THINGS IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. (I wish I had!)

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 21

10. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

11. Your friends love you anyway

12. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

13. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine . . . They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.