Show & Tell

Betsy, a grammar-school teacher from Miami, remembers this Oscar-worthy
birth tableau from one of her students... I've been teaching now for
about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I
know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few
sessions
with my students. It helps them get over shyness and experience a
little
public speaking. And it gives me a break and some guaranteed
entertainment. Usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet
turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that.
And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they
want to lug
it to school and talk about it, they're welcome. Well, one day this
little girl, Erica, a very bright, very out-going kid, takes her turn
and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under
her sweater. She holds
up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm
going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mommy and Daddy made him
as a symbol of their love, and then Daddy put a seed in my mother's
stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an
umbrella cord." She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and
I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had a video camera rolling. The
kids are watching her in amazement. "Then, about two Saturdays ago, my
mother starts going,
'Oh, oh, oh!" Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked
around the house for, like an hour, "Oh, oh, oh!'" Now the kids' doing
this hysterical duck-walk, holding her back and groaning. "My father
called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a
sign on the car
like the Domino's man. They got my mother to lie down in bed like
this."
Erica lies down with her back against the wall. "And then, pop! My
mother had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty,
and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" The
kid has her legs spread and with her little hands is miming water
flowing way. It was too much! "Then the middle wife starts going push,
push, and breathe, breathe.
They start counting, but they never even got past ten. Then, all of a
sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff they said
was from the play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside
there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's
show-and-tell day,
I bring my camcorder - just in case another Erica comes along.