Things I stopped

I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that
it's good for removing toilet stains.



I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on
a needle infected with AIDS.



I smell like a dog since I stopped using deodorants
because they cause cancer.



I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other
place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7
blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and try to rob me.



I also stopped answering the phone for fear that
they ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.



I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because
they are nothing more than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonald's can sell their Big Macs.



I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for
fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.



I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce
account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. Funny that girl, she's been 7 since 1993...



I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made
expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in
their special e-mail program.



My Erickson phone never arrived and neither did the
passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.



But I'm positive all of this resulted from a stinking chain I
broke, or forgot to follow, and I got a curse from hell.