Terrible stereotyping, but funny non-the- less

From Santa Claus

I regret to inform you that effectively immediately,
I (Santa Claus) will no longer serve any States south
of the Mason-Dixon Line.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the
world my contract was renegotiated by NAE (North
American Elves) local 209. Under the new
contract I have less area of responsibility, better
pay and longer breaks for milk and cookies.

I'm sure your children will be in good hands with my
replacement, Cousin Bubba Claus. Cousin Bubba's family
lives at the South Pole and Bubba is a typical,
pro-life, pro-gun, pro-nuke, anti-UN redneck. He does
however share my love for children and the drive to
deliver presents to all the kids in his area.

There are a few notable differences...

1. There is NO DANGER of the Grinch stealing the
toys from Bubba. Bubba has a gun rack on his sleigh,
and a bumper sticker that reads "These gifts insured
by Smith & Wesson".

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba prefers that
you leave an RC cola and a Moon Pie on the fireplace
for his snack. Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe, but he dips
a little Skoal so you need to have a spitoon handy.

3. Bubba uses floppy eared coon dogs instead of
reindeer to pull the sleigh. I loaned him a couple of
reindeer one year and Blitzens head is now mounted
over Bubbas fireplace. These coon dogs are not named
Comet, Cupid, Donner or Blitzen so instead you will
probably hear Bubba shout "On Earnhardt, on Andretti,
on Elliot and Petty".

4. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced with "Yee Haw",
and the elves can be heard saying "jeet yet?", and
pondering such age old questions as "If you get
married in West Virgina are you still brother and
sister?".

5. As required by southern law, Bubbas sleigh will
be equipped with a Yosemite Sam safety triangle with
the words "Back Off!!!" prominently displayed. The
lead coon hound will be wearing a license plate that
proclaims "forget about the dogs, beware of the
owner."

6. The usual TV fodder, (Miracle on 34th Street and
It's a Wonderful Life) will be replaced with :"Boss
Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit 4"
which features Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens
of State Patrol cars crashing into each other.

7. Bubba wears blue jeans without suspenders so
don't look when he bends over to place the presents
under the tree.

8. This is most important...Bubba will NOT deliver
any gifts to any community that has the unmitigated
gall (big words for stupidity) to try and remove the
name of JESUS CHRIST from the celebration of
CHRISTmas. Bubba knows that Jesus is the reason for
the season and that He should be honored not only at
Christmas but year round.

God Bless

PS: To all of you unfortunate folks that live North of
the Mason-Dixon Line...the people down south extend
thier sincere sympathy.