Because..

Because I'm a man,
when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with
a wire long after hypothermia has set in.
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Because I'm a man,
when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the
hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm
looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say
to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things,
but now with all these computers and everything, I
wouldn't, know where to start." We will then drink beer.


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Because I'm a man,
when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and
take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a
woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this
isn't a problem.

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Because I'm a man,
I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the
store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find
exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know,
these are the same thing. And never, under any
circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which
"feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.

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Because I'm a man,
when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist
on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just
cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here
and has to put it back together.

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Because I'm a man,
I must hold the television remote control in my hand
while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I
may miss a whole show looking for it (although one time
I was able to survive by holding a calculator).

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Because I'm a man,
I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think
we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to
a complete stranger? I mean, how the hell could he know
where we're going?

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Because I'm a man,
there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The
answer is always either sex, cars, beer, or football. I
have to make up something else when you ask, so don't
ask.

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Because I'm a man,
I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother
come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think
about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her
for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And
don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.

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Because I'm a man,
you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances
are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
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Because I'm a man,
I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you
were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair
of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it---looks
fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go
now?

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Because I'm a man,
and this is, after all, the year 2004, I will share
equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming,
and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.
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This has been a public service message for Women to
better understand the Male