Valentine's Day...

Valentine's Day Pome (fer Redneck's)

Collards is green,
my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky to have
a sweet thang like you!

Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flappin in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I love you anyway!

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.

You have some'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions,
when you shave under yo're arms,
well I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yo're charms.

Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there for yo're man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life,
more'n a fresh loada' dirt.

When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
ain't nuttin I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'
despite all the years
yo're age it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men they buy chocolate
for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses
on that special day,
from the cooler at Kroger.
"That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man honey,
these just won't do.
Cause yo're too special,
you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds...
It's a new troll'n motor!