TWENTY SPECIAL "SOUTHERNISMS"

1. Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a
hissie fit and a conniption and that you don't "HAVE" them,
-- you "PITCH" them.

2. Only a true Southerner knows how much any fish, collard
greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess"
(as in "a mess" of greens).

3. Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the
general direction of "yonder."

4. Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly"
is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly. (generally
pronounced dreckly)

5. All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some
sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet
substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of
the table.

6. All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is.
They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

7. Only a true Southerner knows instinctively th! at the best
gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a
plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato
salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they
also know to add a large banana puddin')

8. Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference
between "right near" and "a right far (pronounced
"fur")piece." They also know that "just down the road" can
be 1 mile or 20.

9. Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the
difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white
trash.

10. No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with
the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

11. A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a
noun, a verb, or an adverb. (As in, I was fixin to go over
to BettyLou's. Or, we had a huge Christmas dinner with all
the fixins. Or Are you fixin my car next?)

12. Only a true Southerner knows that the ! term "booger" can
be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol'
booger," a first name, or something that jumps out at you in
the dark and scares you senseless.

13. Only true Southerners make friends while standing in
lines. We ! don't do "queues", we do "lines," and when we're
IN, not ON, line we talk to everybody!

14. Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will
discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

15. True Southerners never refer to only one person as
"y'all"... more than three is way more than one, it's "all
y'all".

16. True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to
eat them.

17. Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon,
grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye
gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green
tomatoes are not a breakfast food We recognize milk gravy
when we see it, know what to do with it and wonder! what the
heck you other people eat on your biscuits.

18. When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself
lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine
Southerner!

19. Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk."
Sweet tea indicates it contains sugar and lots of it - we do
not like our tea unsweetened . "Sweet milk" means you don't
want buttermilk.

20. And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities
at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You
just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.