Bible Based Humor

Bible Based Humor

There is the story of a person who got up one
Sunday and announced to his congregation:
I have good news and bad news.
The good news is, we have enough money
to pay for our new building program..
The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets,"
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While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up
to an Amish carriage
The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of
humor, because attached to the back of the carriage
was a hand printed sign..."Energy efficient vehicle
Runs on oats and grass
Caution: Do not step on exhaust."
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A minister waited in line to have his car filled
with gas just before a long holiday weekend
The attendant worked quickly, but there were
many cars ahead of him in front of the service station
Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump
"Preacher," said the young man
"sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone
waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip ."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean
It's the same in my business."
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People want the front of the bus, the back of the
church, and the center of attention
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Somebody once figured out that we have 35 million
laws trying to enforce 10 commandments
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Somebody has well said that there are only two
kinds of people in the world
There are those who wake up in the morning
and say, "Good morning, Lord,"
and there are those who wake up in the morning
and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
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A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in
a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find
a space with a meter
So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read
"I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here
I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES."
When he returned, he found a citation from a
police officer along with this note
"I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you
a ticket, I'll lose my job
LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION."
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A father was approached by his small son, who told
him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" His father
smiled and replied
"What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means
" The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father
"So, Son, what does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy. It stands for
"Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth."
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One Sunday after church Mom asked her very young
daughter what the lesson was about
Her daughter answered "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilts
" Needless to say, Mom was perplexed
Later in the day, the Preacher stopped by for tea
Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school
lesson was about. He said
"Be not afraid, the comforter is coming."
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There was this gracious lady mailing an old family
Bible to her brother in another part of the country
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk
"Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady