Microsoft TV dinners

Instructions for Microsoft's new tv dinner product.....


You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept
and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone
else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of
Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your
dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is.

If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set
the oven using these keystrokes:

mstv.dinn.//08.5min@5...%heat

Then enter:

ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.

If you have a Macintosh microwave oven, insert the dinner and press
start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.

If you have a Unix microwave oven, insert the dinner, enter the
ingredients of the dinner found on the package label, the weight of the
dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start. The oven will
calculate the time and heat and cook the dinner exactly to your
specification.

Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your oven
must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the dinner from
the oven and enter:

ms.no[profanity removed].good/tryagainagain/again.[deleted]

This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave and
then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your oven
vendor. The oven itself is obviously on the blink.

Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger
than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of which
are empty. These are for future menu items. If the tray is too large to
fit in your oven, you will need to upgrade your equipment.

Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the chicken
variety is currently produced. If you want another variety, call
Microsoft Help and they will explain that you really don't want another
variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.

Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of
their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger family
size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must be saved
only in Microsoft approved packaging.

Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after 2001. However, that
version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get thrilled in
advance.

Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the freezer,
causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature, not a bug. Your
freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.