Kudzu...a humorous look

COLUMNIST LLOYD OMDAHL : Kudzu is great for gardeners who can't garden


In a few months, it will be spring and time for gardeners to fondle the soil and find out whether or not their green thumbs turned brown when the temperature dropped last winter to 44 below.

Our planting season would start earlier except for the immutable rules imposed on the earth at creation. Apparently, everything must be in balance. If some places on the earth have lofty mountains, other places must be flat; if some places have gentle breezes, others must fight a constant wind; if some places have climate that is warm, others must be cold. Well, North Dakota has it all: flat, windy and cold.

To break the monotony of winter and allay thoughts of suicide, during the March semester break we went to visit kin in Georgia. That's the state where they still are fighting the Civil War and expecting Gen. Grant to surrender any day. At least that's the way their bookstores look.

Georgia is also the state with a governor by the name of Sonny Perdue - a name more fitting for a boxer than a governor. He is proving that experience and wisdom are not required to be governor of Georgia. But then, Minnesota could have told them that.

While in Georgia, I was told about a plant that would be ideal for those busy households with two working adults who would love to garden but have no teenagers to fight weeds. The plant is called kudzu - rumored to be named for Kudzustan, one of the lost provinces of the old Soviet Republic.

To keep the South from washing into the Atlantic Ocean, government agents looked for something with a deep root that would stabilize erodible soil. In the words of a native Georgian: "Kudzu reached out, grabbed hold of the South and saved it." Kudzu is a wonder plant that is indifferent to drought, impervious to bugs and ignorant of fertilizer.

It is a hardy perennial, a fast-growing herbaceous vine that thrives anywhere, from full sun to full shade, with or without the company of Russian, Canadian or other alien thistles. It is a natural for country-raised city people who feel a deep yen to pay homage to the cult of gardening. All they need is one square foot of space to parent a splendiferous garden of kudzu.

Kudzu makes leafy spurge look like a piddling houseplant. Planted in a patch of leafy spurge, it would wipe out that yellow infestation that has been plaguing farmers and ranchers all across the state. In fact, it would be the best hope of eradicating leafy spurge because one of these days, the bugs we imported to eat leafy spurge will discover wheat and that will be the end of their friendship.

Kudzu is rated as a Zone 8 plant, but that's only because nobody has taken it seriously in Zone 3. With a little genetic engineering, it could be adapted to this zone by any creative seed company. If they can come up with a Roundup Ready bean, they should be able to condition kudzu for 40 below zero.

Of course, there is risk when introducing strange flora and fauna into a new area. At one time, the Virgin Island was so overrun by snakes that officials imported mongooses to save them. It worked. The snakes are gone but, unfortunately, the place now is overrun by mongooses. (Yes, "mongooses" is correct.)

If kudzu would flourish in North Dakota, it could save big money for county governments that have fallen heir to dilapidated structures because of nonpayment of taxes. Instead of putting out good tax dollars to raze these old buildings, county commissioners could just plant a couple of kudzu, and within weeks, these eyesores would become lush green mounds of wonderment.

Kudzu growing has its hazards, however, so anyone going into production should plan for liability insurance, primarily because of the Dilby case in Mississippi. It seems that Dilby Weatherford's St. Bernard ran into a two-acre planting owned by Kudzu Experimental Wines and never was seen again. After 45 minutes of deliberation, the jury awarded Dilby $337 million for mental anguish, $35 to be paid by the wine company and the remainder by a nearby McDonald's because an employee saw the dog run into the kudzu and did not call 911.

Until some seed company sees a profit in reconstituting the genetic makeup of kudzu for North Country living, we will have to be content cultivating its next of kin - the beloved zucchini. (At least with kudzu, there would be no need to test friendships with unwanted inedible fruit.)

Omdahl is a former North Dakota lileutenant governor and professor of political science at UND.