Soap Opera

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The following letters were taken from an actual incident between
a London hotel and one of its guests. The hotel submitted the
letters to the London Sunday Times for their humor column....
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Dear Maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in
my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please
remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the
medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They
are in my way.

Thank you,
S. Berman
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Dear Room 635,

I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow,
Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the
shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I
took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in
case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I
left today which my instructions from the management is to leave
3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy,
Relief Maid
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Dear Maid,

I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not
tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of
soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had
added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet.
I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have
brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little
Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving,
brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.

S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,

My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel
soaps which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6
soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the
soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine
cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the 3
complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine
cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to
when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of
further assistance.

Your regular maid,
Dotty
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Dear Mr. Berman,

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this
morning that you called him last evening and said you were
unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to
your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past
inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact
me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108
between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.

Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
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Dear Miss Carmen,

It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the
hotel for business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or
6PM. That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You
were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could
do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you
assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since
she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet
along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bath-room
shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of
soap. Why are you doing this to me?

S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,

Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering
soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of
further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8AM and
5PM.Thank you,

Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper
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Dear Mr. Kensedder,

My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken
from my room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late
last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little
Cashmere Bouquets.

S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,

I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap
problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room
since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time
they service a room. The situation will be rectified
immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.

Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager
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Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Who left 54 little bars of Camay in my room?
I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't
want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one bar of bath-size
Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here. All I
want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size
Dial.

S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,

You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them
removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your
soap was missing so I personally returned them. The 24 Camays
which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to
receive daily. I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere
Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had
returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3
daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this hotel
issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size
Ivory which I left in your room.

Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
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Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap
inventory. As of today I possess:

On the shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4
and 1 stack of 2.
On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack
of 3.
On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack
of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1
stack of 2.
In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
On the northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly
used.
On the northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the
stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her
that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I
suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make
an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I
have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping
in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.

S. Berman