New Medications

NEW MEDICATIONS

D A M I T O L - Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to h*** for up to 8 hours.

St. M O M's W O R T - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering Preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N - Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O - Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

D U M E R O L - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ causing enjoyment of country western music.

F L I P I T O R - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.


B U Y A G R A - Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

Extra Strength BUY-ONE-AL - When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying Frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.

J A C K A S S P I R I N - Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T - A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

S E X C E D R I N - More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I Have a headache," syndrome.

R A G A M E T - When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself