How many of these did you hear growing up?
I heard at least 12...Hope you get a good chuckle out of them anyways!
Things My Mother Taught Me
by unknown
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning the house!"
My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't sort yourself out, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week"
My mother taught me LOGIC - "Because I said so, that's why."
My Mother taught me LOGIC...#2 - "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the shops with me."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your dinner!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen THEN?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!">
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION - "Just wait until we get home."
My Mother taught me about RECEIVING - "You are going to get it when we get home!"
My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE - "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to stick that way."
My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD - "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."
My Mother taught me ESP - "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"
My Mother taught me HUMOR - "When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT - "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
My Mother taught me about GENETICS - "You're just like your father."
My Mother taught me about my ROOTS - "Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE - "When you get to be my age, you will understand."
And my all time favorite... JUSTICE - "One day you'll have kids ...and I hope they turn out just like you!"
Things My Mother Taught Me!
That is the best! I think I've heard just about all of them and not just from my mom!! I've even had a few of those pass my lips!
Me too Anita...heard them and have said them! LOL And the last one finally came true...my grandaughter acts just like her Mother!
Ha those were good!
Funny thing is when I was younger I said I would never become like my mom. Well guess what? Now I have 2 little ones of my own and I am more and more like my own mother every day LOL LOL. I guess it isn't a bad thing since I think she is a wonderful woman.
I use the Circle of Life the most, as I remind them I know where they sleep.
That would explain why your kids sleep with their eyes open.
Hmmm is that why my young ones don't sleep?? LOL
one of my Dad's favorites to use now, (now that I have kids), is "The older you get, the wiser I get". Oh how true that is.
I always liked Bill Cosby's 'I brought you into this world and I can take you out....and make another one just like you" doesn't quite fit here, but still funny
I went back and just wanted to post on an older thread.....
Funny!!!
My mom taught me how to make apple pie.
Oh, my....I heard many of those from Mom....now of course, I mother her......
My mother taught me the ultimate answer for all childrens' question of "why". You know it, you love it, you have said it..."Because I said so!" My eldest son admitted to me a while back, much to his consternation, that the phrase had passed through his lips to one of his kids. Got to love the continuity. ^_^
my father was great with "do as i say - not as i do" which eventually led to "why?"
My Mother taught me to "give people flowers while they are still alive". I try to do that as often as possible.
Nice Mom, Memory.....
That is sweet.
Wow - didn't look at the dates and thought this was new! Good ones.