Grass!!!

GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world
is going on down there in the U.S.? What in the world happened to the
dandelions, violets, thistles and the stuff I started eons ago? I had
a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of
soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the
long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees, and flocks of
songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of color by now. All I see
are patches of green.

ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. They are
called Suburbanites and they went to great lengths to kill the flowers and
replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But it is so boring; it's not colourful. It doesn't
attract butterflies, bees, or birds, only grubs and sod worms. It's
temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want grass
growing there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it
and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing it and
poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and the warm weather probably makes the grass
grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites very happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it has grown a little,
they cut it, sometimes two times a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it
in bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: No sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now let me get this straight: They fertilize it to make it grow
and when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back
on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and
saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass
stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it
so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a
sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves
in the spring to provide beauty and shade in summer. In the autumn they
fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep the moisture in
the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves
become compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: You'd better sit down, Lord. As soon as the leaves fall,
the Suburbanites rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled
away.

GOD: No way!! What do they do to protect the shrubs and tree roots in
the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing the leaves away they go out and buy
something called mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of
the leaves.


GOD: And where to they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down the trees and grind them up to make mulch.

GOD: Enough!! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint
Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for
us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie
about...

GOD: Never mind -- I think I just heard the whole story from Saint
Francis

LOL,,,that's a good one,,,,,,

*shaking head*

It's funny, it really is, but it's so sad that it is sooo true too.

How dumb are we?

The other one I know that is sort of like this story is: Suburbia, where developers bulldoze the trees to build subdivisions, and then name the streets after the trees they no longer have.

*sigh*

mg

Very Dumb!!!!!!

Oh so true!!!

I thought this sounded familiar...

http://davesgarden.com/forums/t/521570/

LOL!!!

Too funny, Kylee!!! I think I may have posted it before, too!

Jody

Kylee,
I guess great minds think alike,,,,LOL

Kelly

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah! It is always those who relate to the joke that laugh the most. The only difference in my garden is that St Francis would have to tell God that there are a few who after cutting this grass thing stack it in piles and play in it for months until when it stinks give You thanks for giving them such a miracle!

This message was edited Feb 19, 2006 9:40 PM

LOL @ Soferdig!