Don't bring the house plants in

This one has been around a long time but still funny to read

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a
recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to
protect them from a possible freeze.
It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in
one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and
the wife saw it go under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran naked into the living room
to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under
the sofa.
He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.
About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the
behind.
He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on
the floor.

His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told
him to lie still and called an ambulance.

The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests and loaded
him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.

About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the
Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the
stretcher.

That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the
hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she
called on a neighbor man.

He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a
rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he
decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

But while relaxing, she dangled her hand in between the cushions,
where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted and
the snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use
CPR to revive her.

The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the
grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and
slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned
goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp so that he needed
stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her
neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she
assumed that he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the
kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the
man's throat.

By now the police had arrived.

They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that
a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all,
when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little
green snake.

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and
his sobbing wife.

The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa.
One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it.
He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table
fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it
started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through
the window into the yard on top of the startled family dog who,
jumped out and raced into the street where an oncoming car swerved to
avoid the dog and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, the burning drapes were seen by the neighbors who
called the fire department.
The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when they
were halfway down the street.

The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the
electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city
block area. (But they did get the house fire out).

Time passed and both men were discharged from the hospital, the
house was repaired, the dog came home, the police were issued a new car,
and all was right with their world.
Several days later they were watching TV and the weatherman
announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

That's when he shot her.