Warning, Read the Label !!!
Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible.
These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods:
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
( Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair! )
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner!
No purchase necessary. Details inside.
( The shoplifter special !? )
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
( and that would be how ? )
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
( But it's 'just' a suggestion ! )
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.
( what are siamese twins to do ? )
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:
( printed on bottom of the box !!! )
Do not turn upside down.
( Too late! You lose ! )
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
( Are you sure??? Let's experiment. )
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
( But wouldn't that save more time ? )
( Whose body ? )
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
( We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents
if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts. )
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
( One would hope! )
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
( Or pets! What's for dinner? )
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
( As opposed to use in outer space. )
On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
( Now I'm curious. )
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
( But no peas ? )
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
( Have a lobotomy )
On a Swedish chain saw:
Do not attempt to stop chain
with your hands or genitals.
( What is this, a home castration kit ? Ouch )
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
( That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief. )
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