HOUSEKEEPING TIPS

1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door
from the inside.

2. If it walks out of your refrigerator, let it go.

3. The best mini-vac for an after meal clean up is the dog.

4. Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.

5. Never make fried chicken in the nude.

6. Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the
vacuum cleaner.

7. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to
start all over again.

8. If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.

9. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

10. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

11. Simplify... hire a maid.

12: My second favourite household chore is ironing. My first being Hitting my
head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

13. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

14. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb,
thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that
the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What?
And spoil the mood?"

15. When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.

16. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the
coffee table and insist that "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter
her ashes..."
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