Santa's says look for Bubba Clause

SANTA'S LETTER


I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve
the States of Louisiana, Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South Carolina,
Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.
Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was
renegotiated
by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better
contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in
mind.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your
local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side
of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys
to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between
us.
Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus.
He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:" These
toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an
RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead
of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one
time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.." when Bubba
Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott
and Petty."
5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you
also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a
Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."
7. At the request of Bubba, seeing how ya'll don't have chimney's and all, please unlock your shed. Bubba does not think it is funny when the cops are called and he has to explain to them that he is my cousin taking over the route in these certain states due to a contract change and not really stealing your trawling boat, but actually fixing new nets on it, (that is why he was carrying the old ones away) 8. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and
"It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area.
Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit
IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars
crashing into each other. And Finally,
9. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the
wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents
under the tree.
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus