It's a Conspiracy!!

THIS KIND OF STUFF HAS GOT TO STOP IN OUR COUNTRY!

We Must Stop This Immediately!
Have you noticed that Stairs are getting steeper. Groceries are heavier.
And, everything is farther away... Yesterday I walked to the corner and I
was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones.
They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they
just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message
until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the
other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an
old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even
recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this
morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection... Well, REALLY
NOW - even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and
limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them.. All I can
say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them
screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they
suddenly start labelling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they
think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist,
hips, thighs, and bosom?

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in
reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that
dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these
people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on - but
the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too. They've printed the
phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in
here!

All I can do is pass along this warning: We are under attack! Unless
something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these
awful indignities.