golden earrings, too, for the same $40.00. Years from now she might recall you gave her the earrings but might have a hard time remembering exactly what she spent the money on.
I think the book store idea is perfect
Me, too.