View of the World from a Tractor

THE LOCAL BANKER
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound;
is more powerful than a locomotive;
is faster than a speeding bullet;
thinks he can walk on water;
gives policy to God.

THE PRESIDENT
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds;
is about as powerful as a toy locomotive;
is slower than a speeding bullet;
walks on water in his indoor swimming pool;
talks to God if special request is granted.

THE STATE GOVERNOR
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap tall buildings;
is run over by a locomotive;
can sometimes fire a gun without inflicting self-injury;
dog paddles;
talks to animals if they'll listen.

THE SENATOR
Can't even find a tall building;
plays with his toy train;
shoots himself in the foot almost every time;
takes a respirator to the pool;
talks only at election time.

THE DISTRICT REPRESENTATIVE
Runs into buildings;
recognizes locomotives two times out of three;
is not issued ammunition;
can stay afloat with his inflatable ducky;
talks to walls.

THE USDA OFFICE MANAGER
Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings;
says look at the choo-choo;
wets himself with a water pistol;
plays in mud puddles;
mumbles to himself.

THE AMERICAN FARMER
Lifts tall buildings and walks under them;
Kicks locomotives off the tracks;
Catches speeding bullets between his teeth then eats them;
freezes water at a single glance;
walks and talks with God.