I'm having difficulty getting my garden put in order this year. It's because of the dreadful weather we've been having. We've had an extremely poor spring out in the UK this year. The weather has been very grey and cold, mostly, and damp. Then we had bad storms, followed by snow.
I was hoping to get out today but didn't make it. The forecast was heavy rain. We had rain this morning. In fact it had dried by lunchtime but when I put my head outside I found it was bitterly cold and very gusty and unpleasant. I ended up going out to do some shopping instead (picked up a couple of storytelling books, one of which is excellent). Could do with getting out in my garden though. The forecast remains poor for the next few days and there is even snow forecast!!!!
To add to my woes I have an elderly neighbour who is bothering me about my garden. This lady is a pensioner, an active one, but someone who has a lot of time on her hands. She's part of a local conservation group. Now, while I applaud the aims of the conservation group, they have been known to make some mistakes, and they do get a lot of people's backs up (including mine). They assume that we all have masses of time to spare and are far too demanding. They are extremely bossy and authoritative. While I might agree with their basic aims I would never join such a demanding group of people. You do really need to be retired to be able to do what they ask.
Anyway this lady has been pestering me. She rang my door earlier this year to ask if she could experiment on my thistles. Yes, sadly I have some thistles. She wanted to try some treatment on them. She said she would also do a spot of pruning for me. At the time it felt harmless, though I knew that I would be cutting back and eliminating these thistles eventually once I had some more time. I've been so busy studying and then jobseeking (trying to keep a roof over my head) that my garden is a bit weedy.
But I felt very pressurised by this woman, and I changed my mind. When I saw her a few days ago I told her I had changed my mind. She wasn't happy. She had a letter to give to me and I put it right back in her hand again and said I didn't want it. So she lectured me about my garden. I've been trying to get out since February but we've had awful weather - not my fault. Then she said I was a hermit. Me, a hermit! I was staggered. That's the last thing I am. I think it's because she doesn't see me around - we don't generally go to the local shops at the same time, for instance. And of course I've been out a lot too, studying at uni and college. I've explained that I've had burglars and I'm extremely sensitive about having people on my property (this was when she said I was a hermit). I DON'T want this woman on my property. She's retired and hasn't a clue that when I work (even though it's from home) and go to college classes and do voluntary work, and job-searching and now trying to get my head round storytelling, that it doesn't leave me with a lot of time to keep my garden perfect.
I live in quite a "spotless" neighbourhood. I love my garden, but I've reconciled myself to the fact that it won't be as perfect and as wonderful as I would like but that it's a low priority at the moment. And of course, with the current poor weather there's very little that I can do about it.
When I got in at the weekend I saw that she had delivered her letter through my letter-box. I read it and to be fair the woman thinks that she is being helpful. She says she wants to be my friend. To be honest it actually sounds quite pitiful.
Any ideas on how I could handle this? The idea of this woman being in my garden is making me quite stressed. The weather forecast for the next few days is poor. We DID have a reasonably fine weekend but I was doing something else. I am just trying to ignore her letter.
Gardening headache
Northerner, you have my sympathy. I'm a bit of a hermit myself so I can relate somewhat to your concerns. Only since you asked, perhaps it would be easier for both of you to work out some kind of understanding rather than have any kind of ongoing animosity. Perhaps you can have a chat in the garden and explain to her that you have a busy schedule and although you would like to have your garden in tip top shape, you're simply not able to accomplish it at this time. Perhaps you could go through the garden with her and give her very specific chores she can work on while you're away from home, and only those chores. No more, no less. If you are kind but firm, it may get some of your work done for you and give her the satisfaction of trying to be helpful and seeing your garden improving at the same time. Of course you will have to be firm in setting boundries about her doing her work only during the times that you specify. But if you think it over and are absolutely sure you don't want her around at all, maybe you can, in turn, write her a letter explaining that you are busier than it might appear to her and you simply prefer to keep your garden private. Your intention is to do what you can with it when you're able, but she simply must allow you to make your own decisions about it and respect your privacy. It would be a shame to have this develop into a case of hurt feelings, misunderstandings and ill will when a kind word and a small chat might be all that are needed to resolve your dilemma. I hope you don't feel I've overstepped with my advice but since you asked for ideas, here are mine. Best to you whatever you decide.
Thank you for your advice Roseone. I'm not a hermit! I'm a chatty friendly sociable person. She's got that all wrong. However, for the past few years a lot of my time has been spend at college and uni as I've been studying there.
There's no question of her coming into my garden though, and definitely not while I'm not in. She's the type that would have a good poke around. She's a very overbearing and bossy person.
This lady is retired. Because she doesn't know my personal circumstances she doesn't know realise that I've been working flat out to find a way to keep a roof over my head. If I don't get more work soon I'll lose my home. I also work from home now. So she may think that I am in and not bothering about things when in actual fact I am trying to earn a living.
There is no way that she'd be a friend. She's been rude to me on occasion. And I don't like her conservation group - they make too many demands on people's time and are quite aggressive. I've been in a conservation group myself - there's a right and a wrong way to go about things.
I've had serious crime at my home in the past. She's making me feel more anxious about that again. She's invading my privacy and my personal space.
I reckon I'm just going to ignore her. Thank you for the advice though.
So sorry Northerner, that you're having to deal with this. I'm sure you can make it clear to her that you prefer to be left alone. Good luck and best wishes in all you do.
Thank you roseone. It looks as if the weather may be starting to improve now. It's sunshine and shadow today and feels a little warmer, still pretty windy though. Hopefully I'll be out again in the garden soon. Unfortunately I have quite a lot of commitments this week. Several appointments - it's all geared up to my finding work. Can't really get out before the end of the week.
This is a stupid and unpleasant woman. She likes organising things. Including people, obviously. Anyway, I've not taken her up on the offer and I've torn up her letter now.
If we'd had better weather this spring I would have been out there and she would have nothing to comment on.
I work from home now. If she thinks that I am at home she may well think that I have time on my hands and should be out in the garden. Just because I'm at home for the day doesn't mean that I have time on my hands to do the garden, or that I am being unfriendly by not "mixing" with the neighbours.
One of my learners is just starting an external assessment and it's the first time that I've been involved with an external assessment. I will need to ask the college for some more advice on how to tackle it.
You do have a problem with your so called neighbors. You could tell her if she doesn't stop bothering you, you will let your yard revert back to what it was before you took care of it! Besides tell her you like the unkempt look! And, if she doesn't like it, and if she lives next to you, She can put up a fence!
Right now, the yard should be the last thing on your priority list when you've got so much going on that is necessary at this time. Doris
Thank you Doris. This is not a next-door neighbour - she lives further down the road. I admit my garden hasn't been looking too beautiful but I'm trying to keep a roof over my head. I've always been a keen gardener but my studying, in the hopes to find work, means that my garden has been a lower priority.
We've had a poor spring so far, otherwise I'd have been out there working in it.
I wonder if this lady thinks I'm retired? I don't see how else she can call me a hermit. And now I work from home too. She may think that I'm at home twiddling my thumbs and being anti-social when in fact I'm doing a job of work.
I don't like this lady at all. Anyway I'm just going to try and ignore the silly old bat. She'd better not get in the habit of sending me these letters though.
What a bother! If she keeps sending letters then, why not just scribble "return to sender" on it and put it back in the mailbox. She will have to pay return postage! hehe. If she calls you a hermit, stare at her and shout, "No! I'm a witch! then you could laugh wildly and walk away. Think that might keep her from coming around? And if she wamts to poke in your gardens, tell her you do not allow anyone in the yard because of the rare plants you use in making potions! (Sorry, now I'm being bad!) Doris
Baaaaad Doris!!!! Her letter was hand-delivered, and I'd already rejected it. She put it in my hand outside my home as I was on my way out. I promptly said "No thank you" and politely put it back in her hand again. When I got home I found it had been put through my letter-box. I've now torn it up.
I spoke to one of my friends at the Riverside College yesterday - she thought the comment about being a hermit was hilarious. "You're the cheeriest hermit I've ever met!" was her response.
I now have a stack of assignments to do for college for this teaching course that I'm on. And the weather has also deteriorated again. Cold and damp. Not suitable for gardening.
This message was edited Apr 14, 2005 5:02 AM
Sounds like you are going to be busy for a while. Spring has barely begun, so the yard won't go anywhere. Too bad for the old bat if she can't stand looking at it! Do you think hanging some garlic around your door might keep her away? (fiendish snicker)
Bad Bad Doris!!! Now I've got to contend with cowboys trying to get work off me as well. Anyway, my lawnmower is off to be serviced now. The side lawn is a bit hairy - I'm hoping that the lawnmower firm can find someone to do a first cut for me. I can tackle the three smalller lawns myself.
Today we are back to grey skies again, cold, and rain forecast. I may just have to live with the flowerbeds for a while. My course ends next month anyway. I then have a three month window to get out there and make it beautiful again. I'll try and do a little bit - to try and keep the peace wit my neighbours. It's likely to be the back though (smaller and easier to control).