exerpts from our pet's diary

> Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:
>
>8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
>9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
>9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
>10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
>12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
>1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
>3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
>5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
>7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
>8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
>11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
>
>Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:
>
>Day 683 of my captivity:
>
>My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
>dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
>hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
>rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep
>up my strength.
>
>The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to
>disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.
>
>Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I
>had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
>demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
>comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!
>
>There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed
>in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could
>hear
>the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to
>the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it
>to
>my advantage.
>
>Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
>tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
>again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.
>
>I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
>The
>dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to
>be
>more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!
>
>The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the
>guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
>have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe
>.... for now.