Trade in?

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about
trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and
scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but
that's not the worst of it.

My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as
sleek as a little MG; now they look more like my uncle's old Oldsmobile.

My seats are sagging. Seat belts? I gave up all belts when Ben &
Jerry's opened a shop in my neighborhood.

Air bags? Forget it. The
only bags I have these days are under my eyes.

I have soooooo many miles
on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but
when's the last time an appraiser factored life experiences against
depreciation?

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up
close.

My reaction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and
skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are
stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. I'm burning fuel at an alarmingly
inefficient rate.

But here's the worst of it - almost every time I
sneeze, cough or sputter - I leak oil. I'm so ready for a trade in!

Anyone know where I can get a good deal?