SUMMARY OF THE PAST YEAR ON MY COMPUTER
>
>
> I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop
> in the glue on envelopes because I now use a wet towel with
> every envelope that needs sealing.
>
>
> Also, now I scrub the top of every can I open for the same
> reason.
>
>
> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl
> (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the
> 1,387,258th time.
>
>
> I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
> receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending
> me for participating in their special e-mail program.
>
>
> I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
> looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every
> wish.
>
>
> I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
> mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
>
>
> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell
> like a water buffalo on a hot day.
>
>
> I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an
> email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
>
>
>
> I no longer drink Coca Cola because I've learned that it can
> remove toilet stains.
>
>
> I no longer buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the
> car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm
> pumping gas.
>
>
> I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make
> these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on
> their cans.
>
>
> I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes
> cancer.
>
>
> I now know that I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore
> because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.
>
>
> I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could
> be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
>
>
> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me
> with a perfume sample and rob me.
>
>
> I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are
> actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
>
>
> I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't
> support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
>
>
> I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial
> a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,
> Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
>
>
> I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I
> receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
>
>
> I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now
> have their recipe.
>
>
> Thanks to my many internet friends, I can't use anyone's toilet
> but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the
> seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
>
>
> And thanks to the great advice, I will never pick up $5.00 I
> dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there
> by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
>
>
> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the
> next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your
> head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will
> infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this
> will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next
> door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
> beautician...
>
>
> Have a wonderful day....
>
> PS: A South American scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy
> study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and
> s activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
>
>
> Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late. .
>
>
> yep
>
> I will send my mouse along with this e-mail so I don't get caught again........
>
>
>
what learned about from computer
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