Halloween greeting from Dean Koontz's dog, Trixie

I'm on author Dean Koontz's mailing list got this in my e-mail today. Enjoy!


HALLOWEEN MESSAGE FROM TRIXIE KOONTZ, DOG

I, Trixie Koontz, who is dog, wish Halloween 2004 will be your best
ever. Here are my ten wishes for you:

1) May you have celebrity dinner date with Big Foot, and I mean
real Big Foot, not hairy lummox you used to date.

2) May you eat so much free candy, you hurl and hurl like whale
blowing ambergris.

3) When goblin eats your nose, may National Nose Graft Foundation
give you perfect donated nose of dead movie star.

4) If you contract case of flesh-eating virus, may virus eat only
those parts of your body you think unattractive, not eat parts you
think pretty.

5) When evil entity pulls you through vortex into parallel
dimension, may you discover fantastic shopping mall with, like, the
biggest Gap ever.

6) When extraterrestrials abduct you to mother ship and give usual
exam, may they not find anything requiring referral to specialist.

7) If rotting cannibalistic zombies take over world, may you smell
unappetizing to them.

8) If doorbell rings on Halloween and you answer, find burning bag,
stomp out flames, then find little blue bag full of poop all over
shoe—may you not blame me. Am good dog, good. Must be some other
dog, some bad dog, devil dog. Not me. Am good dog, good. Was not
me. No way, Jose. No chance, Lance. Might’ve been cat.

9) If you hear jack-o’-lantern whispering “Kill everyone, kill
everyone,” take it to driveway, run over with car. Go to market, buy
less psychotic species of squash, carve spooky face. Just to be safe,
make sure new squash knows what you did to pumpkin.

10) May you have lots of sausage.


To visit Dean Koontz's Web site, click here:
http://info.randomhouse.com/cgi-bin21/DM/y/ehOE0Gajur0WB0GeV0At