Understanding Engineers

Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a
beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second
engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't
have fit."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to
be.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor
chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The
pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with
him." "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow, aren't they?" The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a
group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse
from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The
group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I
think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said,
"Good idea. And I'm going to contact my Ophthalmologist buddy and see
if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't
these guys play at night?"

Comprehending Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build targets.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The
graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The
graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" A
graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Comprehending Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical
engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, itwas an
electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical
connections." The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who
else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Comprehending Engineers - Take Seven
"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't! fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Eight
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress,
because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said,
"I like both." "Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the
lab and get some work done."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Nine
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He
bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke
up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful
princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the
frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The
frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,
I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took
the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the
frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want.
Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I
don't have time for a girl friend, but a talking frog? Now that's
cool!"