You've probably already seen this... horsey humor....

The Horse Manual of Appropriate Behaviour

SNORTING: Humans like to be snorted on. Everywhere. It is you duty, as the family horse, to accommodate them.

NEIGHING: Because you are a horse, you are expected to neigh. So neigh - a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting the barn and communicating with other horses. Especially very late at night.

STOMPING CATS: When standing on cross ties, make sure you never --- quite --- stomp on the barn cat's tail. But keep stomping.

CHEWING: Make a contribution to the architectural industry.... chew on your stall wall, the fence or any other wooden item.

BEDDING: It is good manners to urinate in the middle of your freshly bedded stall to let your humans know how much you appreciate their hard work.



Feel free to add any of your own rules...

DINING: Always pull all of your hay out of the hay rack, especially right after your stall has been cleaned, so you can mix the hay with your fresh bedding. This challenges your human, the next time they're cleaning your stall - and we all know how humans love a challenge (that's what they said when they bought you as a two-year-old, right?).

DOORS: Any door, even partially open, is an opportunity for you and your human to exercise. Bolt out of the door and trot around, just out of reach of your human, who will happily chase you. The longer it goes on, the more fun it is for all involved.

HOLES: Rather than pawing and digging a big hole in the middle of the paddock or stall and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over. They won't notice this if you carefully arrange little piles of dirt. There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.

GROUND MANNERS: Ground manners are very important to humans; break as much of the ground in and around the barn as possible. This lets the ground know who's boss, and impresses your human.

NUZZLING: Always take a BIG drink from your water trough immediately before nuzzling your human. Humans prefer clean muzzles. Be ready to rub your head on the area that you just nuzzled to dry it off, too.

PLAYING: If you lose your footing while frolicking in the paddock, use one of the other horses to absorb your fall so you don't injure yourself. Then the other horse will get a visit from the mean ol' vet, not you!

VISITORS: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of horses. Rock back and forth on the cross-ties, neighing loudly and pawing playfully at this person. If the human backs away and starts crying, advance swiftly, stamp your feet, and neigh louder to show your concern.