these are funny

Inside every older woman is a younger woman - wondering what the heck happened.
Cora Harvey Armstrong
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The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
Helen Hayes (at 73)
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I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray
eyebrows.
-Janette Barber-
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Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think
I'm
supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.
-Jan King-
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Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
-Lily Tomlin-
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting
my
head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
-Erma Bombeck-
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Old age ain't no place for sissies.
-Bette Davis-
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The phrase "working mother" is redundant.
-Jane Sellman-
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Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows.
-Jennifer Unlimited-
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I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me
at
once.
-Jennifer Unlimited-
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If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible
warning.
-Catherine Aird-
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I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not
dumb...and I'm also not blonde.
-Dolly Parton-
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You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a
smart
woman with a dumb guy.
- Erica Jong-
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If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
-Sue Grafton-
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I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr-
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In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man-if you want anything
done,
ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher-
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I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and
a
career.
-Gloria Steinem-
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I never married, because there was no need. I have three pets at home
which
answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every
morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home
late
every night.
Marie Corelli-
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If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How
intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?
-Linda Ellerbee-
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I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his
house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor-
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Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
-Eleanor Roosevelt-