CHOCOLATE HUMOR

Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans. Beans are a vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar beets. Both are plants which places them in the vegetable category, too. Thus we can only conclude that chocolate is a vegetable. To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you like.

If you have melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

The problem: how to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced meal? Don't they actually counteract each other?

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories from one convenient source. Now, isn't that handy?

If not for chocolate there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you?

Remember: "stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts."